(no subject)
Who: 11-12 and Martha (also open for anyone who still wanted to drop by on 11-12 in the infirmary)
Where: Infirmary
When: A few days into his Death Toll
What: 11-12 slipping backwards again
Warnings: Angst...
Since his awakening, 11-12 had been feeling initially more at peace after what he had done but a conversation with Rex had made his fragile mindset falter again and he had been refusing or avoiding taking painkillers shortly after that, even though it was obvious that he was in a great deal of pain and was beginning to look paler and very ill with dark circles under his eyes. He'd only slept because he was so exhausted or else the pain would have kept him awake. As it was he was woken up by it often, making whatever rest he did get very restless.
He'd told a number of people here now about 909 - a topic he'd been avoiding before - and why he'd taken his own life again and every time he told it it just sounded more ridiculous to himself. What had he been thinking? He'd just upset everybody that he cared about and some of them were clearly angry at him. The guilt was weighing even heavier on him the more he dwelled on what he'd done and how people had been reacting to him now. He knew they just wanted to understand and he thought belatedly that his own reasoning had been distorted. He hated the thoughts that entered his mind and he wished that they'd stop - the pain sometimes forced all thought away and while he could barely stand how much it physically hurt him the mental anguish was somehow even worse.
And so he let the pain in to cover up his thoughts.
He'd been so distracted that he hardly even registered that there had been any incidents due to new arrivals and floods. He was retreating more into himself and all he could feel or think of was the pain. He'd been putting on something of a braver face than what he was feeling to others so far but he was breaking inside.
Where: Infirmary
When: A few days into his Death Toll
What: 11-12 slipping backwards again
Warnings: Angst...
Since his awakening, 11-12 had been feeling initially more at peace after what he had done but a conversation with Rex had made his fragile mindset falter again and he had been refusing or avoiding taking painkillers shortly after that, even though it was obvious that he was in a great deal of pain and was beginning to look paler and very ill with dark circles under his eyes. He'd only slept because he was so exhausted or else the pain would have kept him awake. As it was he was woken up by it often, making whatever rest he did get very restless.
He'd told a number of people here now about 909 - a topic he'd been avoiding before - and why he'd taken his own life again and every time he told it it just sounded more ridiculous to himself. What had he been thinking? He'd just upset everybody that he cared about and some of them were clearly angry at him. The guilt was weighing even heavier on him the more he dwelled on what he'd done and how people had been reacting to him now. He knew they just wanted to understand and he thought belatedly that his own reasoning had been distorted. He hated the thoughts that entered his mind and he wished that they'd stop - the pain sometimes forced all thought away and while he could barely stand how much it physically hurt him the mental anguish was somehow even worse.
And so he let the pain in to cover up his thoughts.
He'd been so distracted that he hardly even registered that there had been any incidents due to new arrivals and floods. He was retreating more into himself and all he could feel or think of was the pain. He'd been putting on something of a braver face than what he was feeling to others so far but he was breaking inside.