Life Goes On
School has been getting the best of me, and taking up most of my time. It's kinda of a let down. So much goes on in big ol' high school... I'm ready for the summer already, I want to have a life again... I want to feel like I don't have to deal with anything anymore, I want to breathe again, I forgot the real meaning of breathing...
Ever since school started I've been really overwhelmed. I've got new problems to deal with from new people. Now I'm not saying that I don't like it, it's just so much at one time... I think once I got back in, I was just overloaded with all the problems that I didn't have to deal with over the summer, and it made me realize I had a life, and now I feel like I don't. I'm what everyone wants me to be now, I have to be that person they can talk to. I can't be the one they can't talk to.. I'm what people make me, I guess I'm just that best friend that can't deal with their own problems... breathing I've lost basically... my own breathe gone, I have to breathe for others now, and what I have for problems no one sees, my mom thinks there might be something wrong with me, since I come home and kind of retreat to my room... I never use to do that, I go on longer walks now, and bike more... but it's not me, it's not who I want to be... I just feel like I'm something I'm not suppose to be, I feel like I'm hiding something from my own family, I want to talk about it and speak out, but what do I say? I don't even understand why I feel so down lately. It's all just overwhelming. I tend to find myself crying myself to sleep... I use to be happy and play duckhunt right before my head hits the pillow, but now I don't even have time to do that, I find myself up till like 11-12 at night finishing homework, and that fact scares me because now basketball might not be an option because we have midterms the next month after the basketball season, and that's just to much for me at one point. I'm already taking two extra classes... but I don't know what to say really...
Wow I just felt like I forgot what it was to live again. Lately I really feel like something is missing, like a part of me is gone... I just think I need to get out one night, just go with someone somewhere, and just talk, but it can't be like some random person, or that long time friend, I think it needs to be a friend big time, but someone I don't get to talk as much, someone that doesn't know everything about me, that way they can't judge me so fast, but they can listen and help me... and then maybe if they have felt bummed out lately... they can talk to me, and we can talk all night and just have fun... I think I just need to be myself again, go out get pizza, cruise around listen to good music, and just talk... not have to like be all this person someone wants me to be for a night... I need a break from everything, just one night... and maybe something will happen? I don't know what to do anymore... I don't feel like I can talk to all my buddies anymore, they have their own things to deal with and stuff, that not trying to sound arrogant but they don't realise that I'm hurting inside... I'm hurting big time...
Life Goes On
((words to live by))
<33 Gina
I'll probably vent later or something, I can't vent in the xanga like I do here... I love this journal I must admit...
Ever since school started I've been really overwhelmed. I've got new problems to deal with from new people. Now I'm not saying that I don't like it, it's just so much at one time... I think once I got back in, I was just overloaded with all the problems that I didn't have to deal with over the summer, and it made me realize I had a life, and now I feel like I don't. I'm what everyone wants me to be now, I have to be that person they can talk to. I can't be the one they can't talk to.. I'm what people make me, I guess I'm just that best friend that can't deal with their own problems... breathing I've lost basically... my own breathe gone, I have to breathe for others now, and what I have for problems no one sees, my mom thinks there might be something wrong with me, since I come home and kind of retreat to my room... I never use to do that, I go on longer walks now, and bike more... but it's not me, it's not who I want to be... I just feel like I'm something I'm not suppose to be, I feel like I'm hiding something from my own family, I want to talk about it and speak out, but what do I say? I don't even understand why I feel so down lately. It's all just overwhelming. I tend to find myself crying myself to sleep... I use to be happy and play duckhunt right before my head hits the pillow, but now I don't even have time to do that, I find myself up till like 11-12 at night finishing homework, and that fact scares me because now basketball might not be an option because we have midterms the next month after the basketball season, and that's just to much for me at one point. I'm already taking two extra classes... but I don't know what to say really...
Wow I just felt like I forgot what it was to live again. Lately I really feel like something is missing, like a part of me is gone... I just think I need to get out one night, just go with someone somewhere, and just talk, but it can't be like some random person, or that long time friend, I think it needs to be a friend big time, but someone I don't get to talk as much, someone that doesn't know everything about me, that way they can't judge me so fast, but they can listen and help me... and then maybe if they have felt bummed out lately... they can talk to me, and we can talk all night and just have fun... I think I just need to be myself again, go out get pizza, cruise around listen to good music, and just talk... not have to like be all this person someone wants me to be for a night... I need a break from everything, just one night... and maybe something will happen? I don't know what to do anymore... I don't feel like I can talk to all my buddies anymore, they have their own things to deal with and stuff, that not trying to sound arrogant but they don't realise that I'm hurting inside... I'm hurting big time...
Life Goes On
((words to live by))
<33 Gina
I'll probably vent later or something, I can't vent in the xanga like I do here... I love this journal I must admit...