(no subject)
Man, maintaining spiritual consciousness is hard. After I finish my reading and journaling, as soon as I get up to: get a cup of coffee, check on my plants, etc.; that warm expansion I had felt when connected is gone like my brain forgot of what I just read it 30 seconds. I very much dislike that because I love life when I am willing to accept and be connected. A lot of times after those readings I really do feel like no matter what (even if I get a feeding tube, lose teeth, etc.) I WILL BE OK! I know that sounds weird, but the damage I have already done I can not undo. Yet, when I am willing to choose, I can choose to not accelerate the damage.
In my Inner Harvest I read "Time and Energy; how do we use them?" Of course it mentions the amount of time we spent in food (which for me is at least four hours every evening bingeing and purging on $40 worth of food). HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE: I am expanding, incorporating, and walking away from those activities...its just not cold turkey yet. So, like yesterday although I ate 3 abstinent meals, the third meal turned into a binge. But because of those abstinent meals I was able to: knit, tend to my garden, ride my bike for commuting, audit a class, etc. Thus, the last bit of the reading makes me eager and excited for healthy meals because it read:
"Even though recovery gives us time and energy we did not have before, these precious gifts are limited. EVERYDAY, the way we use these gifts defines the new person we are becoming. Are we learning to say yes to what enhances our growth and not to what impedes us? Are we willing to let our priorities be directed by a Higher Power?"
I jump with excitement reading that thinking: I GET TO BECOME A NEW PERSON...THE PERSON I DREAM OF!>!>!>!> I get to do activities that make me giddy like a little girl which is an enthusiasm that me and everyone around me loves!!!!! I WANT THat. So thank you for taking the effort me to do my readings this morning. I don't have to feel like a failure for bingeing and purging last night. Likewise, no matter my body type and look I CAN LOVE ME (cliche' I know).
In my Inner Harvest I read "Time and Energy; how do we use them?" Of course it mentions the amount of time we spent in food (which for me is at least four hours every evening bingeing and purging on $40 worth of food). HOWEVER, PLEASE NOTE: I am expanding, incorporating, and walking away from those activities...its just not cold turkey yet. So, like yesterday although I ate 3 abstinent meals, the third meal turned into a binge. But because of those abstinent meals I was able to: knit, tend to my garden, ride my bike for commuting, audit a class, etc. Thus, the last bit of the reading makes me eager and excited for healthy meals because it read:
"Even though recovery gives us time and energy we did not have before, these precious gifts are limited. EVERYDAY, the way we use these gifts defines the new person we are becoming. Are we learning to say yes to what enhances our growth and not to what impedes us? Are we willing to let our priorities be directed by a Higher Power?"
I jump with excitement reading that thinking: I GET TO BECOME A NEW PERSON...THE PERSON I DREAM OF!>!>!>!> I get to do activities that make me giddy like a little girl which is an enthusiasm that me and everyone around me loves!!!!! I WANT THat. So thank you for taking the effort me to do my readings this morning. I don't have to feel like a failure for bingeing and purging last night. Likewise, no matter my body type and look I CAN LOVE ME (cliche' I know).