(no subject)

[last_]

i went to the hospital last night. i got a call from my friend in the morning(yesterday) she was letting me know she was about to have her baby. so anyway i went to the hospital later that night and when i saw her i got FREAKED out. i seriously was having an anxiety attack. just seeing her in such pain scared the living shit out of me...also made me want to never have kids. but who knows maybe i'll change my mind. or atleast i hope i do because i know steve wants kids eventually. i felt so bad for her she looked so pallid and just plain out sick. i hate hospitals. they scare me. after that i went to my grandpas and just spent some time over there helped clean his apt. he gave me a bible which is good because i didnt have one except a childrens bible from when i was like 2. i also got this picture of me from when i was 2 years old. i was the cutest kid ever. even when i was a baby i got compliments left and right. what happened:|

I try to understand myself
but in the end im left with nothing else
im only misunderstood and left cold
sometimes i wish i wasnt so bold
and selfish.
i can't fix everything
but i can bring
myself satisfaction.