(no subject)
Okay so whats been up? Hmmm, Danny my wonderful little brother has returned from Mississippi. I'm so happy to have him back, and he has proceeded to rile me up as usual. That kid knows how to piss me off like no one else I know, But damn I love him. He reminds me alot of both my mother and my stepfather. Still working on the house about 12 hours a week. It seems like I'll never be done going through all the shit my parents left behind. I think it feels that way because I'm there all the time, and I don't notice. Voices from the past keep coming back. A friend I knew in 6th grade messaged me out of nowhere about a week ago. The sister of a friend I had back when I was 8 came by the house on Friday. She comes by because her brother was stabbed to death at a party about 17 years ago and i'm like a touchstone for her.
About a week ago I spoke to my pastor and small group leader and told them that I believe Christianity is just the latest incarnation of an eons old solar myth. They atempted to convince me of my folly, and said they would stay in community with me, and prayer for me. A few days later when I would be asked to share this with my small group they responded as I would expect. They also defended their faith and tried to convince me I was wrong. Good for them. The one thing that upset me was that a few believe i came to this conclusion out of a wicked desire. I came to this belief through prayer, observation of what was occurring in my life, and google. "Don't be evil." I am seeking truth, this is where it has led me. It's very weird trying to see life without the lenses you've used for over 15 years. I still pray, but don't feel the need to have the intermediary of Christ. Sometimes I feel like I've lost who I am, other times I feel like I'm recovering who i am. It's very exhilerating. I am surprised to be able to say that I feel much less confusion, and anxiety. An interesting sidenote is that since laying down the burden of belief I haven't needed alcohol to sleep. I wonder where this journey will lead next.
It's a very exciting time for me to be alive. I believe it is for everyone else also. You need only take a look around you. It is known in some circles that in crises there is a relational amount of opportunity. Don't filter your reality through anything, just experience. Just BE AWAKE NOW.
About a week ago I spoke to my pastor and small group leader and told them that I believe Christianity is just the latest incarnation of an eons old solar myth. They atempted to convince me of my folly, and said they would stay in community with me, and prayer for me. A few days later when I would be asked to share this with my small group they responded as I would expect. They also defended their faith and tried to convince me I was wrong. Good for them. The one thing that upset me was that a few believe i came to this conclusion out of a wicked desire. I came to this belief through prayer, observation of what was occurring in my life, and google. "Don't be evil." I am seeking truth, this is where it has led me. It's very weird trying to see life without the lenses you've used for over 15 years. I still pray, but don't feel the need to have the intermediary of Christ. Sometimes I feel like I've lost who I am, other times I feel like I'm recovering who i am. It's very exhilerating. I am surprised to be able to say that I feel much less confusion, and anxiety. An interesting sidenote is that since laying down the burden of belief I haven't needed alcohol to sleep. I wonder where this journey will lead next.
It's a very exciting time for me to be alive. I believe it is for everyone else also. You need only take a look around you. It is known in some circles that in crises there is a relational amount of opportunity. Don't filter your reality through anything, just experience. Just BE AWAKE NOW.