(no subject)
I miss who I was last summer and last year.
It was the only time in my life I felt whole and complete as a person.
I had everything I ever wanted and needed without any extra baggage.
I feel like this year I've so much of myself and others that I have to be fake and pretend in any givin situation.
There arn't many kids in my school I associate myself with and I feel like I'm trying to hard just to make it through a day without feeling alone.
With jeannie and sarah I tend to be more loud and outgoing, when really, i'm not like that at all.
With jessie, britt, and laura I tend to be sarcastic and 'in your face', but really I rather just be outgoing and go with the flow.
With the nfield kids, I just tend to follow them around, doing whatever they are doing when really i do have opinions but i rather keep them to myself because they don't really know me all that well yet.
I'm being pulled and twisted in so many directions when really I just want to stand stil.
I know I can be snotty and stuck up about my future, hey no wwrong in knowing what I want to do in my life, but I still have no idea who I really am.
And I don't think people realize that about me...I don't know who me is yet.
You came the closest last summer with showing me how to be real because you never judged me.
But things have changed since then and I don't think you view me in the same way you did when we first met.
I feel like when you look at me, you're disguisted with my lack of apathy and just the way I think about things.
I want to go back to that conversation where you said, "I'll always be there for you, no matter what."
Well, I need you now and you're here, but not with me.
We barely talk now.
I'm better friends with your friends than I am with you.
I miss who you used to be too.