Letter to father, answering questions he wanted answered about lifes little turn around.
1. Why do I want to quit school?
One of the reasons is that I am tired of trying and failing. Contrary to popular belief, I do try, I do study, and I do my homework, yet I am still lucky to pull a D on a test. Technically a D is considered a passing grade, but it’s not good enough for me.
I guess I was a bit afraid of my environment, there were a few too many African Americans there that made me feel uncomfortable, and it bothers me that there isn’t too much I could do about it.
I was bored and I got frustrated easily when something troubled me, and I continued to push myself until I had to get away from my homework problems.
Yes I am lonely. The only friend I can truly rely on in a time of need is here, as well as not having any communication with my other friends who are like a family to me. I had nobody when I was troubled or just needed someone to talk to me for a few minutes.
My roommates are all great guys, but they were at the bar every night from about 7 pm till 3 am, and most of my friends never got around to giving me there phone numbers. Of course I was upset when you took away my PC. Having to work in an overheated, crowded room with Africans acting extremely stereotypically is not my ideal homework environment, not to mention the bulk of my homework was all due online. I also had very limited access to my music, yes some of it was burned to CD’s but the only way I could listen to it was with headphones at night while trying to cover the screens blue light that it emitted. Hearing one song triggers the desire to hear another song, so I would have to look for the next specific CD and it was just a huge inconvenience instead of being relaxing.
2. What is my plan in life from here on out?
First and foremost, my college debts need to be paid as soon as possible. I owe EMU $2750 and Sallie Mae $7500. I can pay EMU $280 a month until it is paid off and I believe I can pay Sallie Mae about the same. Working at Manhattan part time for the first month or so will be enough to pay the $280, and by the 6th month I should have enough in stored in the bank to pay EMU off so I can concentrate only on the Sallie Mae.
I do know how much it costs to live on my own per month, I lived in an apartment for a few months and it wasn’t easy alone. To solve that problem I will just get a roommate.
3. What do I expect from you?
First, I would like to not be compared to Michael. The biggest thing that’s been picking away at me is what you said about credit cards. When you asked me if I had any, my answer was along the lines of “No, you said we could not have any” and your response was how Mike did it and got away with it.
If and or when I move out, I would like the use of one of your trucks for moving.
I would also like possession of my dresser, my bed (the one Krissy is currently sleeping on) and if I do not own a computer by then, to work out a payment plan to buy the computer I used to have. $50 dollars a month for the use and administrative rights to my computer would be a lot easier on me then having to save probably $1000 to buy one. Other then that just being civil and reasonable would be more then enough to ask of you.
After note
Honestly, I feel this family works better without me being in it, or at least not a very active participant of it. The first chance I get to leave I will be doing so. Whether I was living away at college or at my apartment, Mike and Krissy seem to get along together better with out me, and less fighting in the house is a good thing for there is less anger and stress as well.
I understand that it is embarrassing for all of you having a failure living among you, but College was not working out for me. On average I have to retake something like one quarter of my classes, right? That’s just a bad investment, and even though I may be said investment, I still can see the signs.
I have always been the butt of every joke in this house, and usually the one punished the most in my honest opinion, to be made an example of for the others maybe, this is all fair I guess.
Right now I have one goal for my life. It is not to finish college, or rise to the top of some company or anything like that. I merely wish to be happy. It looks funny when I read over it, but I really do not think I will be able to be happy while I am living here. If I find I am not happy in the real world, then it will be no ones fault but my own but I am perfectly fine with taking that chance.
I am sorry it has come down to this, but I guess on a deeper level I just do not feel secure anymore. I know no matter where I go and what I do I can make something of myself, there will always be people I don’t get along with, as well as rules that cage my being no matter which way I turn. All of these are factors that are out of my grasp to change. Then again, nobody ever said it would be easy. When I am ready to move out I will give you a one week notice.
Ill keep you updated on what responses we get from such.
-Priest-
One of the reasons is that I am tired of trying and failing. Contrary to popular belief, I do try, I do study, and I do my homework, yet I am still lucky to pull a D on a test. Technically a D is considered a passing grade, but it’s not good enough for me.
I guess I was a bit afraid of my environment, there were a few too many African Americans there that made me feel uncomfortable, and it bothers me that there isn’t too much I could do about it.
I was bored and I got frustrated easily when something troubled me, and I continued to push myself until I had to get away from my homework problems.
Yes I am lonely. The only friend I can truly rely on in a time of need is here, as well as not having any communication with my other friends who are like a family to me. I had nobody when I was troubled or just needed someone to talk to me for a few minutes.
My roommates are all great guys, but they were at the bar every night from about 7 pm till 3 am, and most of my friends never got around to giving me there phone numbers. Of course I was upset when you took away my PC. Having to work in an overheated, crowded room with Africans acting extremely stereotypically is not my ideal homework environment, not to mention the bulk of my homework was all due online. I also had very limited access to my music, yes some of it was burned to CD’s but the only way I could listen to it was with headphones at night while trying to cover the screens blue light that it emitted. Hearing one song triggers the desire to hear another song, so I would have to look for the next specific CD and it was just a huge inconvenience instead of being relaxing.
2. What is my plan in life from here on out?
First and foremost, my college debts need to be paid as soon as possible. I owe EMU $2750 and Sallie Mae $7500. I can pay EMU $280 a month until it is paid off and I believe I can pay Sallie Mae about the same. Working at Manhattan part time for the first month or so will be enough to pay the $280, and by the 6th month I should have enough in stored in the bank to pay EMU off so I can concentrate only on the Sallie Mae.
I do know how much it costs to live on my own per month, I lived in an apartment for a few months and it wasn’t easy alone. To solve that problem I will just get a roommate.
3. What do I expect from you?
First, I would like to not be compared to Michael. The biggest thing that’s been picking away at me is what you said about credit cards. When you asked me if I had any, my answer was along the lines of “No, you said we could not have any” and your response was how Mike did it and got away with it.
If and or when I move out, I would like the use of one of your trucks for moving.
I would also like possession of my dresser, my bed (the one Krissy is currently sleeping on) and if I do not own a computer by then, to work out a payment plan to buy the computer I used to have. $50 dollars a month for the use and administrative rights to my computer would be a lot easier on me then having to save probably $1000 to buy one. Other then that just being civil and reasonable would be more then enough to ask of you.
After note
Honestly, I feel this family works better without me being in it, or at least not a very active participant of it. The first chance I get to leave I will be doing so. Whether I was living away at college or at my apartment, Mike and Krissy seem to get along together better with out me, and less fighting in the house is a good thing for there is less anger and stress as well.
I understand that it is embarrassing for all of you having a failure living among you, but College was not working out for me. On average I have to retake something like one quarter of my classes, right? That’s just a bad investment, and even though I may be said investment, I still can see the signs.
I have always been the butt of every joke in this house, and usually the one punished the most in my honest opinion, to be made an example of for the others maybe, this is all fair I guess.
Right now I have one goal for my life. It is not to finish college, or rise to the top of some company or anything like that. I merely wish to be happy. It looks funny when I read over it, but I really do not think I will be able to be happy while I am living here. If I find I am not happy in the real world, then it will be no ones fault but my own but I am perfectly fine with taking that chance.
I am sorry it has come down to this, but I guess on a deeper level I just do not feel secure anymore. I know no matter where I go and what I do I can make something of myself, there will always be people I don’t get along with, as well as rules that cage my being no matter which way I turn. All of these are factors that are out of my grasp to change. Then again, nobody ever said it would be easy. When I am ready to move out I will give you a one week notice.
Ill keep you updated on what responses we get from such.
-Priest-