thoughts on polyamory...
Just now, for whatever reason, I found myself needing to do a google search. I noticed that google thought I was logged in, which is kinda odd considering that I generally never use gmail or anything. After looking up into the top right corner, I noticed that Cara had in fact left herself logged into her email account on my computer.
Now... I am quite sure that a lot of you know how I would have reacted in the pre-polyamory days. There would have been the ping of jealousy for whatever secrets she must be hiding and a strong urge to see if she is some how cheating on me. I of course was never one to succumb to those types of feelings and would have eventually logged her off with feelings of resentment for not allowing myself to just look.
Today, I sat here thinking about how I felt about having access to her email. To my surprise, I felt no need to look through it at all. I took a lot of comfort in knowing that whatever she had going on just wasn't something I needed to know about. So with a really big smile on my face, I happily logged her out without even giving it another thought.
I think its just amazing the difference I am finding in my mindset after finally embracing polyamory. Yeah, of course there are always going to be the rocky times where things are not right... but on the whole things are a lot better.
Then again... Now that I am being medicated properly for my bipolar disorder again, I might just be confusing a lack of delusions for a change of mindset. Who knows.
Now... I am quite sure that a lot of you know how I would have reacted in the pre-polyamory days. There would have been the ping of jealousy for whatever secrets she must be hiding and a strong urge to see if she is some how cheating on me. I of course was never one to succumb to those types of feelings and would have eventually logged her off with feelings of resentment for not allowing myself to just look.
Today, I sat here thinking about how I felt about having access to her email. To my surprise, I felt no need to look through it at all. I took a lot of comfort in knowing that whatever she had going on just wasn't something I needed to know about. So with a really big smile on my face, I happily logged her out without even giving it another thought.
I think its just amazing the difference I am finding in my mindset after finally embracing polyamory. Yeah, of course there are always going to be the rocky times where things are not right... but on the whole things are a lot better.
Then again... Now that I am being medicated properly for my bipolar disorder again, I might just be confusing a lack of delusions for a change of mindset. Who knows.