FM December Topic - Shhh

[last_to_believe]

"Shhh," I said, when Jude protested the new job I'd gotten. He kept insisting that he could take care of me. Kacie was never at the beach house, so even if his parents ever did decide to come home from Europe, I'd still have a place to live. He said that he'd pay my cell phone, and buy me clothes, and take me out to dinner every night so that I was

Comments

[last_to_believe]

I smiled sheepishly in Caleb's direction. Of course he knew exactly who I was talkin' about. The truth was, it was still just a little hard for me to say her name too. Still hurt. "Sometimes it's just easier not to." I whispered, before looking away from both of the boys to fight back a few tears that stung my eyes. I blinked them away, taking a long drink of my alcohol laced cocoa before turning back to them, twisting a strand of hair around my finger in a conscious attempt not to let myself go there emotionally again.

Jude didn't seem to keen on the magic talk, but I really wanted to know, and Caleb seemed more than willing to explain. Maybe he needed to talk about it. Maybe Jude needed to talk about it too, but he was in denial or something. You can't carry something heavy like a secret for that long before you need to talk about it eventually. It was only hours before I told my boyfriend all about the Slayer thing.

So I listened to him explain, taking note of the cool history aspect of it all. It was like something out of one of those movies that you know are ten times more interesting than it really was back in those days when everyone was all uptight and religious. It was weird that he'd have to look more into the history to find Jude. There was no denyin' what Jude was or what he could do. It was practically the same thing.

I put my drink down for a second, my interest totally piqued when he mentioned you had to be careful after you ascended. I glanced at Jude for a minute. He wasn't 18 yet, but he was still pretty powerful. Like, how much more power were we talking? And why the caution?

"Why do you have to be careful?" I asked. "You guys don't like, accidentally start killing people or anything do you? Or go power crazy and try to end the world like Lexi's mom's friend's friend who was a witch once did?"

[sonof_ipswich]

Jude was still avoiding my eyes. But I wasn't stopping. She wanted to know and for some reason, I just felt like talking. And telling her. Something told me Lacey wasn't the only one who wanted to know all this stuff. Jude did too. Even if he acted like he didn't. I wondered if he knew about all this stuff. Did he have a full grasp on his powers or did he abuse it? That night on the beach wasn't the best example I had of the guy. I shouldn't have let him expose me like that too, but I let him push me that night. I caved in. It was a mistake I wouldn't make again. Using my powers out in the open like that. I really didn't use them at all, unless it was dire.

I took another drink of my mint hot chocolate, chuckling as I pulled the cup away from my lips and Lacey started bombarding me with more questions. "No." I said, shaking my head. "Nothing like that. It's more like we have to be careful not to use." I tried to explain the best way I knew how. "The power. It's unimaginable. And? It's seductive." My eyes moved over to Jude who still had his head lowered, avoiding my gaze. Moving my attention back to Lacey, I gave her a serious look. Maybe she could keep him in line. Make sure he didn't use. "Once you go through your ascension, it changes. You get your full powers. What you have before is just a taste. And even that's a lot. But after, you have them all and you have to be responsible."

"If you don't, then you age." Jude finally spoke up, looking up at me and then over at Lacey. "You prematurely age." I nodded, looking from him back over to Lacey. "Yeah." I agreed. "You prematurely age. The power, it literally becomes your life."

[last_to_believe]

Sooo... basically, magic was going to turn my boyfriend into an addict? Was that what Caleb was trying to tell me? That you could score if you wanted to, but before you know it, you're a junkie and you're doing uh, magical favors so that people will- wait, what? I'd gotten myself all confused with my own stupid analogy. But basically, they got so powerful, they became addicted to what they could do and then what?

They... prematurely age. This time, the information was coming from Jude and I dragged my eyes away from Caleb to look at him.

"I don't understand," I admitted softly, though the part about the power literally becomin' their life sounded a little scary in theory. Which, made it technically scary since it wasn't just a theory. It was literal.

"So you prematurely age. Does that just mean you get a receding hairline and bad back a little bit younger than most guys?" I asked, and even before I said the next part, I knew that part of me didn't even want to know. "Or does it kill you?" I was worried now. I didn't want Jude to get a receding hairline early. I liked his hairline. And I wasn't really worried about him having a bad back or anything. I was a Slayer, I could do all the heavy lifting. But I didn't want him to die, and that was what I was stuck on. And Caleb, I didn't want anything to happen to him either. We had this weird bond over what happened to Lexi. I was pulling for him, you know? I cared.

I stood up, flinging my arms across my chest dramatically as I looked down at Jude. "If you ever use your powers again, I will break up with you!" I announced. I couldn't help it! I was scared now. "More cocoa?" I said, in Caleb's general direction, but I didn't really want or even wait for an answer. I rushed off to the kitchen before anyone could stop me or remind me that I was the one who'd wanted to know.

[wage_this_rage]

Why did Caleb have to show up over here and start telling Lacey all this stuff? I kept it from her for a reason. I didn't want her to get freaked out and start worrying about me. About losing me too. She just lost her best friend and now she just found out about my whole big secret. Not only that but Caleb had to tell her the biggest part of it. The aging thing. And now, I could see it on her face. She was completely freaked. Thanks Caleb, seriously.

Lacey started asking questions, wanting to know if it just caused a receding hairline or if it killed us. Before anyone else could say anything, Lacey jumped to her feet, getting all dramatic and yelling at me that if I ever used my powers again she'd break up with me. Wait a minute here. She wasn't allowed to break up with me! I didn't want her to!

She went storming into the kitchen and I just looked at Caleb. "Sorry man, I wasn't trying to get anything started between you guys. It was just...well, she asked and.." He took a deep breath, rubbing his hands together. "I guess I just felt like opening up." He shrugged. "It's cool, dude. I just need to go talk to her." I motioned my head towards the kitchen as I stood up. "Yeah, no problem." He said. "I'll just hang here, take your time."

Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen where Lacey was making more cocoa. "Hey." I said, rubbing my hands together in front of me. "So, that was pretty intense." I started out. "Guess the snow brings out the truth in everyone huh?" I laughed, trying to lighten the situation. "Come on Lacey. I'm sorry. I guess I should've told you all that stuff. I just..." I frowned. "I don't like talking about it."

[last_to_believe]

Pretty intense? Snow brings out the truth? Well then I guess we're going to need a freak blizzard every time I need to know what's real about something. How could he not have told me? Especially after I let him in on all the Slayer stuff, and stuff about Lexi. He had the perfect opportunity. Many opportunities, actually. So how could he just keep this from me?

"You guess that you should have told me all that 'stuff'? You guess?" I shook my head, throwing the spoon I used to measure the alcohol with right into the blender. I still hadn't figured out my own strength, 'cause the force of it made the expensive glass of the blender shatter, hot chocolate spilling all over the counter and the floor in a wide splash.

"Jude, this is about your life. This is... this is so important. I mean, it's too important. I get that you may not like talkin' about it. And there's a lot of things I don't like talkin' about. But if it's important, I tell you. I'm supposed to be your girlfriend. I'm supposed to be the person you talk to about the things that are hard or that you don't like to talk about." I insisted. "I'm not supposed to be the person you hide those kinds of things from."

I turned my back, crossing my arms against my chest again. This was our first fight. And to make matters worse, we were stuck right here. Without any room to breathe.

[wage_this_rage]

This definitely wasn't going the way I thought it would. She was really pissed about this! I didn't realize it was such a big deal. My eyes went wide and I took a step back when she threw the spoon in the blender causing glass to shatter everywhere. Woah. That was intense.

Lacey started going off on me, like really going off. I just stood there quietly, staring at her as she pointed out how important this stuff was. I should've told her. She was right. But it's not like my dad really talked much about it. He was pretty vague with the details and he didn't really like to talk about it either. He never used his powers, I don't think I've ever seen him use them in fact. So, I just grew up not talking about it. It was something you stayed quiet about.

I sighed as she turned around, scratching my head and looking back into the living room at Caleb. He was just sitting there, staring out the big windows at the beach. I turned back to Lacey and frowned. Was this a fight? We haven't ever been in one.

"Lacey." I said quietly, walking up behind her. "I'm sorry, okay?" I shrugged. "I wasn't trying to hurt you by not talking to you about it. I just...." I scratched my head again. "I've never really talked much about it. It really wasn't something open for discussion around here. It wasn't on the approved list of topics." I grinned, trying to use a little humor to deflect. "I don't know. You're right. I should've. But it's just never been something I've been comfortable talking about."