Manifest Destiny
I think I need anxiety medication... I havent been able to sleep the past week without drinking or taking NyQuil. And I'm becoming a fucking nihilist... if I wasn't already. I used to live for people... I don't know what I live for now... LJ-CUT rambling below...
The public school system has devised quite a few 'innovative themes' over the past decade... and one has been this redundant notion of setting goals for yourself.
What is your goal this year Bobby?
I'm going to turn in ALL my homework!
Thats a good goal Bobby, try your best.
My last goal that I ever set for myself was to meet people. To truely flourish in social contact in an absurd way. Before high school ended I decided I wanted to eventually know people in every state in the US, and know them reasonably well; become a social pioneer. It seemed to have validity as a worthy goal. After all, being a devout atheist and yet a firm believer in some kind of 'karma', the only thing that is really real even after you die are your ties to the people still on this planet. Everything you ever do in life only matters if it has effected something in relation to someone else.
Since I set that goal I've met quite a few people. Started quite a few friendships, and also ended a few. But I guess that's why I'm writing this. This whole notion of manifest destiny. Even if I'm fated to befriend a thousand strangers before my life ends... does it really make it worth anything? Just because something is obvious and inevitable it doesn't mean it'll make anything better.
This is probably why the school system started being a bit more specific when they told us to choose goals. "Don't set your goals too high" "Choose something realistic". Its human nature to lie for one's own benefit. People are naturally selfish and cruel.. including myself. And for each promising new personality I encounter lately I seem to have to watch my back more and more. So tell me now mr. atheist. Why are you here? No one gives a fuck, and neither do you. Try looking for god in the west and spill some native blood. All you've been chasing is your own hubris; No ones going to find anything in this bird carcass, no matter how well their blind eyes can see.
...what a crock of nihilist bullshit... but i really don't know what to feel anymore.
The public school system has devised quite a few 'innovative themes' over the past decade... and one has been this redundant notion of setting goals for yourself.
What is your goal this year Bobby?
I'm going to turn in ALL my homework!
Thats a good goal Bobby, try your best.
My last goal that I ever set for myself was to meet people. To truely flourish in social contact in an absurd way. Before high school ended I decided I wanted to eventually know people in every state in the US, and know them reasonably well; become a social pioneer. It seemed to have validity as a worthy goal. After all, being a devout atheist and yet a firm believer in some kind of 'karma', the only thing that is really real even after you die are your ties to the people still on this planet. Everything you ever do in life only matters if it has effected something in relation to someone else.
Since I set that goal I've met quite a few people. Started quite a few friendships, and also ended a few. But I guess that's why I'm writing this. This whole notion of manifest destiny. Even if I'm fated to befriend a thousand strangers before my life ends... does it really make it worth anything? Just because something is obvious and inevitable it doesn't mean it'll make anything better.
This is probably why the school system started being a bit more specific when they told us to choose goals. "Don't set your goals too high" "Choose something realistic". Its human nature to lie for one's own benefit. People are naturally selfish and cruel.. including myself. And for each promising new personality I encounter lately I seem to have to watch my back more and more. So tell me now mr. atheist. Why are you here? No one gives a fuck, and neither do you. Try looking for god in the west and spill some native blood. All you've been chasing is your own hubris; No ones going to find anything in this bird carcass, no matter how well their blind eyes can see.
...what a crock of nihilist bullshit... but i really don't know what to feel anymore.