contest entry: Surface Tension by Elvis

[red_slash_army]

entry #15, Surface Tension by Elvis

synopsis: Inspired by episode #25 of Kagrra no Su.
ratings/warnings: PG-13
entered in: category 1 (open)
dartboard: yes
concrit: 2

Comments

[anonymous]

Dart 1 (Blue) ~~ worth up to 35 points.
Mechanics and style. 32

Nice. A smooth, easy read. Nothing awkward at all, considering there's so much conversation. I liked it.

Dart 2 (Red) ~~ worth up to 35 points
Storytelling and effectiveness. 30

I like it very much! It's a subtle plot, full of red herrings for the reader. It was fun to go down all those dead ends and continually be surprised. Given that the point of contention in this fic is Tora being not-so-straight, I'm fond of it -- it's not wangsty at all. That's refreshing.
Plus points for what Saga's really concerned about and Hiropon not wangsting over rejection, etc. *grins*

Dart 3 (Yellow) ~~ worth up to 30 points
Characterization, and dialogue if applicable. 26

Characterization was done deftly. I didn't read very closely, yet I could still tell who was doing what and saying what even when the entire band had a very lively interaction.

I love all the cute lines in this, they make me snicker out loud. Some of them are a little cliche, like "Don't kill him, Saga, unless you wanna find us a new guitarist!", but what's dialogue without a little cliche?
The point I think is that they were all used appropriately and at the right time which made for a fun read.

Personal Board: +10

[anonymous]

Yay, you got it! 8D; Clearly, I have to add more detail though since not everyone is quite so observant, heh. ♥ Funny how I can write subtle in fics, but I'm so very unsubtle IRL. >_>; Like a brick to the face, or so I'm told. XD Ahem.

This will be revised and will probably become another multi-part, since I've wanted to write a Tora/Akiya since I saw that KnS episode. :D