(no subject)
well its safe to say that im not going to see her.
i feel better now. i feel like i faced temptation and conquered it.
i learned what my biggest problem is.
i lose myself in thought about her. i find myself thinking of the good times we had so long ago and missing her. missing the times we had fun and the times we were in love. the times i thought we could get through anything.
what i need to focus on is that it was all a facade. she is now what she was before she met me. a partier. a drinker. a sex... whatever. i still remember our first date. this guy called her when we went to wendys. basically what she told him was that she didnt want to be his mistress anymore. and i knew that. how did i not see that? how was i so blind to that?
for these last oh.. 10 months, my friends and family have been telling me that she was no good for me, and i had just assumed that they were just saying the things you say when you console a friend that just got broken up with. but now, i see their faces and see that it is true. yeah things were great and dandy to start off with, but there was a turning point somewhere in there. thats when i should have gotten out.
shes going around telling her friends that some girl was the end of us and that i basically cheated on her. any of those people that truly know me would just roll their eyes in disbelief. we are over because it was meant to end. thats all.
it can be summed up in one moment. 2 days after we "took a break" my grandpa died. i had no one to turn to. i needed comfort and so i called her, crying. in pain. this close to throwing up.
..."keep your chin up kiddo..."
thats all i got.
thats who she really is. it didnt affect her at all. it didnt matter how sad i was, she was more important. she couldnt even have been a friend. you cant fake that. she genuinely didnt care.
and thats who she is.
and thats who i need to think of her as.
i went from being lonely because i missed her, to missing her because im lonely...
its so hard to be single. i hate it. but i dont want to force something with anybody. i want it to real. im in no place for a relationship at all right now.
and that sucks
i feel better now. i feel like i faced temptation and conquered it.
i learned what my biggest problem is.
i lose myself in thought about her. i find myself thinking of the good times we had so long ago and missing her. missing the times we had fun and the times we were in love. the times i thought we could get through anything.
what i need to focus on is that it was all a facade. she is now what she was before she met me. a partier. a drinker. a sex... whatever. i still remember our first date. this guy called her when we went to wendys. basically what she told him was that she didnt want to be his mistress anymore. and i knew that. how did i not see that? how was i so blind to that?
for these last oh.. 10 months, my friends and family have been telling me that she was no good for me, and i had just assumed that they were just saying the things you say when you console a friend that just got broken up with. but now, i see their faces and see that it is true. yeah things were great and dandy to start off with, but there was a turning point somewhere in there. thats when i should have gotten out.
shes going around telling her friends that some girl was the end of us and that i basically cheated on her. any of those people that truly know me would just roll their eyes in disbelief. we are over because it was meant to end. thats all.
it can be summed up in one moment. 2 days after we "took a break" my grandpa died. i had no one to turn to. i needed comfort and so i called her, crying. in pain. this close to throwing up.
..."keep your chin up kiddo..."
thats all i got.
thats who she really is. it didnt affect her at all. it didnt matter how sad i was, she was more important. she couldnt even have been a friend. you cant fake that. she genuinely didnt care.
and thats who she is.
and thats who i need to think of her as.
i went from being lonely because i missed her, to missing her because im lonely...
its so hard to be single. i hate it. but i dont want to force something with anybody. i want it to real. im in no place for a relationship at all right now.
and that sucks