Heh
Little RUBEN on Math
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a
fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She
calls on little RUBEN. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with
the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4,
but I like your thinking."
Then little RUBEN says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One
is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice
cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,
"Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the
cone." To which Little RUBEN replied, "The correct answer is
'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
LITTLE RUBEN ON MATH
Little RUBEN returns from school and says he got
an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'",
replies RUBEN. "But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE RUBEN ON ENGLISH
Little RUBEN goes to school, and the teacher
says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
RUBEN says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little RUBEN, that's a
mouthful." Little RUBEN says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're
thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE RUBEN ON GRAMMAR
Little RUBEN was sitting in class one day. All
of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out,
"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, "Now, RUBEN, that is NOT
the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want
to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence
correctly, and I will allow you to go." Little RUBEN, thinks for a bit,
and
then says,
"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE RUBEN ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word
"beautiful" in
the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who
responded
with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she
looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."
She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little RUBEN. "Last night at the dinner table, my sister
told
my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just
fucking beautiful!'"
LITTLE RUBEN ON GETTING OLDER
Little RUBEN was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from
him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for
you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat"
Little RUBEN replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little RUBEN answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.