The island sucks

[petunias_fan]

Who: Jensen and Shaun
When: Afternoon, backdated to before Jensen’s post about Clay’s disappearance
Where: Jensen & Shaun’s cottage
What: Jensen finds out that Clay has disappeared

Comments

[chainmailshirt]

Shaun had been checking up on the network and working on a few things when he heard Jensen come in. He smiled to himself, glancing over his shoulder, expecting his boyfriend to pop in, and when he didn't he'd been about to call out to him. Before he could, however, Jensen spoke. For a moment, he just sat there, surprised, but it only lasted a second before he was up and out of the room, moving over to the couch and sitting down beside his boyfriend.

"Shit," he said quietly, and he reached out, setting a hand gently on Jensen's elbow so that he could easily pull away if he wanted to. "Fuck, I'm sorry. Do you know when?"

[petunias_fan]

Jensen unconsciously leaned toward Shaun a little. Swallowing, he shook his head and distractedly replied, "I, um..." he shook his head. "Um, no. Sometime between the last time we talked to him and now." He'd been here mostly. They'd been settling in and he'd wanted to be here for Shaun during George's disappearance.

"The whole place is empty. Even the security system we set up is gone. It's like the whole building just reset itself. He--He's just gone." A memory of Clay's first day on the island flashed through his mind. He'd forgotten all about it, hadn't thought of it since, but now it was as fucking clear as if it were yesterday--Clay dirty with soot, mouth twisting wryly as he said Aisha seems to live by the old adage, kill two birds with one stone. Except in this case, Max and I were the birds and the stone was an incendiary grenade. He'd seen the handy work of incendiary grenades and now he couldn't stop fucking seeing it. All he could think of was skin blackened to a fucking crisp and that smell of burnt flesh and that had

[chainmailshirt]

Shaun just listened, nodding as he talked, his eyebrows knit together in an expression that was something between a mix of concerned and disturbed. It was fucking disturbing that all these people were getting taken and, fuck, the two of them had lost so many people in the last several months.

Carefully, Shaun slid his hand up Jensen's arm and around his shoulder, watching for any sign that Jensen would want to pull away until he finally wrapped his arms around him, pulling him in gently against him. Jensen seemed especially shaken up, and he wasn't sure why. He knew that the two of them were close, Clay was the closest thing to family he had here, but he'd be there when they got back. He expected him to be upset, pissed even, but he just seemed...shaken up.

He stroked his back softly, hand making small circles, and kissed the top of his head. "Is there anything else?"

[petunias_fan]

The touches were comforting and Jensen could feel some of the tension leeching out of his body. He leaned into Shaun more and rubbing the back of his neck, clearing his throat ineffectually against the lump that seemed to have taken permanent residence there. “Clay, um. Clay is dead,” he said. He paused, brow knitting because this whole thing was complicated as fucked and screwed up as fuck. “Not when I’m from. It happens after. I’m not sure when--I don’t think long after. A, um, a incendiary grenade. Aisha--Remember her? I think I showed you a picture. She--she killed him.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Shoulda fucking seen that coming. Crazy bitch collected fucking ears for Christ’s sake.” He should have fucking known it was only a matter of fucking time before she tried to kill them

[chainmailshirt]

Fuck. George had told him, once, back before they even really knew the Losers as more than casual acquaintances, that Clay was dead, but until Jensen had reminded him, he’d all but forgotten. A sick feeling twisted in his stomach at the talk of revenge and the fact that the Losers were likely going to die, a thought that he’d not been able to completely suppress since the first time he’d mentioned it, during his PTSD-fueled nightmare. He tried to push it away for now, though, and held Jensen to him closer, sliding his hand through his hair in a way he hoped was soothing.

“Stop that,” he said, quietly but firmly, and he looked at his boyfriend seriously. “I know you better than that, and you’re not okay.” He kissed his forehead, letting his hand slide down to his neck. “It’s not just about what I need. You’re here too.”

[petunias_fan]

The response surprised Jensen and if it were not for the hands on him that were too fucking nice to give up he would have pulled away. He knew Shaun wasn't like everyone else, but he just... He was just so fucking used to--to dealing. To what he needed coming second because someone else needed something. He hadn't actually expected someone to tell him he didn't have to quietly carry everything and it was okay to not be alright. That what he needed was important

[chainmailshirt]

Shaun just nodded, turning in to Jensen so he could hold him closer into him. It was almost comical, he was sure, him slowly scooping this man who had five inches on him and probably a good 80 pounds on him into his lap, but he didn't give a fuck. He kissed at the side of Jensen's head, one arm wrapping tightly around his waist as the other hand stroked at the space between his shoulders. He wished he knew what the fuck to say in these situations, something that would help or give Jensen some sense of understanding of the situation, or at least some degree of comfort. He was shit at this, though, after a lifetime of not

[petunias_fan]

Jensen made a quiet, scoffing sound and shook his head, giving Shaun a look, "You're not bad at it." He knew what bad at it looked like. "Thanks. I just--Thanks." He lapsed into a silence, just leaning against Shaun, taking comfort in the arms around him, and the heart beating against him, and the hand rubbing the tight muscles between his shoulders loose.

After a moment, his hand slid to cradle Shaun's cheek and he tilted his head, capturing his mouth in a kiss. His other hand joined the first, cupping his other cheek, and he half-turned to press closer. Clay was gone. Shaun was all he had left here and he could just as easily lose him too. He wouldn't be able to stop them from taking him, no more than he'd been able to stop them from taking George or Bobby or even himself. He'd be gone. Back in his own world maybe, and completely out of his reach. He didn't want to lose him.

[chainmailshirt]

Shaun's heart wrenched at the soft way Jensen kissed him, curled in towards him, because he knew what he was thinking. It was the same thing Shaun was thinking, the same thought that kept him up at night. He knew he would do everything in his power to keep someone from taking Jensen, but Christ, sometimes it seemed so fucking impossible, especially in times like this. He wished there was something he could say, something reassuring, but he couldn't think of anything.

Instead, he just pulled his boyfriend in closer, one hand going up to cup his cheek as he returned the soft kiss, his other hand slowly sliding down his back. He slid his fingers under the hem of his shirt, placing his hand on the bare skin of his waist as he tilted Jensen's chin back, parting his lips with his tongue.

[petunias_fan]

Jensen made a soft, needy sound. His lips parted for Shaun's tongue, his grip tightening as he tried to draw him in closer, tried to just hold onto him. He loved him. God, he loved him so fucking much and the thought of losing him was terrifying. He wanted say, please, stay with me, and to ask him to never leave but he was a soldier and he knew no one could ever really make those promises. He wasn't sure he even knew how to ask for those things anyway. Words never came when he really needed them.

It was what he should be saying though. Whether those kinds of promises were possible or not, he should be telling Shaun that he loved him, that he never wanted to lose him. He should let him know how much he meant to him. But, saying those things was just as hard as asking for them, so instead he kissed Shaun. He kept kissing him and kept holding onto him like he could disappear.

[chainmailshirt]

Shaun smoothed his hand up the line of Jensen's back, palm flat and firm in the space between his shoulder blades. Jensen was needy, in the sounds he made and his desperate grip on him, and he tried to be a steady presence, reassure him that he wasn't going anywhere. So much of the time lately, it felt like Jensen was taking care of him, and all he wanted was to make Jensen feel as taken care of as he made him feel.

After a moment, he pulled away from the kiss just enough to rest his forehead against his boyfriend's, a hand gripping the nape of his neck. "Do you want to go lay down for a little bit, babe?" he asked gently, sliding his thumb over him a little. He wasn't trying to get anything from him, but knew that sometimes Jensen needed to be touched, and he wanted to give him whatever he needed.

[petunias_fan]

Jensen melted into the touches, soaking up the comfort he got from them like he was starved for it. He kept his eyes closed, staying close to Shaun just like that. God, he didn’t know what he’d do without him. The thought made emotion catch hard in his throat and he gripped Shaun harder, closed his eyes more tightly. Don’t think about it. He couldn’t think about that.

“Yeah,” he finally said, voice low and quiet. “Please.” He just wanted to be alone with Shaun. He wanted to curl up with him and forget about the whole fucking world and how easy it would be to lose all of this. Clearing his throat, he said a little louder, “Yeah, that would be good.”