maybe i should make the entries like this private...
[begin rant]
ok, so. according to my dad, i have to earn my friends from him. he's apparently inclined to say "no" when i ask to do something with anyone he doesn't know, so i have to bring anyone i want to be friends with home to meet him. and he says that my smoking makes him want to not let me out of the house. i'm almost 18, life shouldn't be like this. he wants me to live with him for an extended period of time, even after i'm 18, but what he doesn't realize is that behavior like this is going to drive me away. whenever he acts all bothered at me like this, it messes with my head. part of me thinks, "why is he doing this? i haven't done anything wrong!" but the other part of me has this sneaking suspicion that he actually does have reason to be dissapointed with me. therefore, i go back and forth between thinking of all the reasons i suck and thinking of all his shortcomings. basicly, at times like this, my optimism falls away. he acts like i deserve to be yanked away from all the people who care about me, and stuck out here in the middle of nowhere....sometimes i think the same. sometimes, when this negative attitude he has towards me starts to get to me. but he could at least make this whole moving thing a little easier for me, and understand that it's natural for me to want to start hanging out with people again. he gets pissed off at me when i hide inside all the time and sleep all day, and now he's getting pissed off at me for wanting to go out and do things. he was honestly freaking out, and getting all red in the face. just because i asked to go out. it's the fucking summer, stop fucking with my head.
[end rant]
ok, so. according to my dad, i have to earn my friends from him. he's apparently inclined to say "no" when i ask to do something with anyone he doesn't know, so i have to bring anyone i want to be friends with home to meet him. and he says that my smoking makes him want to not let me out of the house. i'm almost 18, life shouldn't be like this. he wants me to live with him for an extended period of time, even after i'm 18, but what he doesn't realize is that behavior like this is going to drive me away. whenever he acts all bothered at me like this, it messes with my head. part of me thinks, "why is he doing this? i haven't done anything wrong!" but the other part of me has this sneaking suspicion that he actually does have reason to be dissapointed with me. therefore, i go back and forth between thinking of all the reasons i suck and thinking of all his shortcomings. basicly, at times like this, my optimism falls away. he acts like i deserve to be yanked away from all the people who care about me, and stuck out here in the middle of nowhere....sometimes i think the same. sometimes, when this negative attitude he has towards me starts to get to me. but he could at least make this whole moving thing a little easier for me, and understand that it's natural for me to want to start hanging out with people again. he gets pissed off at me when i hide inside all the time and sleep all day, and now he's getting pissed off at me for wanting to go out and do things. he was honestly freaking out, and getting all red in the face. just because i asked to go out. it's the fucking summer, stop fucking with my head.
[end rant]