(no subject)
Last night I was watching In the Name of the King on SciFi and it was bad. Don't get me wrong, I loved it. But it was bad. And I typed out my whole reaction to it on facebook. under a cut to save your eyes
Sam Corbin Oh. My. God. In the Name of the King has EVERYONE!!!
It took *forever* to get this formatted right. *facepalm*
Sam Corbin Oh. My. God. In the Name of the King has EVERYONE!!!
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Barb Posinger likes this.
Sam Corbin So much yes.
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Sam Corbin Oh, Matthew Lillard. That mustache makes you look 10 years older.
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Joseph Avery Isn't that that one Jason Statham movie? The one like all his other movies, but they replaced his car with a horse. And he DIDN'T NOTICE.
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Sam Corbin But there's magic!
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Sam Corbin And everyone else in the movie universe. Like Ray Liotta.
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Sam Corbin And he's getting it on with Leelee Sobieski
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Sam Corbin There's also Ron Perlman and John Rhys-Davies and Burt Reynolds.
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Joseph Avery Everyone? I don't remember seeing Samuel L Jackson.
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Sam Corbin Cameo
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Sam Corbin And now there's semi-attractive ladies hanging awkwardly from vines.
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Joseph Avery Fair enough. To clarify Jason Statham is amazing and I love all his movies. Including that one.
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Joseph Avery Semiattractive? Shit Sam. When did you get so harsh?
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Sam Corbin I adore him too. And I wouldn't be so harsh if they were better looking. Or maybe they should stop hanging upside down.
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Sam Corbin No, Matthew Lillard! Don't die!
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Sam Corbin Now Burt Reynolds is dead? WHAT"S GOING ON?
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Sam Corbin that guys nose is really pointy. he's dead too.
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Sam Corbin That's why you never fall in love with Ray Liotta, Leelee. It never ends well. For anyone.
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Joseph Avery Hussies best stop hangin' like a fool. Gotta say I am intensely enjoying watching your play by play.
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Sam Corbin I am very much enjoying writing it. =] I never meant to start, this kinda just happened
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Joseph Avery Man. You should watch Revolver. Soon. Jason Statham. Ray Liotta. Together at last. Again.
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Sam Corbin and war machines and orcs. when did LoTR start?
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Sam Corbin revolver you say? is it good?
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Sam Corbin Tyler, about Liotta "He's like a magic kind of Darth Vader."
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Joseph Avery It's a Guy Richie film. Kinda sorta mega weird. It also stars Andre 5000.
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Sam Corbin Leelee, your powers were really Ray Liotta's powers. And I don't trust your hand maiden. She may mean well, but looks like a creeper.
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Joseph Avery Hand maidens are like grand viziers for the wimmins.
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Sam Corbin But she looks like a creeper! She's all, "Imma be nice to you now, but just you wait, chicky. Your time will come..."
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Joseph Avery Lesson learned. Never hire people who give you the willies.
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Sam Corbin Always hire willie-less people!
wait...
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Joseph Avery Well it could be assumed that hand Maidens are lacking...
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Sam Corbin Now he's a prince? That's kinda cool
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Sam Corbin oh no! not tree ninjas!
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Sam Corbin and evil moles...?
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Sam Corbin GROUND ZOMBIES?!!
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Joseph Avery It is a bit crazy.
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Sam Corbin they've also resorted to reusing scenes.
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Joseph Avery Oh yeah! I remembered there was something irredeemably bad about that movie. Bad and funny.
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Sam Corbin *flies through the air to kill the bad guy with a sword!*
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Sam Corbin *runnin on top of peoples heads to get where I gotta be*
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Sam Corbin *punchin the bad guys horse to knock him down...?*
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Joseph Avery That should only work if you are a hulk of the incredible variety.
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Sam Corbin OMG LYEK LET'S GO THRU THE FOREST! *sees hanging body* WAIT,WAT? LET"S GO THIS WAY INSTEAD
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Sam Corbin *angelic music as attractive ladies on vines save the day*
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Sam Corbin Ron Perlman: BRB Breakin out of Mordor!... I mean Ray Liotta's Basement!
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Joseph Avery Attractive ones. Much unlike those other harlots.
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Sam Corbin same girls. they're just prettier when they kick ass
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Sam Corbin "How do you know these things?" "CUZ I'M KING, BITCH!"
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Joseph Avery Because violence is sexy.
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Sam Corbin That's right Matthew Lillard. Drinking before a duel is always a smart thing.
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Sam Corbin But, damn, can the Brian kick ass.
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Sam Corbin "Wait... you mean no one likes me now that I'm king?"
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Joseph Avery THAT NEVER HAPPENS.
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Sam Corbin RAY LIOTTA SMASH!
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Sam Corbin TOTALLY CALLED HER BEING PREGNANT.
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Sam Corbin oh no! Mount Doom is exploding!
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Sam Corbin *Journey to the Center of Mount Doom*
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Sam Corbin MIND-SWORD FIGHT!
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Sam Corbin It's like playing chess. With your mind. With swords.
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Sam Corbin Gimli, NO!
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Sam Corbin Go Leelee! Save him!
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Sam Corbin "Oh snap, now he flies like Superman!"
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Sam Corbin Jason Stathem is a magician?!
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Sam Corbin Don't sit like that, he's going to chop your bits off!
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Sam Corbin "Oh shit, Jason Stathem. You made me bleed my own blood!"
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Sam Corbin *bookstorm*
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Sam Corbin *booknado?*
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Sam Corbin books as shackles? "i guess knowledge really IS power!"
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Sam Corbin Ray Liotta DOWN
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Sam Corbin also, pregnant wife down. But not for good, maybe?
Sam Corbin big kiss, blah blah blah. I love you, blah blah blah
Sam Corbin Of COURSE it's Uwe Boll!
Sam Corbin Dark land gets light
Sam Corbin THE END
Sam Corbin 73 (now74) comments. GO ME!
It took *forever* to get this formatted right. *facepalm*