(no subject)
It's only a crime if I get caught
It's only a line if it gets bought.
It's when my heart is upupup in my throat and it's beat-beat-beating it's way on up I could reguritate it all over my new boots and I don't know what this feeling in the pit of my stomach is anymore, anyway.
Anymoreanywayanymoreanyway.
Sucksucksuckkkkkitup.
I am starting to realize I am the only one in control. I can spend days locked up, metaphorically and figuratively, but I am the only one that leads this destiny. I've clawed the skin off the sides of my fingernails, exposed angry red skin, the spot on my pointer that's jaundiced from one too many cigarettes held tight. Lack of nicotine is making me bite the thin layers of my bottom lip. You're not calling and I'm not dialing and I need to stop having someone save me all the goddamn time. If it keeps going this way I'll be exactly the same in ten years and what's the fun in that? I came here to grow, in a way, and I am stunting this on my own.
Time to create my own life. Get over myself, other people have done this and so can I. Preoccupying myself with pitchers of beer and misplaced affections, hands running over skin that so many have told me is softsoftsofter then they've ever had. I need to stop objectifying myself.
This, in itself, is the most honest I've been with myself in years.
It's only a line if it gets bought.
It's when my heart is upupup in my throat and it's beat-beat-beating it's way on up I could reguritate it all over my new boots and I don't know what this feeling in the pit of my stomach is anymore, anyway.
Anymoreanywayanymoreanyway.
Sucksucksuckkkkkitup.
I am starting to realize I am the only one in control. I can spend days locked up, metaphorically and figuratively, but I am the only one that leads this destiny. I've clawed the skin off the sides of my fingernails, exposed angry red skin, the spot on my pointer that's jaundiced from one too many cigarettes held tight. Lack of nicotine is making me bite the thin layers of my bottom lip. You're not calling and I'm not dialing and I need to stop having someone save me all the goddamn time. If it keeps going this way I'll be exactly the same in ten years and what's the fun in that? I came here to grow, in a way, and I am stunting this on my own.
Time to create my own life. Get over myself, other people have done this and so can I. Preoccupying myself with pitchers of beer and misplaced affections, hands running over skin that so many have told me is softsoftsofter then they've ever had. I need to stop objectifying myself.
This, in itself, is the most honest I've been with myself in years.