hmmm just pondering

[last_in_second]

i wish there was a reset button. even if there was i dunno, i would still play the game.
i try concintrating till my head explodes full of tears
ya no i miss everything
i cant be happy making eggs anymore, or riding bikes, going to shows, talking on the phone, listening to music, going to the park, going swimming randomly, going to brighton, going to milpond, going to imagination station, watching family guy, king of the hill, simpsons, riding in cars, eating mcdonalds or wendys, tickling, huging, cuddling, belly rubs, raspberrys, crying at the stars, laughing, talking to friends, making fun of things, playing with dogs, laying in the grass, going to lil chef, making scrapbooks, talking about john stamos, diet right, trading cloths, drawing in the dark, dancing, laying down, love and like 10000000000000000000000000000 things more.
but all of this he can easily find in her. and i hate myself for this
maybe i shouldnt have let myself go so fast, maybe i shouldnt have given up my world, maybe i shouldnt have nagged, or fought, and should have just excepted everything that he did, maybe i should have forced things on him, maybe i shouldnt have fell in love. maybe i shouldnt have just been me.

i wanna be you right now alix

goddamnit why do i feel like i have everything bad tehre is going for me right now?
the one person i want to care doesnt. wont even talk to me. wont even act like i exist. wont even say 'i value our friendship more that her'

because im not worth it
if i was then why is this happenign?
im driving THE ONE away

i should have saw it coming
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself
i hate myself

have you ever been shot in the heart? well i have lived to tell the tale and believe me you can still feel the wounds.

i hate myself.

i got a detention today.
yaaay more time to think about what i have done