Sep 30, 2007 23:13
I've been doing a lot of thinking in the past few weeks. I know I think way too much about things going on in my life, or not going on in my life for that matter. I've just been extremely stressed out and overwhelmed for the last four weeks and I'm pretty sure it's not going to get much better anytime soon. Most of the stress is from my classes and my internship at Impact 211 that is part of my schooling. Managing my time is one of the most important aspects of this program I am in for the next two semesters. I know I can manage my time, but it's the incredibly crazy work load and high standards I am being put to. It's just a lot to take in fright now and somehow I need to stay focused so I don't crash and burn in the end.
Besides that bothering me to no end...I've also been having a few down days recently. A slight washing over feeling of depression. It doesn't last long, maybe for only part of a day. I'm not worried about it. I think it's just a mood that comes over me once in a while.
While I've been in this slight state of depression, I've been thinking about my life. Without going into to much detail right now -- I feel that something is missing in my life. I don't know what it is, whether it's a person, place or thing -- I just know something is missing.
Now I know I have my health, family, friends and school, and these are all extremely important to me. I feel like I need more though. Maybe I'm just crazy, and I don't need anything at all. I've talked to a few people about how I've been feeling lately and either they say that I need to get out more, they've said they know how I'm feeling and they have felt that way before, or that it isn't so and I have everything I need. I just don't know what to do. School seems to be my main focus in life right now, which is great and it's what I've been working at ever since I started my education. It's what I strive for so I can make something of my life, but after all these years I just feel drained and almost want to give up. I know that giving up is not an option, nor would I ever want to do it when I've come this far, but it just gets to be too much after all this time and I begin to feel like I'm going nowhere.
Someone told me that I need a vacation. Apparently, I need to sit on a beautiful beach somewhere and drink some cocktails. It sounds wonderful and hopefully one day I will get to take a nice vacation, but unfortunately I don't have the time or money for that right now. I would be satisfied if I could go away for the weekend with a few friends and go camping. I know it doesn't sound as glamorous as a beach, but it would be fun just to get away.
Like I said, I don't know what's missing in my life, whether it's a person, place or thing -- all I know is that something is missing and I need to find. Maybe whatever it is will either make me feel happier, whole or more alive.