she'll never leave me, believe me no no no no no no
so im not unhappy, no i'm not discontented or sad really. but it has something to do with the gypsy woman on the bus with the long greying hair and the wrinkly green eyes who placed her hand on my abdomen and just watched me. not knowing what to do, no i didn't know what to do, i got off the bus right then and wandered, tears streaming from my wrinkly green eyes, until i could not walk or see anymore and dropped in a meadow surrounded by trees. and it was dark there on the outskirts of the park, but i stayed there, knees in wet grass, in a fetal position until a man in flannel tapped me on my shoulder, handed me a yellow sourgrass flower and walked away. and it has something to do with the old mexican woman in the spirit shop in the mission: "no te preocupe mi hija, la sangre es vida." and my spanish is rusty and my grandfather would call me 'mi hija' but im tired of these mystics, but in love with their kindness.
and it has something to do with how nothing feels as good as that night when the sky was pale green and the stars sparkled brighter than they ever had before and saturn came and kneading skin and the paintings, my god, the paintings. and i just don't know what i'm doing, please tell me, i want to know, i need to know. everything seems so frantic and worrisome, but so slow. but there are things that i love like waiting for the sunset on mexican blankets and the soundtrack to those nights when we sing just to hear our own voices together, and i love this worry for people i love who have lost, and i love that i spend most of my week amongst the books and dust with Sweetness by Yes playing over and over. again because it's all i want to hear. and i love the counting down the days and i love the expensive phone bills.
but i need something. and i've less than $200 to my name and my poor car won't get me as far as i need to go. so what's a girl to do when her dreams involve a place?
and it has something to do with how nothing feels as good as that night when the sky was pale green and the stars sparkled brighter than they ever had before and saturn came and kneading skin and the paintings, my god, the paintings. and i just don't know what i'm doing, please tell me, i want to know, i need to know. everything seems so frantic and worrisome, but so slow. but there are things that i love like waiting for the sunset on mexican blankets and the soundtrack to those nights when we sing just to hear our own voices together, and i love this worry for people i love who have lost, and i love that i spend most of my week amongst the books and dust with Sweetness by Yes playing over and over. again because it's all i want to hear. and i love the counting down the days and i love the expensive phone bills.
but i need something. and i've less than $200 to my name and my poor car won't get me as far as i need to go. so what's a girl to do when her dreams involve a place?