some thinky thoughts about sexuality
I am prefacing this with the following: I like Lady Gaga's music. I find her fashion frequently incomprehensible and bizarre in a way I do not get and that doesn't appeal to my aesthetic sense, but that's neither here nor there.
But I read this post, From the "You're Not Helping" Files, by yuki_onna today, about some choice things that Lady Gaga said in an interview with a Japanese magazine. And this quoted bit stood out:
Lady Gaga declares she is bisexual as she appears on the cover of Japanese magazine Giselle. The 'Pokerface' singer appears on the latest issue of the publication with her hair in her trademark bow. Inside she says she could easily get with a girl but looks for relationships with men. "I am bisexual," she says. "I can go out with girls but in my opinion, love and sex are different."
And...I have some serious problems with this statement.
I self-identify as bisexual, insofar as I find women attractive and can entirely picture myself in a relationship with one. In practice, my relationships have all been with men, but for all of that, I have found some of my female friends more attractive than some of the men I have dated, and I often have felt more emotionally connected, more understood, to and by the women in my life in a way I have not approached with men I have dated.
And while I definitely agree with moonvoice in the comments of that post that not everyone does nor should they have to conflate love and sex, I feel more strongly that statements like Gaga's are why people laugh when I say I'm bisexual, or say "Sure but you only date boys,"* or wink and say "for your boyfriend, right?"
*Note how this acknowledges only past behaviour, not potential for the future.
NO. Not for my boyfriend. FOR ME. Also I really don't comprehend this attitude that I need to be kissing girls in public (for the titillation of the menfolks who think it's OMG SO HAWT) to prove my bi cred.
And statements like hers--that women are for the sexin' and men are for the marryin'--bother the everloving crap out of me on both a feminist level, and on the level that she is taking a thing that I identify with, and turning into something that is not remotely like what I identify with. Sure, not everyone's bi in the same way. Nor should we be. And people use words differently. But as yuki_onna said, she's not in a vacuum. What she says, precisely because she is such a pervasive cultural force (for good or ill) right now, has long-lasting ripple effects, and I rather wish she'd be more aware of it.
And yes, I'm aware that a lot of the problem is to do with the society we live in, and the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are frequently Othered and exoticized in ways that benefit the kyriarchy--because by fitting it into boxes, it's much easier to reduce the perceived threat, and by inculcating those viewpoints into the fabric of society the kyriarchy ensures its own power. But if you're going to paint yourself as queer icon, if you're going to accept invitations to march at the head of the Pride Parade and be a spokeswoman for GLBTQ people--don't you think you should consider how your words affect the way that people perceive the movement you theoretically champion and claim membership in?
I mean, I'm just sayin'.
But I read this post, From the "You're Not Helping" Files, by yuki_onna today, about some choice things that Lady Gaga said in an interview with a Japanese magazine. And this quoted bit stood out:
Lady Gaga declares she is bisexual as she appears on the cover of Japanese magazine Giselle. The 'Pokerface' singer appears on the latest issue of the publication with her hair in her trademark bow. Inside she says she could easily get with a girl but looks for relationships with men. "I am bisexual," she says. "I can go out with girls but in my opinion, love and sex are different."
And...I have some serious problems with this statement.
I self-identify as bisexual, insofar as I find women attractive and can entirely picture myself in a relationship with one. In practice, my relationships have all been with men, but for all of that, I have found some of my female friends more attractive than some of the men I have dated, and I often have felt more emotionally connected, more understood, to and by the women in my life in a way I have not approached with men I have dated.
And while I definitely agree with moonvoice in the comments of that post that not everyone does nor should they have to conflate love and sex, I feel more strongly that statements like Gaga's are why people laugh when I say I'm bisexual, or say "Sure but you only date boys,"* or wink and say "for your boyfriend, right?"
*Note how this acknowledges only past behaviour, not potential for the future.
NO. Not for my boyfriend. FOR ME. Also I really don't comprehend this attitude that I need to be kissing girls in public (for the titillation of the menfolks who think it's OMG SO HAWT) to prove my bi cred.
And statements like hers--that women are for the sexin' and men are for the marryin'--bother the everloving crap out of me on both a feminist level, and on the level that she is taking a thing that I identify with, and turning into something that is not remotely like what I identify with. Sure, not everyone's bi in the same way. Nor should we be. And people use words differently. But as yuki_onna said, she's not in a vacuum. What she says, precisely because she is such a pervasive cultural force (for good or ill) right now, has long-lasting ripple effects, and I rather wish she'd be more aware of it.
And yes, I'm aware that a lot of the problem is to do with the society we live in, and the fact that homosexuality and bisexuality are frequently Othered and exoticized in ways that benefit the kyriarchy--because by fitting it into boxes, it's much easier to reduce the perceived threat, and by inculcating those viewpoints into the fabric of society the kyriarchy ensures its own power. But if you're going to paint yourself as queer icon, if you're going to accept invitations to march at the head of the Pride Parade and be a spokeswoman for GLBTQ people--don't you think you should consider how your words affect the way that people perceive the movement you theoretically champion and claim membership in?
I mean, I'm just sayin'.