A Streetcar Named "Holy Crap"
We were about to be treated to two tours of a magical place as a reward for the hard work we had put in. I'm not sure what the nature of the work was, suffice it to say - we had alot of work to do and we did it very well. The first tour was a standard tourist tour in a streetcar driving around the kingdom. The second tour would be a special tour but would also take place on a streetcar. I was a little dissapointed that we couldn't walk around on our second tour.
We piled into the orange and black streetcar and made a nice loop around the kingdom. We saw a bright blue pond, a great green meadow and a sandy beach in the middle with several beach bunnies and beach badgers (chicks and dudes). We took pictures and commented on how beutiful the magical place was.
Immediately after the first tour ended, the driver announced that we would now begin the second tour. To my dissapointment, it seemed alot like the first tour except there were a few things I hadn't seen the first time around. Looking out the window, I spied a sand box with a bunch of weird shapes: two halves of an oval and two halves of a rectangle. I pulled the lines and the streetcar stopped immediately. The driver said, "We musn't pull these lines. We have to stop the tour when you do that." I made my way to the back and hopped out the open door . I was free of that stupid tour.
I walked over to the sandbox and started building the Cremaster symbol out of the interesting shapes I had seen earlier. To my surprise, the shapes changed shapes themselves and soon I could not make any geometric sense out of them. "I guess this isn't Barney's world", I said to myself. I'll have to do some more exploring.
When I turned around, the streetcar had already started up and was veering dangerously close to the pond. Expecting it to drown, I shouted "Hey, you idiot, you're going to drown them" but to my amazement, it crossed right into the pond and just kept going. I guess it was equipped with some magical flotation device.
"That must have been the 'special' part of the tour", I thought.
I ran alongside the pond, trying to catch up with the streetcar but it was too fast. I noticed too, that I was moving very fast and that I could see the sandy beach moving towards me. The beach bunnies looked quite tiny and to save time, I tried hopping over them. But when I was in range, they returned to their normal size and I just ended up kicking sand in their face. Then the badgers got angry and chased me around the beach while the bunnies tried to trip me. They chased me into a wooded trail but would not go any further. "Where the hell am I?", I thought. I couldn't see where the trail led, only that it sloped downwards. "Well, I never had a clear direction to begin with." I decided to down it. On the path, I encountered a stranger wearing a white T-shirt and a Trucker hat. "Oh great", I thought, "A Hipster."
C: "Hey, what's up"
H: "How's it going, bro"
C: "Not bad, just walking down this trail"
H: "I wouldn't walk any further dude"
C: "Why?"
H: "Blackberries"
C: "Blackberries?"
H: "Yeah. Nasty little fuckers."
C: "Ok, guess I'll turn around then."
H: "Cool. I'm just about to do the same."
I turned around and expected him to follow me. He just kept walking down the trail. As I walked back up the trail I heard him mumble, "Oh man...fuck". I didn't want to know what was happening. I tried running up the hill. To my horror I saw long vines fluctuating in front of me: Blackberries. They moved in close and more crept up behind me. They had prickly thorns on their vines and their hearts bled dark black berry juice (the bad kind). I tried to escape between their vines but they were too quick. The prickly thorns stabbed my shoulders and left nasty bruises. The pain grew with each prick. The thorns spun like mechanical saws and cut into my flesh. I yelled to the hipster. "I don't like Blackberries, man!. Do you like blackberries?" The hipster cried out, "I hate blackberries, dude. I hate Black...Ahhhhhhh! Fuuucccccck...Oh. Man. Oh Fuck. Unnnghhh. Ahhhhhh! Ooooooogggggggg!!!!!
I turned to look at my wounds. They had swelled tremendously and were turning into a disgusting blob. The blob was poisoning me. When I leaned over to vomit, I saw red flashing colors. I opened my eyes as wide as I could see. Bright red. Nothing but bright red. Violent, pulsating bright red.
In a flash, though, I felt the pain flush out and watched my shoulders spasm as the blob shriveled up. I was in my bed, staring at my red quilt. The hipster's moaning had turned into sounds of gay sex coming from my neighbors down the hall.
We piled into the orange and black streetcar and made a nice loop around the kingdom. We saw a bright blue pond, a great green meadow and a sandy beach in the middle with several beach bunnies and beach badgers (chicks and dudes). We took pictures and commented on how beutiful the magical place was.
Immediately after the first tour ended, the driver announced that we would now begin the second tour. To my dissapointment, it seemed alot like the first tour except there were a few things I hadn't seen the first time around. Looking out the window, I spied a sand box with a bunch of weird shapes: two halves of an oval and two halves of a rectangle. I pulled the lines and the streetcar stopped immediately. The driver said, "We musn't pull these lines. We have to stop the tour when you do that." I made my way to the back and hopped out the open door . I was free of that stupid tour.
I walked over to the sandbox and started building the Cremaster symbol out of the interesting shapes I had seen earlier. To my surprise, the shapes changed shapes themselves and soon I could not make any geometric sense out of them. "I guess this isn't Barney's world", I said to myself. I'll have to do some more exploring.
When I turned around, the streetcar had already started up and was veering dangerously close to the pond. Expecting it to drown, I shouted "Hey, you idiot, you're going to drown them" but to my amazement, it crossed right into the pond and just kept going. I guess it was equipped with some magical flotation device.
"That must have been the 'special' part of the tour", I thought.
I ran alongside the pond, trying to catch up with the streetcar but it was too fast. I noticed too, that I was moving very fast and that I could see the sandy beach moving towards me. The beach bunnies looked quite tiny and to save time, I tried hopping over them. But when I was in range, they returned to their normal size and I just ended up kicking sand in their face. Then the badgers got angry and chased me around the beach while the bunnies tried to trip me. They chased me into a wooded trail but would not go any further. "Where the hell am I?", I thought. I couldn't see where the trail led, only that it sloped downwards. "Well, I never had a clear direction to begin with." I decided to down it. On the path, I encountered a stranger wearing a white T-shirt and a Trucker hat. "Oh great", I thought, "A Hipster."
C: "Hey, what's up"
H: "How's it going, bro"
C: "Not bad, just walking down this trail"
H: "I wouldn't walk any further dude"
C: "Why?"
H: "Blackberries"
C: "Blackberries?"
H: "Yeah. Nasty little fuckers."
C: "Ok, guess I'll turn around then."
H: "Cool. I'm just about to do the same."
I turned around and expected him to follow me. He just kept walking down the trail. As I walked back up the trail I heard him mumble, "Oh man...fuck". I didn't want to know what was happening. I tried running up the hill. To my horror I saw long vines fluctuating in front of me: Blackberries. They moved in close and more crept up behind me. They had prickly thorns on their vines and their hearts bled dark black berry juice (the bad kind). I tried to escape between their vines but they were too quick. The prickly thorns stabbed my shoulders and left nasty bruises. The pain grew with each prick. The thorns spun like mechanical saws and cut into my flesh. I yelled to the hipster. "I don't like Blackberries, man!. Do you like blackberries?" The hipster cried out, "I hate blackberries, dude. I hate Black...Ahhhhhhh! Fuuucccccck...Oh. Man. Oh Fuck. Unnnghhh. Ahhhhhh! Ooooooogggggggg!!!!!
I turned to look at my wounds. They had swelled tremendously and were turning into a disgusting blob. The blob was poisoning me. When I leaned over to vomit, I saw red flashing colors. I opened my eyes as wide as I could see. Bright red. Nothing but bright red. Violent, pulsating bright red.
In a flash, though, I felt the pain flush out and watched my shoulders spasm as the blob shriveled up. I was in my bed, staring at my red quilt. The hipster's moaning had turned into sounds of gay sex coming from my neighbors down the hall.