(no subject)
times when i am with my family + extended family (like for holidays and such) always gets me thinking in the future. today i saw my cousin put on her (what i believe was) her first Christmas dinner at her house...it was strange. yes, she is older with two kids but its still crazy to think that in 10 years i could be there...and the weird thing is, i dont know if i want to be. i've had these intense feelings about what i want to do after clark. i want to travel. i want to see everything possible. i want to experience everything. i should start writing a list of everything, everyplace, and every person i want to meet and hopefully when i am old i can honestly say i have lived life to it's fullest. i'm not saying that i dont want to 'settle down' at a certain point...but i dont want to have a set time. i hate when people ask "what age do you want to have kids" i just think in my head...i have no idea...but i usually say 28 (why i dont know...maybe i will be done my list by then...) i just want to expand my knowledge to a world perspective. i want to write about it. i want to teach my experiences. i want people who can't experience the world to be able to through me. i want my parents who have never been out of the country to see the world. and if the only way they can afford to is through me, i owe it to them. i sit here, 18 years young, on a christmas night thinking 10 years down the road. i consider it anxious rather than "not living in the moment" i am living. i'm in the moment. i just want to live life more intensely than i have been. i want to squeeze every ounce of knowledge, love, friendship, experiences, out of my life that i possibly can. i want to see everything. it may sound selfish but it's what i want to do. i want to possess the knowledge of the world.