that was an awful month, let's not ever do it again
Then I fell off teh face of the world for a week and a half, because I spent most of last week curled up in a ball of whimpering anxiety thanks to an accumulation of factors. It was basically a 24/7 panic attack, and I was not ok with taking my clonazepam because I knew it was not going to end and I was not going to sign myself up for daily use.
Ugh.
Anyway, the thing that was causing the maximum anxiety is now over and still can't really be talked about, but this past weekend was absolutely amazing. Dead City Productions, the Vampire: The Masquerade/Vampire: The Requiem LARP that I've been playing for 13 years, had its 20th anniversary. Founders returned. There were raffles. There was so much hanging out with the people who are legends to me (whom our babies have never heard of; we have people in DCP now who weren't even born yet when it was founded). There were many hugs and lots of feelings and I realize: even if I drive myself crazy storytelling next year (putting an end to a perfectly fucking good 13-year streak of avoiding all responsibility), I want to be part of the tales of this organization, because it's more than the game.
...too many feelings aside, I should probably at some point do a roundup of April goals.
Video Games
In April:
* Really finish FF12 (stop laughing at me; I made it to Eruyt in March)
* Continue with Bravely Default
* Don't be a failcake in my shiny new FC in FFXIV, by which I mean log in more than once a month
FF12 is still a failure; I made it to the Stilshrine of Miriam but I had no time during April to sit down and play. On the other hand I'm in chapter 8 of Bravely Default, and I'm doing quite well in FF14 if I could stop fucking crafting and actually advance my main class. I am about to outlevel my battle class in Weaver. What. Why.
in May:
* Finish FF12 I swear to God I'm really going to do this
* Finish Bravely Default
Writing
In April:
* Complete broad timeline for Trilogy
* GYWO goal
* Write and post at least one fic of 1000 words
* Determine which chapters of Trilogy 1 are salvageable and which need full rewrites
....I did absolutely none of this and I'm so behind on GYWO it's ludicrous, and I don't think May is going to be any better (we are currently on Week 3 of "Rina has engagements every single day and doesn't do a fucking thing other than drool on the Internet.")
In May:
* Finish my DOINK! fic
Money
In April:
* Eat out only once a week if possible
* Do not spend money on shopping when Mom is here (shoes for the wedding are OK; nothing else)
* Try not to eat dinner out
* Try to sock away a few extra hundred toward the wedding
....nnnnnnnnn. I failed on eating out, I succeeded re: shopping, I mostly failed on eating dinner out too, although I had some extra money left at the end of the month regardless.
In May:
* pay for the fucking wedding
Self
In April:
* Mail wedding invitations and finalize the last few details
* Write vows
* Measurable progress on the needlepoint. There are nine birds, a birdbath, and some flowers and leaves; I have done most of one bird. By the end of April, I want to be done with all of the birds (the flowers/birdbath/leaves are all large blocks of the same color, which makes them easy.)
* Unfuck my dresser drawers and donate anything I haven't worn in the last year.
lmfao I can't even. I sucked at goals in April. I have two birds done, I mailed most of the invitations and fucked up a few, I didn't work on vows, and I didn't even try to unfuck.
In May:
* Keep taking my meds
* Finalize wedding details, including vows
* Finish the needlepoint or buy another gift
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1093283.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.
Ugh.
Anyway, the thing that was causing the maximum anxiety is now over and still can't really be talked about, but this past weekend was absolutely amazing. Dead City Productions, the Vampire: The Masquerade/Vampire: The Requiem LARP that I've been playing for 13 years, had its 20th anniversary. Founders returned. There were raffles. There was so much hanging out with the people who are legends to me (whom our babies have never heard of; we have people in DCP now who weren't even born yet when it was founded). There were many hugs and lots of feelings and I realize: even if I drive myself crazy storytelling next year (putting an end to a perfectly fucking good 13-year streak of avoiding all responsibility), I want to be part of the tales of this organization, because it's more than the game.
...too many feelings aside, I should probably at some point do a roundup of April goals.
Video Games
In April:
* Really finish FF12 (stop laughing at me; I made it to Eruyt in March)
* Continue with Bravely Default
* Don't be a failcake in my shiny new FC in FFXIV, by which I mean log in more than once a month
FF12 is still a failure; I made it to the Stilshrine of Miriam but I had no time during April to sit down and play. On the other hand I'm in chapter 8 of Bravely Default, and I'm doing quite well in FF14 if I could stop fucking crafting and actually advance my main class. I am about to outlevel my battle class in Weaver. What. Why.
in May:
* Finish FF12 I swear to God I'm really going to do this
* Finish Bravely Default
Writing
In April:
* Complete broad timeline for Trilogy
* GYWO goal
* Write and post at least one fic of 1000 words
* Determine which chapters of Trilogy 1 are salvageable and which need full rewrites
....I did absolutely none of this and I'm so behind on GYWO it's ludicrous, and I don't think May is going to be any better (we are currently on Week 3 of "Rina has engagements every single day and doesn't do a fucking thing other than drool on the Internet.")
In May:
* Finish my DOINK! fic
Money
In April:
* Eat out only once a week if possible
* Do not spend money on shopping when Mom is here (shoes for the wedding are OK; nothing else)
* Try not to eat dinner out
* Try to sock away a few extra hundred toward the wedding
....nnnnnnnnn. I failed on eating out, I succeeded re: shopping, I mostly failed on eating dinner out too, although I had some extra money left at the end of the month regardless.
In May:
* pay for the fucking wedding
Self
In April:
* Mail wedding invitations and finalize the last few details
* Write vows
* Measurable progress on the needlepoint. There are nine birds, a birdbath, and some flowers and leaves; I have done most of one bird. By the end of April, I want to be done with all of the birds (the flowers/birdbath/leaves are all large blocks of the same color, which makes them easy.)
* Unfuck my dresser drawers and donate anything I haven't worn in the last year.
lmfao I can't even. I sucked at goals in April. I have two birds done, I mailed most of the invitations and fucked up a few, I didn't work on vows, and I didn't even try to unfuck.
In May:
* Keep taking my meds
* Finalize wedding details, including vows
* Finish the needlepoint or buy another gift
I've posted this at http://lassarina.dreamwidth.org/1093283.html and you may comment there or here. On Dreamwidth, this entry has
comments.