(no subject)
For Dan McDuff
"M. Night Shyamalan
TODAY'S SLAP: M. Night Shyamalan
WHY I WILL SLAP YOU: Here's a short list of what's wrong with the trailer for your next movie, Lady in the Water:
1) Shot of rattling doorknob - it's a cliché, and you've used it in, like, every flick.
2) Enormous eagle - what is this, The Lord of the Rings?
3) The line "does man deserve to be saved?" - uh, isn't the answer obvious?
4) Using the same shot (the one in which the camera zooms up on Giamatti from the back by the pool) twice in one trailer, only in mirror image.
5) MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT AQUATIC WOLVES THAT LIVE UNDER A SWIMMING POOL! Jeez, come on, man; that's like a bad SNL sketch.
WHAT I WILL SLAP YOU WITH: The kids'-book version of the story. If it's suitable for kids, it's not scary.
HOW HARD I WILL SLAP YOU: Hard enough that you'll rewrite the "twist" so that it's actually Teen Wolf coming up from the chlorinated depths. Now that's scary."
"M. Night Shyamalan
TODAY'S SLAP: M. Night Shyamalan
WHY I WILL SLAP YOU: Here's a short list of what's wrong with the trailer for your next movie, Lady in the Water:
1) Shot of rattling doorknob - it's a cliché, and you've used it in, like, every flick.
2) Enormous eagle - what is this, The Lord of the Rings?
3) The line "does man deserve to be saved?" - uh, isn't the answer obvious?
4) Using the same shot (the one in which the camera zooms up on Giamatti from the back by the pool) twice in one trailer, only in mirror image.
5) MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT AQUATIC WOLVES THAT LIVE UNDER A SWIMMING POOL! Jeez, come on, man; that's like a bad SNL sketch.
WHAT I WILL SLAP YOU WITH: The kids'-book version of the story. If it's suitable for kids, it's not scary.
HOW HARD I WILL SLAP YOU: Hard enough that you'll rewrite the "twist" so that it's actually Teen Wolf coming up from the chlorinated depths. Now that's scary."