Laserboy is most definitely not a "fangbanger."
So after I watched the first episode of True Blood a few days ago, naturally I spent the day after at work wondering whether, in the same situation with vampires being outed and "mainstreamed" into society, I would date a vampire.
I put a lot of thought into it. Probably more than is strictly healthy. And it was a definate no.
I kind of think that dating a vampire would be a bit irritating. On a very simple level, if I'm working 9-5 and coming home just to have him getting out of bed it's going to bug the hell out of me. We wouldn't be able to go for lunch or hang out in town and I'd have to do all my shopping online since nothing other than a supermarket (whoop-dee-doo) is going to be open that late. Then we're onto the food thing. I'd be cooking for myself every single night. And doing all the dishes. Again, presumably while he's sitting about staring at me. Or, worse than that, talking down to me. Y'know how it's like when you talk to a 16/17 year old kid now as an adult? He'd be a complete know-it-all, or waaay out of date or, even more cringeworthy, desperately hip.. watching mtv all the time and using the lingo like a tragic 45 year old. I'm eyerolling just thinking about it.
The job thing's also going to come up too. If he's old enough to be in the triple digits and still relying on me to be paying all the bills, what did this guy do with his life???
Fundamentally, drinking blood all the time is going to mean that he'd have to be handy with the tic tacs or mouthwash. Real potential issue there. And while we're on the blood, I don't think I'd be into being used as lunch whenever it took his fancy. It's a whole new level of objectification that I wouldn't be comfortable with.
I don't want to sound anti-vampire. I mean I think I could easily be friends with one and I'd support vampire rights like anyone else, but for all those reasons and probably a hundred more I just couldn't pursue a relationship there.
And then it kind of expanded into whether other supernatural beings were "dateable"...
Werewolf
This one was a toughie for me, since there are really no drawbacks in my mind here. I like the outdoors, roughhousing, a certain kind of masculinity, and the hair is just fine thank you very much.
I get on well with animals quite intuitively so I think I'd hit it off with a werewolf.
Mermaid/man (the Splash variety).
With the best intentions in the world, I think this would wind up being a really abusive relationship. I wouldn't be able to resist turning him half fish for a laugh. Then there'd be the sadistic experimentation: drink in the face, water pistol, rain (especially in Edinburgh). Would it work? Why didn't it work?? Since I don't want to be that kind of guy, I don't particularly like swimming in the ocean, and I think he'd reek of fish anyway... mermen get a no.
Zombie ("I walked with a Zombie", not the Romero kind!!)
This ultimately came down to one thing. While it'd be fine to be seen with an undead celebrity like James Dean, there's just no way in hell I could make myself sleep with one. Even if it was.. non penetrative. Urgh! End of.
At work it expanded further into whether you'd date a Pirate (No. Might as well date a fishmunger) or Superhero (No. Couldn't be bothered with the extra security, and I'd be reduced to making cups of tea and clearing up after him and his colleagues).
So there we are. It's perfectly clear. When it comes down to it, I need to be strong and only date werewolves.
I put a lot of thought into it. Probably more than is strictly healthy. And it was a definate no.
I kind of think that dating a vampire would be a bit irritating. On a very simple level, if I'm working 9-5 and coming home just to have him getting out of bed it's going to bug the hell out of me. We wouldn't be able to go for lunch or hang out in town and I'd have to do all my shopping online since nothing other than a supermarket (whoop-dee-doo) is going to be open that late. Then we're onto the food thing. I'd be cooking for myself every single night. And doing all the dishes. Again, presumably while he's sitting about staring at me. Or, worse than that, talking down to me. Y'know how it's like when you talk to a 16/17 year old kid now as an adult? He'd be a complete know-it-all, or waaay out of date or, even more cringeworthy, desperately hip.. watching mtv all the time and using the lingo like a tragic 45 year old. I'm eyerolling just thinking about it.
The job thing's also going to come up too. If he's old enough to be in the triple digits and still relying on me to be paying all the bills, what did this guy do with his life???
Fundamentally, drinking blood all the time is going to mean that he'd have to be handy with the tic tacs or mouthwash. Real potential issue there. And while we're on the blood, I don't think I'd be into being used as lunch whenever it took his fancy. It's a whole new level of objectification that I wouldn't be comfortable with.
I don't want to sound anti-vampire. I mean I think I could easily be friends with one and I'd support vampire rights like anyone else, but for all those reasons and probably a hundred more I just couldn't pursue a relationship there.
And then it kind of expanded into whether other supernatural beings were "dateable"...
Werewolf
This one was a toughie for me, since there are really no drawbacks in my mind here. I like the outdoors, roughhousing, a certain kind of masculinity, and the hair is just fine thank you very much.
I get on well with animals quite intuitively so I think I'd hit it off with a werewolf.
Mermaid/man (the Splash variety).
With the best intentions in the world, I think this would wind up being a really abusive relationship. I wouldn't be able to resist turning him half fish for a laugh. Then there'd be the sadistic experimentation: drink in the face, water pistol, rain (especially in Edinburgh). Would it work? Why didn't it work?? Since I don't want to be that kind of guy, I don't particularly like swimming in the ocean, and I think he'd reek of fish anyway... mermen get a no.
Zombie ("I walked with a Zombie", not the Romero kind!!)
This ultimately came down to one thing. While it'd be fine to be seen with an undead celebrity like James Dean, there's just no way in hell I could make myself sleep with one. Even if it was.. non penetrative. Urgh! End of.
At work it expanded further into whether you'd date a Pirate (No. Might as well date a fishmunger) or Superhero (No. Couldn't be bothered with the extra security, and I'd be reduced to making cups of tea and clearing up after him and his colleagues).
So there we are. It's perfectly clear. When it comes down to it, I need to be strong and only date werewolves.