(Untitled)

[lost_undercover]

Who: Dick Grayson, Billy Costigan; Paddy, Tim, Damon (Otherwise, open; ask to join)
When: Tues (1/11) to Mon (1/17)
Where: Dick's room
What: Costigan tries to get clean. Withdrawals ensue.
Warnings: Drug references, language, violence, hallucinations, self-harm

Comments

[lost_undercover]

Costigan had seemed fairly out of it for awhile. Even in the incident with Bourne, he had been almost entirely detached from the real world and now was not much better. Time continued to pass and to fade away without any rhyme or reason in the inmate's mind. Truly, he had absolutely no idea how much time had passed, why he felt the way he did, or even much of how he got to this place. His entire mind was noticeably absent given his current state, but the inmate seemed content laying there in an almost catatonic state for the last couple hours. His occasional shifts, mutterings, and looks proved that he wasn't actually in a place to be too concerned about, but he certainly needed to be watched.

Seemingly without provocation, the inmate suddenly began to run his hand down his chest. Then the other. He repeated this gesture, hands shifting in angle and direction as he tried to wipe what seemed to be nothing from his skin. The inmate began to yell with no discernible words outside of the occasional profanity as his legs scrambled to try to help him sit up. Instead, he fell off the couch, still running his hands over his torso and then shifting to work on his arms as well.

[batmanschmatman]

It took a minute for Dick to realize anything was wrong. He'd sort of started to zone out again, which was... sort of weird. There was no way a couple weeks of being on the Barge had made him actually go soft or anything. Maybe Hayley had been right, maybe he was actually coming down with something. Or maybe he was just tired. Or both. His mind was definitely was starting to feel a little foggy again, and the arm chair was starting to feel pretty comfortable, even though he knew he couldn't fall asleep again -

The yelling jerked him out of his slight daze and he immediately sat upright, staring at the inmate in concern. When he fell off the couch, the vigilante hopped up, nudging aside the coffee table to kneel down next to him, immediately slipping into his training to try and stay calm. It didn't look like he was having a seizure, and he'd noticed he'd been acting a little out of it, but this was unexpected. He put a hand on the inmate's shoulder, trying to get the other man to focus on him.

"Costigan, what's wrong?"

[lost_undercover]

"Get the.. Fahkin'.. Fahk," the inmate retorted nonsensically. His eyes darted around his body.

Costigan stared at the multitudes of creatures that covered his body, horrified by their minuscule size. His sense of panic began to escalate as the garish mutations of gnats and spiders began to claw and burrow their way beneath his skin and into his arms and torso. As the inmate continued to try to brush them off--no matter how many he was rid of, there still seemed to be dozens more--, something even more horrifying happened. With one desperate clawing at the creatures, a large chunk of his skin ripped off with no apparent effort. He immediately pressed a hand to the wound, shouting at his warden. "Fahk! Towel.. some shit!"

One hand was pressed firmly to a seemingly random portion of his abs, the other still clawing at his skin. There was no visible rationale for why Costigan was acting the way he was, not outside of his mind. But the fear and panic behind his words and contorting his expression were entirely sincere.

[batmanschmatman]

It was probably a good thing Dick had as much experience with Scarecrow's fear toxin as he did, or it was entirely possible that he wouldn't have any idea how to go about helping with this. Of course, there was the small problem that he couldn't just whip out an antidote and make everything better in five seconds, but if he could get him back to reality, get him calm, hopefully things would be fine.

Hopefully.

"Costigan? Costigan! It's okay. Look at me - " He grabbed the inmate's wrists in his hands, trying to get him to stop clawing at himself, trying to get him to make eye contact and focus on him rather then whatever it was that was scaring him this badly. "It's okay. You're hallucinating. Whatever you're seeing isn't real. You need to calm down, okay?"

[lost_undercover]

Costigan was a little too preoccupied with the creatures disappearing into his skin and the wounds and pustules they were leaving everywhere to be focused on his warden's words. When Dick grabbed his hands, however, he finally looked at the man. That only caused more concern, however, as the inmate believed himself to be beginning to bleed profusely from the wound on his stomach. He tried immediately to free his hands, though not through violent means for once.

"I'm goin' to fahkin' bleed out! Get me a goddamn towel oah get the fahk off of me so I can take ca'e ahf this myself," he snapped back, missing Dick's message. Though he realized his warden was trying to talk to him, all he could focus on was his hands being pulled away from the wound and trying to apply pressure to the flayed skin again.

[batmanschmatman]

"You're not bleeding out," he said firmly, but calmly, not letting go of his wrists, gripping them tightly while still trying to be gentle. "It's okay. You're hallucinating. Just keep focused on me, okay? Trust me. You're going to be okay. You're not bleeding out. You're okay."

He wasn't sure how long this was going to go on for, but he needed Costigan to listen to him. He wished there was a quick fix, that this was a fear gas attack or something, honestly, as just giving him the antidote he had in the closet seemed a lot easier then trying to talk him down, especially when he wasn't even sure if the inmate did trust him. On a good day, he'd maybe venture a yes. Two and a half days into detox, after an escape attempt and an attack, he wasn't sure.

[lost_undercover]

Costigan looked from the wound to the creatures to Dick and back again. The last of the small monstrosities were beginning to burrow into his skin and his hands fought to find freedom so that they could prevent the actions. He screamed with the pain of it all as well as the fear, blood beginning to trickled down his side and onto the floor. Dick still had his wrists, given that the inmate had little strength, and he finally looked up at his warden with an expression of sadness and resignation. "You'ah right. I'll go home."

It wasn't that he believed Dick about now dying, it was that he was accepting his fate of death and the return to home or to Heaven. Costigan was ready to face Saint Peter and to explain his life and the things he had done. To repent and to ask for forgiveness from Him. He was preparing himself, in his mind, for a final death and whatever life might come beyond that.

[batmanschmatman]

Dick bit his lip. The screaming and struggling he could deal with, but the look of sadness, like he knew what was going to happen and Dick didn't, that he was dying, and was accepting it, caught him a little off guard. Call it the downside of compassion, but his grip on the inmate's wrists slackened slightly, more reassuring than restraining.

"You're okay. You're not going to die, Costigan. Can you tell me what you're seeing?"

[lost_undercover]

Costigan stopped trying to fight Dick's grip entirely, even when it lessened on him. The inmate laid his head back and closed his eyes, even as he could feel the blood curling around his side to begin pooling at his back and the smaller critters burrowing around beneath his skin. There was no chance of salvation any longer, especially with his warden doing nothing to help him. But salvation didn't have to come in life; he would find it in death.

"They're gone," he replied quietly, referring to the things beneath his skin. After a beat, he tried gently to move one hand toward the wound on his abs where the skin hard peeled off and the exposed muscle lay bleeding, if Dick would let him, to show where it was. "The skin's gone. I'm going to bleed out. It's alright, kid. You're doin' me a favoh."

[batmanschmatman]

He carefully released his hold on the inmate's wrist as Costigan tried to show him where he was hurt, still holding his other wrist in an attempt to keep him connected with reality. His brow furrowed slightly as the inmate pointed out the "injury", but otherwise kept calm.

"I don't see anything," he said gently, still sort of shaken by the resolution in his voice, even if he wasn't letting it on. "You're okay. You're hallucinating. We're still on the Barge, in my room, and you're going through withdrawals. Can you tell me something about the room we're in?"

[lost_undercover]

Costigan reached down with the free hand to very gently touch the wound, flinching as he did. He opened his eyes as he lifted his fingers in front of his face, seeing the blood his warden was ignoring. The undercover didn't hallucinate; he wasn't the type. He'd never done the drugs to be addicted to either, just the prescriptions. Maybe he had missed a dose. It was a passing thought as his mind came back to the situation at hand.

"I'm dying and you want me to tell you about the room?" He replied with a short laugh, looking around from his position on the floor. Stretching his neck to look upward, along the floor and toward the kitchen area, he tried to see what it was that was on the table. It was a bloody bag with a hand inside; the hand wore a wedding band; it seemed familiar. Rolling his gaze over to the next part of the room, he finally spoke. "There's a microwave, and a bowl.. and a picture. A girl on a bike."

[batmanschmatman]

Dick's frown deepened, his concern evident as the inmate carefully probed the nonexistent injury. "You're not dying. I promise. You're fine." It was important to keep repeating it without trying to force the idea on the other person, and at least Costigan was calm and focusing on him, even if he was sort of still freaking him out with how easily he'd accepted the fact that he was dying.

As the inmate started answering his question, the warden's expression changing from concern to confusion, the detective in him taking control for a minute. While there was a microwave in the room, he didn't have a picture of a girl on a bike, and while it could easily be just another hallucination that meant nothing, he'd had enough experience with them to know that everything meant something, and he wasn't sure what a microwave, bowl and picture meant to the former undercover. "Where do you think we are?"

[lost_undercover]

"Her apartment," he replied honestly, shifting to try to get a better view of that photo that he had missed so much. Then he seemed to panic suddenly and searched rapidly for Dick. The inmate moved his free hand to clasp onto the arm Dick was using to hold Costigan's other wrist. Costigan calmed when he felt his warden, seeing him but his mind having trouble reconciling the two worlds.

The inmate closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again. Suddenly Dick came into sharp focus on the room was returned to the warden's. Costigan could still feel the creatures beneath his skin, but he couldn't tell if he was bleeding without looking and part of him didn't want to look because he feared it might not be there. That he had been imagining it all. Realizing his warden was looking at him still, he offered a second answer, not quite recalling they were on the Barge but knowing it wasn't Madolyn's. "Your apartment."

[batmanschmatman]

Dick was quiet as Costigan tried to put things together, letting him sort through the confusion without pushing him. It was important for people to work things out themselves in this state, and he knew if he nudged him one way or another, he could just end up confusing him more.

He had a pretty good idea of who "her" was, wondering briefly if he should try and prod him about that when Costigan was through this, but the thought was quickly brushed aside. He wasn't Bruce. The priority here wasn't getting more information out of Costigan, it was making sure he was getting through this. He gently held on when he began to panic but didn't say anything, trusting him to work through it.

"Right," he said when he finally gave him the right answer, smiling, still not letting go. "That's good. How are you feeling?"

[lost_undercover]

"Like Hell," he replied honestly. Costigan let his eyes close again, though his grip on his warden's arm tightened ever-so-slightly. The man was right to keep physical contact with the inmate to help him stay grounded, because it was the only thing keeping him here now. If he couldn't trust his mind, then he had to trust what Dick said. Of course, if he couldn't trust his own mind or his warden, then he was just fucked.

"Am I bleedin'?" He asked after a pause, pain still present in every part of him. Where the wound was meant to be hurt worse because he felt like his skin was still torn open, but the sensation of the blood had gone away and it didn't make sense for him to have stopped bleeding or something when nothing had happened at all.

[batmanschmatman]

"That's normal," he said, allowing himself a sort of relieved laugh. He'd gotten through to him, more or less. That was real progress, and hopefully he'd be able to get him back on the couch with some more water and maybe some food sooner rather then later. He was okay with staying here and making sure he was really back in reality for as long as he needed him to be.

He shook his head at the question. "No, you're fine, I promise."