Oooooh.
pooka_madness spent most of the day up here. He played Wind Waker for a good long while. Both he and Dana have played my copy of this game. From observing the two of them I have come to the very definite determination that I never want to play it. Once they're done, I'm selling it back. I would just break something in pure frustration at the stupid nitpicky fucking bullshit that game contains.
I made kielbasa and au gratin potatoes for supper, and calhin came by to hang out a bit. Then he got engaged in watching Dana play City of Heroes, so Pooka and I started up with the Buffy season 4 discs. We watched from "Who Are You" straight to "Restless." (That's episodes 16 to 22, or about 315 minutes of Buffy goodness.) I have determined that I would definitely jump on Alyson Hannigan, Mark Blucas, or James Marsters given half a chance. (Plus the obvious SMG and David Boreanaz, naturally.) *snerk*
Restless was incredibly neat and intense, and I bet I have wicked fucked up dreams as a result.
Time for me to go perform nightly ablutions and go to bed. I think tomorrow I might clean some things. Yes, I realise that's apocalypse-inducing stuff right there. But this place has got to sparkle by next Wednesday!
Also did a lot of Demon reading today. My chronicle is coming together!
Okay. Teeth brushing, hair brushing, face washing, all that happy stuff.
Teddy bears are not as good for cuddling as real live people. But I'll whine about that some other time.
This place seems empty without everyone. Pooka, Dana, Chris, and I are the only ones of our immediate friends group who are currently here--Sam will be back in less than a month, but even so. It feels....empty. Not that I don't love those who're here, but summer to me always feels like my life has been packed into boxes to be stored for the fall, even if I didn't pack up and go home. It feels like I have reached the point at which I slide into subsistence and lose human interaction except onscreen, locked inside my little electronic box and taken out only when someone feels like playing. I'm sure a great deal of this feeling comes from the last three summers, when all my friends were somewhere that was not where I was, and I had little access to real life interaction. Particularly last summer. And I know that this summer will be different, as some of my friends will be here. But I look around my room, which is as messy as always and full of my stuff and my energy and my personality. I look at the common room, which has my crap scattered everywhere and I can feel my own psychic signature permeating it. I feel my energy, I see my stuff, and I still feel like someone else has packed up my life and locked me into a box I can't touch, can't see, but I know it's there and it's holding me in.
School is over. And this time it's really over. I'm done. I graduate in less than a week. I have a diploma. And I don't know where to go. Maybe that's why I feel locked into an invisible intangible box. There's this whole world out there and I have no idea how to go about becoming a part of it. My world has always centered around school, around the structured and regimented acquisition of knowledge as determined by someone senior to myself. Now that's gone. I mean, sure, I could go back to grad school, get a master's or even a Ph.D. I'd kind of like to do that someday, and maybe I will. But I am not doing it now, and it's like there's so much out there that I could do, but my brain still wants to be in college and so I won't reach past the edges of what was to find out what might be. I don't want to know what's out there because I'm a goddamn coward and I fear what I don't know.
My God, I feel so alone right now. "You're not ready for the world outside. You keep pretending, but you just can't hide..."
Maybe I should just actually go to bed, and worry about it later. Fuck, that's always my policy. Worry about it later. Well guess what princess, later's here. Fucking deal with it already you stupid cowardly cunt.
I'm all wound up on caffeine and nerves. It's bedtime now. If I can sleep.
I made kielbasa and au gratin potatoes for supper, and calhin came by to hang out a bit. Then he got engaged in watching Dana play City of Heroes, so Pooka and I started up with the Buffy season 4 discs. We watched from "Who Are You" straight to "Restless." (That's episodes 16 to 22, or about 315 minutes of Buffy goodness.) I have determined that I would definitely jump on Alyson Hannigan, Mark Blucas, or James Marsters given half a chance. (Plus the obvious SMG and David Boreanaz, naturally.) *snerk*
Restless was incredibly neat and intense, and I bet I have wicked fucked up dreams as a result.
Time for me to go perform nightly ablutions and go to bed. I think tomorrow I might clean some things. Yes, I realise that's apocalypse-inducing stuff right there. But this place has got to sparkle by next Wednesday!
Also did a lot of Demon reading today. My chronicle is coming together!
Okay. Teeth brushing, hair brushing, face washing, all that happy stuff.
Teddy bears are not as good for cuddling as real live people. But I'll whine about that some other time.
This place seems empty without everyone. Pooka, Dana, Chris, and I are the only ones of our immediate friends group who are currently here--Sam will be back in less than a month, but even so. It feels....empty. Not that I don't love those who're here, but summer to me always feels like my life has been packed into boxes to be stored for the fall, even if I didn't pack up and go home. It feels like I have reached the point at which I slide into subsistence and lose human interaction except onscreen, locked inside my little electronic box and taken out only when someone feels like playing. I'm sure a great deal of this feeling comes from the last three summers, when all my friends were somewhere that was not where I was, and I had little access to real life interaction. Particularly last summer. And I know that this summer will be different, as some of my friends will be here. But I look around my room, which is as messy as always and full of my stuff and my energy and my personality. I look at the common room, which has my crap scattered everywhere and I can feel my own psychic signature permeating it. I feel my energy, I see my stuff, and I still feel like someone else has packed up my life and locked me into a box I can't touch, can't see, but I know it's there and it's holding me in.
School is over. And this time it's really over. I'm done. I graduate in less than a week. I have a diploma. And I don't know where to go. Maybe that's why I feel locked into an invisible intangible box. There's this whole world out there and I have no idea how to go about becoming a part of it. My world has always centered around school, around the structured and regimented acquisition of knowledge as determined by someone senior to myself. Now that's gone. I mean, sure, I could go back to grad school, get a master's or even a Ph.D. I'd kind of like to do that someday, and maybe I will. But I am not doing it now, and it's like there's so much out there that I could do, but my brain still wants to be in college and so I won't reach past the edges of what was to find out what might be. I don't want to know what's out there because I'm a goddamn coward and I fear what I don't know.
My God, I feel so alone right now. "You're not ready for the world outside. You keep pretending, but you just can't hide..."
Maybe I should just actually go to bed, and worry about it later. Fuck, that's always my policy. Worry about it later. Well guess what princess, later's here. Fucking deal with it already you stupid cowardly cunt.
I'm all wound up on caffeine and nerves. It's bedtime now. If I can sleep.