tired
weee, relaxed most of the day, and loved every minute of it. watched my pats destroy baltimore, as they do everybody else.
don't have to work until 12 tomorrow, so i get to sleep in, some what. work till 5, could be longer, but oh well.
i just got out of the shower. for some reason i've been taking showers now before i hit the sack. i seem to sleep easier when i'm cleeean. haha
so yip, got an "apology" from my ex. ya know, the one i talk about a few entries down? the one i was chasing for months, only for her to randomly tell me one day to stop b/c she deosnt want it any longer? it's like thanks, you could've told me before i even started. looong story, but we won't mention any more of it. it's in the past =)
ANYWAY, so she "apologizes", and i'm like "yep, ok". no hello, and not even a goodbye. just a couple "i'm sorry" lines, and that's it. right, like i'm supposed to believe she gives a flying fuck! so i text her a few times, and what a surprise, no response! typical, but i don't know, for some reason i figured it might be different, as is usually the case with me. i try too hard! ARGH. so yep, that's that. now we'll just go back to silence, b/c she probably figures that she did her job in "apologizing". lol, oh well. whatever floats her boat. i can't waste any more time on something that obviously isn't going to go in my favor. she already practically told me that i've wasted the last few months chasing her around, but whateva. it also looks like she's got a little problem of her own now. probably some other dude, which i wouldn't doubt. with my luck anyway.
that's the thing though. even if it's NOT another guy, it's nice to know that she feels better off without me whatsoever, than with me. she obviously doesn't think anything of me at all. but i guess it's no longer my problem.
when and if i find somebody else, she's obviously got to be able to trust me. jesus. why my ex doesn't is beyond me, but ANYWAY. i actually want to be able to be there for my girl, for anything and everything. i mean hell, isn't that what i'm for? that's what i don't get. and i'd assume that she would want me around also, so i dunno. oh well, i guess.
i'm really trying not to think about it much though, b/c if i wanted to, i could let it get to me, then i'd think about it 24/7. that's definitely not what i want. i used to do that back in the day. NOT good! if i'm not wanted, then i can't sit around and pretend that magically she'll change her mind. ya know? i've pretty much learned over the past few months that it was kinda useless, then adding the other night into it, then yeah, it's quite obvious that i'm not wanted at all. so i just gotta move on whether i want to or not!
WHEW. i could go on forever about stuff like that. seriously, what's up with me and love? i'm addicted.. lol. but it's easily the most amazing feeling in the world once you actually feel it. it's definitely a beautiful thing. just kinda sucks that i'm always the one on the outside looking in =( blah...
guess i should go to bed now. the denver/oakland game just ended. good game actually. but yeah, i'll go and see how much sleep i can get before work. wish me luck..!
nite all
-bri
ps- xmas, and i guess winter in general, is gonna be a lonely time =( it's always fun to have somebody to shop for, for xmas, and to cuddle with at night when it's snowing. damn. i'm such a sap. i love it though. i really do... =(
don't have to work until 12 tomorrow, so i get to sleep in, some what. work till 5, could be longer, but oh well.
i just got out of the shower. for some reason i've been taking showers now before i hit the sack. i seem to sleep easier when i'm cleeean. haha
so yip, got an "apology" from my ex. ya know, the one i talk about a few entries down? the one i was chasing for months, only for her to randomly tell me one day to stop b/c she deosnt want it any longer? it's like thanks, you could've told me before i even started. looong story, but we won't mention any more of it. it's in the past =)
ANYWAY, so she "apologizes", and i'm like "yep, ok". no hello, and not even a goodbye. just a couple "i'm sorry" lines, and that's it. right, like i'm supposed to believe she gives a flying fuck! so i text her a few times, and what a surprise, no response! typical, but i don't know, for some reason i figured it might be different, as is usually the case with me. i try too hard! ARGH. so yep, that's that. now we'll just go back to silence, b/c she probably figures that she did her job in "apologizing". lol, oh well. whatever floats her boat. i can't waste any more time on something that obviously isn't going to go in my favor. she already practically told me that i've wasted the last few months chasing her around, but whateva. it also looks like she's got a little problem of her own now. probably some other dude, which i wouldn't doubt. with my luck anyway.
that's the thing though. even if it's NOT another guy, it's nice to know that she feels better off without me whatsoever, than with me. she obviously doesn't think anything of me at all. but i guess it's no longer my problem.
when and if i find somebody else, she's obviously got to be able to trust me. jesus. why my ex doesn't is beyond me, but ANYWAY. i actually want to be able to be there for my girl, for anything and everything. i mean hell, isn't that what i'm for? that's what i don't get. and i'd assume that she would want me around also, so i dunno. oh well, i guess.
i'm really trying not to think about it much though, b/c if i wanted to, i could let it get to me, then i'd think about it 24/7. that's definitely not what i want. i used to do that back in the day. NOT good! if i'm not wanted, then i can't sit around and pretend that magically she'll change her mind. ya know? i've pretty much learned over the past few months that it was kinda useless, then adding the other night into it, then yeah, it's quite obvious that i'm not wanted at all. so i just gotta move on whether i want to or not!
WHEW. i could go on forever about stuff like that. seriously, what's up with me and love? i'm addicted.. lol. but it's easily the most amazing feeling in the world once you actually feel it. it's definitely a beautiful thing. just kinda sucks that i'm always the one on the outside looking in =( blah...
guess i should go to bed now. the denver/oakland game just ended. good game actually. but yeah, i'll go and see how much sleep i can get before work. wish me luck..!
nite all
-bri
ps- xmas, and i guess winter in general, is gonna be a lonely time =( it's always fun to have somebody to shop for, for xmas, and to cuddle with at night when it's snowing. damn. i'm such a sap. i love it though. i really do... =(