FM December Topic - Shhh

[last_to_believe]

"Shhh," I said, when Jude protested the new job I'd gotten. He kept insisting that he could take care of me. Kacie was never at the beach house, so even if his parents ever did decide to come home from Europe, I'd still have a place to live. He said that he'd pay my cell phone, and buy me clothes, and take me out to dinner every night so that I was

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[last_to_believe]

"Caleb?" I said, looking down from the snow covered skylight to our visitor. It was weird that he was here, but definitely not unwelcome. Jude was as understanding and supportive as any amazing boyfriend could be. But Caleb could understand this thing with Lexi better than anyone could. He was hurting just as much. He loved her too. Might've been a different kind of love, but didn't almost all love hurt just the same when it was gone? I thought it did.

"Hey," I said, offering him a smile and stepping up for a hug as he thanked me, Jude having let him in. "No problem." I gave him a small squeeze before stepping back, shaking some of the snow from my hair that had tumbled from his.

The boys both sat and I went into the kitchen, putting a small pot of milk on the stove to heat while Caleb warmed up and him and Jude made small talk. When the milk reached a boil but before it could make a skin, I took it off, pouring it into a blender with some mint cocoa powder until it was frothy and perfectly mixed. A little peppermint schnapps and some whipped cream on top, I carried a tray of my own cold day drink back in to where the boys were sitting, passing them around. So maybe it had never gone all arctic in Louisiana, but we'd done some camping when I was a Girl Scout and there'd been some cold nights. Minus the alcohol, but whatever.

I curled up next to Jude, taking a sip of my own and laughing just slightly at the whipped cream that stuck to my lip which my boyfriend promptly wiped away with his thumb. I suddenly felt kinda bad and moved a little bit away. It couldn't be easy for Caleb to watch this couple kind of stuff going on. Not when he couldn't be like this with Lexi.

"So, this storm," I said, attempting to direct attention elsewhere. "It's totally one of those magic bubbles gone wrong, isn't it?" I said, half-teasing, and still half-curious of just what these boys could do. What they were capable of. 'Cause snow in Los Angeles? Doesn't happen naturally.

[sonof_ipswich]

I wrapped my arms around her small frame, returning her hug. Smiling at her as she stepped back, I rubbed my hand over my head, getting the last of the snow out of my hair. Lacey disappeared into the kitchen and I followed Jude into the living room to sit down. He took the couch, so I sat down in the chair next to it, rubbing my hands together to warm them up. At least it was warm in here.

Jude and I made idle conversation until Lacey came back into the room, tray of drinks in hand. I started to stand up to help her, but she had it under control. I was just trying to be mannerly. Sitting back down, I took a mug from her tray and smiled. "Thanks." I said, taking a sip. It was good. "Nothing like hot chocolate on a snowy day huh?" Not that LA was famous for its snow, but we'd had plenty in Ipswich. I smiled to myself, thinking about the fun we used to have in the snow up there. Pogue, Tyler, Reid and I were always out playing in it when we were kids.

I took another sip of my drink, this time I could taste the alcohol in it. Not strong or anything, but it was there. I tried not to watch them when Lacey got the whipped cream on her lip and Jude wiped it away. But I couldn't help it. And I couldn't help but miss Lexi even more. Guess that was a given. Especially being here with Lacey. Even Jude. Looking away, I watched the snow out the window until Lacey spoke up.

Laughing, I shook my head, my eyes moving over to Jude who looked at me oddly. "No. Nothing like that. I'm afraid it doesn't really work that way. So, we're not behind this one." I laughed again, hoping Jude wouldn't be all weird over it. We hadn't exactly talked about this stuff since that night on the beach. It was almost like that night never happened. Well, that part of it anyway.

"Yeah." Jude added, smiling at Lacey. "Totally innocent." He held up his hands in surrender.

[last_to_believe]

"Just checking." I said, laughing as I reached over and hit Jude playfully, ending his mock surrender as he pretended to be really wounded. Pshaw. I'd barely hit him! Definitely not to even half the capacity I'd found I have when Lexi took me to a vampire bar and made me bait. I guess I still needed Kennedy to train me. I was just trying to figure everything else out at that moment before I could sign myself up for something like that.

It was comfortable, here in denial. No big, bad world beyond these doors, even if I knew that wasn't really truth. Caleb bein' the living, breathing proof that the big, bad world is all around us, takin' things away from us. I brushed some hair from my eyes, not wanting to bring it up. Not now, not here. Lexi was gonna be sorry she missed the party.

"So, if it doesn't work that way, then how does it work?" I asked, tentatively. "I mean, I know it's some big secret or whatever. But I'm a vampire Slayer and that's supposed to be a secret too, but Jude knows and now you know too." It was just so cool and scary at the same time. I wanted to know way more about it than Jude usually wanted to say. Like he was tryin' to protect me from some really scary part of the secret or something.

"You don't have to answer," I added, not that I thought they'd tell me if they didn't really want to. "It's just that Le- I know someone, who's aunt is a witch. And she said she's never seen the bubble thing before." I took a long sip of my cocoa, thankful there was still plenty more to be made if needed and hoped maybe it would shut me up just long enough to stop seeming so desperate and annoying.

[sonof_ipswich]

"It's okay, Lacey." I said, giving her a nod. "You can say her name. You don't have to hold back on my account." My smile confirmed my words. It was hard to hear her name, hard to talk about her, but I couldn't just avoid it all together could I? Lacey was her best friend, she had to be going through a hard time too. Maybe that's why I ended up here. Or why the snow hit when it did to bring me here.

I looked over at Jude to see if he was gonna say anything about what Lacey had asked about. She wanted to know about our powers. But Jude looked like he really didn't want to talk about it, and considering what had happened between us, i can't really blame him. But the truth was, I felt comfortable with Lacey. Maybe it was because of her connection with Lexi and me missing her so much. I don't know, but she wanted to know about our secret, and I felt inclined to share.

"Well, honestly, I thought it was just between five families. The first ones to settle the colony of Ipswich. But then I found out that there was this other guy who had descended from the bloodline too. It's a complicated story. And Jude here?" I looked over at him and he gave me a look, but he also seemed interested too. "I don't know. There were no Barretts in the old colony. In our history. I'll have to look more into it." I shrugged, turning my attention back to Lacey. "The first born male. That's the one who gets the powers. And you get it on your 13th birthday. Kind of like a trial. A test." I explained, clasping my hands in front of me. "When you turn 18, you ascend. That's when you get your full powers. And that's when you have to be careful."

[last_to_believe]

I smiled sheepishly in Caleb's direction. Of course he knew exactly who I was talkin' about. The truth was, it was still just a little hard for me to say her name too. Still hurt. "Sometimes it's just easier not to." I whispered, before looking away from both of the boys to fight back a few tears that stung my eyes. I blinked them away, taking a long drink of my alcohol laced cocoa before turning back to them, twisting a strand of hair around my finger in a conscious attempt not to let myself go there emotionally again.

Jude didn't seem to keen on the magic talk, but I really wanted to know, and Caleb seemed more than willing to explain. Maybe he needed to talk about it. Maybe Jude needed to talk about it too, but he was in denial or something. You can't carry something heavy like a secret for that long before you need to talk about it eventually. It was only hours before I told my boyfriend all about the Slayer thing.

So I listened to him explain, taking note of the cool history aspect of it all. It was like something out of one of those movies that you know are ten times more interesting than it really was back in those days when everyone was all uptight and religious. It was weird that he'd have to look more into the history to find Jude. There was no denyin' what Jude was or what he could do. It was practically the same thing.

I put my drink down for a second, my interest totally piqued when he mentioned you had to be careful after you ascended. I glanced at Jude for a minute. He wasn't 18 yet, but he was still pretty powerful. Like, how much more power were we talking? And why the caution?

"Why do you have to be careful?" I asked. "You guys don't like, accidentally start killing people or anything do you? Or go power crazy and try to end the world like Lexi's mom's friend's friend who was a witch once did?"

[sonof_ipswich]

Jude was still avoiding my eyes. But I wasn't stopping. She wanted to know and for some reason, I just felt like talking. And telling her. Something told me Lacey wasn't the only one who wanted to know all this stuff. Jude did too. Even if he acted like he didn't. I wondered if he knew about all this stuff. Did he have a full grasp on his powers or did he abuse it? That night on the beach wasn't the best example I had of the guy. I shouldn't have let him expose me like that too, but I let him push me that night. I caved in. It was a mistake I wouldn't make again. Using my powers out in the open like that. I really didn't use them at all, unless it was dire.

I took another drink of my mint hot chocolate, chuckling as I pulled the cup away from my lips and Lacey started bombarding me with more questions. "No." I said, shaking my head. "Nothing like that. It's more like we have to be careful not to use." I tried to explain the best way I knew how. "The power. It's unimaginable. And? It's seductive." My eyes moved over to Jude who still had his head lowered, avoiding my gaze. Moving my attention back to Lacey, I gave her a serious look. Maybe she could keep him in line. Make sure he didn't use. "Once you go through your ascension, it changes. You get your full powers. What you have before is just a taste. And even that's a lot. But after, you have them all and you have to be responsible."

"If you don't, then you age." Jude finally spoke up, looking up at me and then over at Lacey. "You prematurely age." I nodded, looking from him back over to Lacey. "Yeah." I agreed. "You prematurely age. The power, it literally becomes your life."

[last_to_believe]

Sooo... basically, magic was going to turn my boyfriend into an addict? Was that what Caleb was trying to tell me? That you could score if you wanted to, but before you know it, you're a junkie and you're doing uh, magical favors so that people will- wait, what? I'd gotten myself all confused with my own stupid analogy. But basically, they got so powerful, they became addicted to what they could do and then what?

They... prematurely age. This time, the information was coming from Jude and I dragged my eyes away from Caleb to look at him.

"I don't understand," I admitted softly, though the part about the power literally becomin' their life sounded a little scary in theory. Which, made it technically scary since it wasn't just a theory. It was literal.

"So you prematurely age. Does that just mean you get a receding hairline and bad back a little bit younger than most guys?" I asked, and even before I said the next part, I knew that part of me didn't even want to know. "Or does it kill you?" I was worried now. I didn't want Jude to get a receding hairline early. I liked his hairline. And I wasn't really worried about him having a bad back or anything. I was a Slayer, I could do all the heavy lifting. But I didn't want him to die, and that was what I was stuck on. And Caleb, I didn't want anything to happen to him either. We had this weird bond over what happened to Lexi. I was pulling for him, you know? I cared.

I stood up, flinging my arms across my chest dramatically as I looked down at Jude. "If you ever use your powers again, I will break up with you!" I announced. I couldn't help it! I was scared now. "More cocoa?" I said, in Caleb's general direction, but I didn't really want or even wait for an answer. I rushed off to the kitchen before anyone could stop me or remind me that I was the one who'd wanted to know.

[wage_this_rage]

Why did Caleb have to show up over here and start telling Lacey all this stuff? I kept it from her for a reason. I didn't want her to get freaked out and start worrying about me. About losing me too. She just lost her best friend and now she just found out about my whole big secret. Not only that but Caleb had to tell her the biggest part of it. The aging thing. And now, I could see it on her face. She was completely freaked. Thanks Caleb, seriously.

Lacey started asking questions, wanting to know if it just caused a receding hairline or if it killed us. Before anyone else could say anything, Lacey jumped to her feet, getting all dramatic and yelling at me that if I ever used my powers again she'd break up with me. Wait a minute here. She wasn't allowed to break up with me! I didn't want her to!

She went storming into the kitchen and I just looked at Caleb. "Sorry man, I wasn't trying to get anything started between you guys. It was just...well, she asked and.." He took a deep breath, rubbing his hands together. "I guess I just felt like opening up." He shrugged. "It's cool, dude. I just need to go talk to her." I motioned my head towards the kitchen as I stood up. "Yeah, no problem." He said. "I'll just hang here, take your time."

Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen where Lacey was making more cocoa. "Hey." I said, rubbing my hands together in front of me. "So, that was pretty intense." I started out. "Guess the snow brings out the truth in everyone huh?" I laughed, trying to lighten the situation. "Come on Lacey. I'm sorry. I guess I should've told you all that stuff. I just..." I frowned. "I don't like talking about it."

[last_to_believe]

Pretty intense? Snow brings out the truth? Well then I guess we're going to need a freak blizzard every time I need to know what's real about something. How could he not have told me? Especially after I let him in on all the Slayer stuff, and stuff about Lexi. He had the perfect opportunity. Many opportunities, actually. So how could he just keep this from me?

"You guess that you should have told me all that 'stuff'? You guess?" I shook my head, throwing the spoon I used to measure the alcohol with right into the blender. I still hadn't figured out my own strength, 'cause the force of it made the expensive glass of the blender shatter, hot chocolate spilling all over the counter and the floor in a wide splash.

"Jude, this is about your life. This is... this is so important. I mean, it's too important. I get that you may not like talkin' about it. And there's a lot of things I don't like talkin' about. But if it's important, I tell you. I'm supposed to be your girlfriend. I'm supposed to be the person you talk to about the things that are hard or that you don't like to talk about." I insisted. "I'm not supposed to be the person you hide those kinds of things from."

I turned my back, crossing my arms against my chest again. This was our first fight. And to make matters worse, we were stuck right here. Without any room to breathe.

[wage_this_rage]

This definitely wasn't going the way I thought it would. She was really pissed about this! I didn't realize it was such a big deal. My eyes went wide and I took a step back when she threw the spoon in the blender causing glass to shatter everywhere. Woah. That was intense.

Lacey started going off on me, like really going off. I just stood there quietly, staring at her as she pointed out how important this stuff was. I should've told her. She was right. But it's not like my dad really talked much about it. He was pretty vague with the details and he didn't really like to talk about it either. He never used his powers, I don't think I've ever seen him use them in fact. So, I just grew up not talking about it. It was something you stayed quiet about.

I sighed as she turned around, scratching my head and looking back into the living room at Caleb. He was just sitting there, staring out the big windows at the beach. I turned back to Lacey and frowned. Was this a fight? We haven't ever been in one.

"Lacey." I said quietly, walking up behind her. "I'm sorry, okay?" I shrugged. "I wasn't trying to hurt you by not talking to you about it. I just...." I scratched my head again. "I've never really talked much about it. It really wasn't something open for discussion around here. It wasn't on the approved list of topics." I grinned, trying to use a little humor to deflect. "I don't know. You're right. I should've. But it's just never been something I've been comfortable talking about."