A bit too far.

[emptyyourself]

[Who:] House and Snape
[What:] PRANKWAR Mini-Log
[When:] Right after dinner.
[Where:] Level 7, Snape's room.

Comments

House should be way more scared.

[the_house_rules]

House looked up from what he was doing when he heard a slam on his door. Whoever could it be?

House grinned as he heard the threats wafting in, and his eyes fell on the wand which was, even as the neighbors were lulled by the slamming, tucked in House's pencil cup. As yet House had not stood, he was just sitting stalking the network and listening as Snape threw his wimpy little body against his door.

That was, until he heard the wood beginning to splinter. Snape was literally breaking down the door. House felt, for the first time in all of this, a flash of real fear. The truth was that his pranks were usually pulled on people whose reactions he could gauge. Wilson was amusing to prank, because he got so incensed, and yet never did him any physical harm. Or rarely, he should say, and limitedly. But Snape was a wildcard, and if reading the books were any indication, the pantsing was probably a really fucking bad idea. Actually, he'd by lying if he said he hadn't been at least a little inspired by the books.

House had just instigated his own mugging.

It was only when Snape had gotten in that House started trying to hide. Only when it was too late. He was going behind the sofa, in the direction of the bathroom, which was the only place to hide, but part of him wanted to see this. Snape was in his own shirt and someone else's jeans, and without shoes.

Between them there was the sofa, some chairs, and a coffee table, all waiting to be trampled or thrown.

Part 2 - In which there is a muggle duel.

[emptyyourself]

When you saw Snape without shoes, it was definitely time to start panicking. Shoes obviously hadn't been that important; certainly not more so than getting his wand and some revenge.

Snape launched himself full-tilt at House, flinging aside the chairs and leaping over the table, shouting, "Stop running, House! Stop running!"

He threw himself over the sofa to get between House and the bathroom; he had gotten through one door, but breaking down a second might be more than his poor shoulder could take. He still needed energy to throttle his nemesis.

But it was too late: House had made it there first. Snape yelled again, "Oh no, you don't!" and threw his full weight against the door to keep it from closing and - by proxy - locking.

Re: Part 2 - In which there is a muggle duel.

[the_house_rules]

If only House had been able to tear away from watching the trainwreck that was half-casual Snape taking his furniture in a single bound, he might have gotten in the bathroom. As it was, the spectacle was too much for him to handle, and he found himself on one side of a door push-of-war. House was desperately leaning against the door to close it.

And failing miserably. Beyond miserably, because he had been wearing socks and was now in the bathroom, on the tile floor, sliding like it was his job. He had no prayer of closing the door. There was actually a better chance that Snape would open the door into him and trap him between the door and the wall.

All this was done in stunned silence by the way. Stunned, panicked silence.

Part 2 - In which there is a muggle duel.

[emptyyourself]

Snape gave one more fantastic effort and reached one arm into the bathroom to haul House out. He wasn't about to kill him in a bathroom, and certainly not without finding out where his wand was, first. Some rational part of his mind told him that there were probably people coming to stop him; he didn't have time to ransack the room after the deed was done.

He grasped at air, and jerked back just in case House decided to make a running leap at the door and close it on his arm.

[the_house_rules]

It was, apparently, Snape's flailing grabby arm that helped House to find his voice, because suddenly he screamed, "Get out of my bathroom! Get-- GET OFF ME!"

Suddenly, Snape had gotten hold of him and House was frantically beating him around the fist and arm to get him to let go.

[emptyyourself]

Snape hauled him bodily out of the bathroom, his arm flaring in pain from the beating it was and had already taken, and threw an awkward punch at House's face. Some detached part of his brain noted he should have let Martha teach him to hit; you really don't have much practice with this sort of thing when you spend your whole life relying on a wand.

"Where is it?!" he shouted, infuriated.

[the_house_rules]

It was always shocking to be dragged out of a bathroom, screamed at and punched in the face, but House had had worse. Even though this punch seemed to suggest that Snape was not so formidable a foe, he knew better. As soon as Snape got his wand back, House was going to be turned into an egg and Snape was going to crush him.

There was no way in hell he was telling Snape where his wand was.

House, who in this fight was shorter and had shorter arms, was nonetheless trying to hold Snape at arms length to keep him from hitting him again.

"What the hell are you talking about?" House shouted back.

[emptyyourself]

He let out a shout of rage and grabbed House with his free hand, so he was holding the man by the front of his shirt. He gave him a shake, much like a bulldog shakes a rat.

"Don't play games with me, you fucking git!" He was well past the point of trying to maintain the image that he didn't need to stoop to slang or profanity to get his point across. He was well past the point of rationality. "You stole my clothes! You stole my wand! WHERE IS IT?!"

For each noun, he gave House another violent shake.

[the_house_rules]

Snape was shaking him. Oh hell no.

House twisted to the best of his ability in this confined grip Snape had on him, and brought a tight punch in to his gut. It wasn't as hard as he was able to deliver, due to their awkward positioning, but the incensed anger from Snape's noxious proximity added something to it that a normal punch would have lacked. Maybe it just added a particularly nasty look on his face.

"I threw it over the railing!"

[emptyyourself]

The punch to the gut, awkward as it was, didn't wind him - but it did cause him enough hurt to drop his grip on House.

However, any pain at all was forgotten at House's assertion; Snape stared at him with an expression of utter horror which gave way insane rage. He flung himself at the other man and tackled him to the floor.

He may not have been much for technique - he had already shown himself to be the worst punch on the ship - but he had absolutely no issue with scrapping until one of them stopped moving.

[the_house_rules]

House found himself knocked to the ground and subjected to what appeared to be becoming a furiously homoerotic wrestling match. The falling hurt way more than the punch could have dreamed to have, and that winded House for a minute. Well, that, and being landed on by awkwardly flailing Snape.

House's immediate reaction was to push Snape away, and one hand caught him square in the face, yes, pushing.

"Get the FUCK off me!"

[emptyyourself]

It wasn't nearly as homoerotic for Snape as it was for House. Generally, homoerotic behaviour didn't include homicidal intent. He scrabbled to get his hands to House's neck, but found himself being pushed away by the jaw.

He had a moment of panic where he wondered if House would snap his neck if he didn't do something right now.

Snape did exactly what any rational human being would do if they were suddenly no longer rational: he sank his teeth into House's hand.

[the_house_rules]

"OW!"

Snape bit him. The only thing to do then was to pull back, to try and shake him off of his hand before he managed to draw blood or remove a finger.

"Get off me!" he was harping on the line, but Snape was still on him and now, worse, was biting him, and House wanted him off now.

[emptyyourself]

He let go of House's hand now that his mission was accomplished; he didn't particularly want that in his mouth. God knew where it had been, and Snape suspected.

"Throw my wand over the rail, will you?" he finally managed to seethe out.

He balled House's shirt at the chest in one of his hands and threw a substantially better punch with the other.

[the_house_rules]

This punch was better, but probably only because Snape's stupid weight was behind it. There was nowhere to escape from it, either, and so the full force of it caught House in the eye. It was going to bruise, that was for fucking sure.

With so much going on with their arms, House knew that another punch was going to be difficult to land from this angle, and so he went for the next move that made sense and the first thing that came to mind: he kneed Snape in the groin. Hard.

[emptyyourself]

Now, that winded him. He rolled off of House, his head clouded with pain. That was one hell of a cheap shot, and as soon as his vision stopped doubling, he'd make sure the other man paid for it.