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Today's been "one of those days." Usually everything is going pretty well here in Stafford; I'm not going out as often as I expected and I haven't socialised with new people as much as I'd've liked to, but my housemates are great, I'm comfortable, I have plenty of music, video games and other entertainment. My attendance at uni, while not exactly being 100%, has still been good and I'm confident I can get everything done on time. My FYP work, while I've been hitting the original initial deadlines, has been shallow on independent work and the weeks seem to simply pass me by as I go longer and longer while gradually falling behind.
Under pressure, I can work really well and if a deadline is looming, I am one motivated motherfucker. But a supervisor meeting today was a reminder of where exactly I am in my project and how much more I should have done if I want to do this really well. It was a group meeting and my work was never actually discussed, but it still felt like a slap in the face, and since then my day has consisted of nervousness and guilt (and since that, actual FYP work - COINCIDENCE???). That's often a driving force for me, but it's still a very unpleasant feeling and it's brought on a not-so-dawning realisation of how complacence and apathy simply won't do from this point on. Those who know me know how often I'm in a miserable mood (that's pretty much never, for those who don't know me so well), but well, I've not been feeling great today.
And that's about it: I've been lazy, and the inevitable guilt and worry has sunk in. I appreciate the catharsis of writing it down here for you all to barely care about it, and the lack of guilt is probably why it's taken me so long to write anything here.
Otherwise, my life is going fine; on the one hand I'm really trying to be as effortlessly cheerful as I was in Germany, but it's easier said than done in this country; I'm missing having some sort of physical intimacy and miss those really cute German girls I'm so accustomed to (living in Stafford is rubbing salt into the wound). On the other hand, I've heavily cut down on the weed, I'm out running more, guitar is still fun, I'm getting a bit more outgoing and organised, and LittleBigPlanet is amazing. And I'm applying for the JET programme, which I'm really going for and would be amazing, were I to get in.
And that's all, until I once again have to... well, whatever the verb form of "catharsis" is.
Under pressure, I can work really well and if a deadline is looming, I am one motivated motherfucker. But a supervisor meeting today was a reminder of where exactly I am in my project and how much more I should have done if I want to do this really well. It was a group meeting and my work was never actually discussed, but it still felt like a slap in the face, and since then my day has consisted of nervousness and guilt (and since that, actual FYP work - COINCIDENCE???). That's often a driving force for me, but it's still a very unpleasant feeling and it's brought on a not-so-dawning realisation of how complacence and apathy simply won't do from this point on. Those who know me know how often I'm in a miserable mood (that's pretty much never, for those who don't know me so well), but well, I've not been feeling great today.
And that's about it: I've been lazy, and the inevitable guilt and worry has sunk in. I appreciate the catharsis of writing it down here for you all to barely care about it, and the lack of guilt is probably why it's taken me so long to write anything here.
Otherwise, my life is going fine; on the one hand I'm really trying to be as effortlessly cheerful as I was in Germany, but it's easier said than done in this country; I'm missing having some sort of physical intimacy and miss those really cute German girls I'm so accustomed to (living in Stafford is rubbing salt into the wound). On the other hand, I've heavily cut down on the weed, I'm out running more, guitar is still fun, I'm getting a bit more outgoing and organised, and LittleBigPlanet is amazing. And I'm applying for the JET programme, which I'm really going for and would be amazing, were I to get in.
And that's all, until I once again have to... well, whatever the verb form of "catharsis" is.