anonymous

[lastcatastrophe]

Tell me something you've always wanted to say to me, but bit your tongue against. Tell me something you haven't told anyone else. Ask me something you've always been curious about, but thought was too personal, or too strange, or too sad. Tell me what you think of me. Tell me what you think of you. Be sincere, be callous, be philosophical, be

Comments

[silent_sparks]

up until i turned 23, i had never seen a dead body. i sorta wondered if i ever would, it's such a strange thing. here we all are, walking around and barely taking notice of each other, but if any of us drop dead we are instantly swept away to a hospital for a double check and then disposed of quickly afterwards.

i came upon my best friend in our living room, i thought i was taking care of him because he was drunk (turns out it was something far more serious than the usual party aftermath). it was really strange because at the time, i didn't think i was looking at a dead body. this body, it belonged to my friend, and although he had somehow given up claim to it, i still saw him in it.

the quote you have over to the right reminds me of that. but it reminds me of how i can't listen to peoples' heartbeats because it takes me back to the one time when no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't hear one.

i went from writing about 500-1000 words a day to nothing. it's been over a year. a few months ago, my other friend (the one i called shortly after the first died) passed away. i can feel them both watching me every time i sit down at a keyboard. it's overwhelming, i can't handle it.

anyway... it just reminded me of that.

i don't think being a teacher is safe and i don't think you should consider it safe, either... i've had countless teachers who made it obvious that they were only teaching because they couldn't figure out what they really wanted to do with their lives. they were all really shitty teachers.

then again, i've had a couple teachers who have made it obvious that they loved to teach more than anything else and still managed to lead incredibly interesting lives. i actually showed up to their classes.

[silent_sparks]

ps. i thought it was hilarious when you felt it necessary to disclaimer that i may not remember you considering how many classrooms we've shared. i never had a hard time approaching people and learning about them, but you were one of the few that i always wanted to talk to but never found the nerve or opportunity. i am glad you decided to leave me a comment.

[lastcatastrophe]

I guess it is really, but high school feels like it was decades ago and I do not consider myself to be a very "memorable" person... probably because until about senior year I walked around with my head down and never looked anyone in the eye. I was always incredibly shy, but most people never saw that and instead thought I was a bitch. And I'm glad I finally talked to you, too... it only took 13 years to work up the nerve! :p

[lastcatastrophe]

I can't even imagine what that experience must feel like. The only time I've come close to that was my junior year of college, when my friend (who was a hard partier and had been drinking for about 6 hours) started to say something to me when my back was turned and then went silent. I turned around to look at him and saw him fall backwards, unconscious.

He didn't wake up when I shook him. His chest wasn't moving, I put a mirror under his nose and he wasn't breathing... I put my fingers on his pulse and I couldn't feel his heartbeat. Finally someone shouted at him and he sort of jerked and started breathing again. My friend and I dragged him to the bathroom and she made him throw up, and he was okay after awhile... I can't believe he was okay. I really thought we were going to lose him.

I hope I'm the second kind of teacher. I want to inspire, I want them to love words as much as I do.