(no subject)
so, this is my life. yep, nothing special, but nothing easy. but thenm again is anyone's life a breeze? my mom is leaving again. the more horrible news about that is that there is nothign i can do to help her out to stay. absolutely nothing. horoay for my mom leaving whever something important happens in my life, you know going into high school, first prom, becoming a woman (if you know what i mean hahaha), and NOW graduating, selecting a college, the whole senior year. YES!!!! thsi is gonna be sooooooooooooooo awesome! ha. but yep so i'm terribly upset about this. so i also yell at my mom about it, even though i know deep down in my heart there is nothing she can do about it. i tell her that if she misses my graduation i'll hate her and enver talk to her again. and if she leaves i'll be so mad at her. or that i won't talk to her ever again and i don't care if she leaves because i'm leaving for college and won't ever see her again. all of these thigns are the meanest things i can say to my mom. she lvoes me so much and she would try her hardest to stay close to me. this time she can't, there is no way she ever could. typing all of this really amkes me want to cry for days. i'm so awful to her and this whole situation just sucks dick.
besides this, i take all my pissed off/sadness on this matter out on Andrew. he totally does not deserve that. he can't handle all of that pressure, especially when i don't tell him what's wrong and just randomly freak out on him. so Andrew, i sincerely with all my heart apologize for that. so after all of this, i fell as though i've hurt anyone and everyone who loves me. so i'm not in the most "smiley" mood ever. but what else am i'm supposed to do? so i do smile in front of my friends and no one knows except Andrew because he's the only one that i get upset at. it's not fair to him. so right now, i have the "fuck this, i suck" attitude and all i want to do is cry and sleep. i don't though. i get up, go out, do stuff. but it's hard. every second of it is extremely hard.
besides this, i take all my pissed off/sadness on this matter out on Andrew. he totally does not deserve that. he can't handle all of that pressure, especially when i don't tell him what's wrong and just randomly freak out on him. so Andrew, i sincerely with all my heart apologize for that. so after all of this, i fell as though i've hurt anyone and everyone who loves me. so i'm not in the most "smiley" mood ever. but what else am i'm supposed to do? so i do smile in front of my friends and no one knows except Andrew because he's the only one that i get upset at. it's not fair to him. so right now, i have the "fuck this, i suck" attitude and all i want to do is cry and sleep. i don't though. i get up, go out, do stuff. but it's hard. every second of it is extremely hard.