(no subject)
It's funny how the world is still turning. Caught me by surprise, really. I didn't think it still would, you know. I guess I'm not the only one who ever thought that when they were in emotional pain. But if you take it day by day... I have survived another one, so I'm very grateful for that. I guess it's true, what they say, about pain becoming easier to bear with a lot of time. I wouldn't really say that the pain I feel for this stupid business with my little brother has shrunk any, but I guess I'm learning to live with it. I'm still growing. I'm cookie dough- I'm not the finished product yet. There's still time to become a better kind of cookie, so to speak.
It does help knowing a couple of solid facts when my world has always been shaky and uncertain for the most part. The first is that Mattie is in a good home with Uncle Yohann and Aunt Maria. They got custody today. Legally, he can't ever be made to go back to living with dad and his mom, ever. And that's a comfort. It's more than I could have hoped for. He's free. He'll never get hurt by them, not ever again.
(Speaking of parents, I haven't heard from dad since I left home that scary night at TK's house. Not that I expected to keep in touch, but... y'know... whatever my dad is, it doesn't stop me completely from feeling for him. The pain of losing his children both at once. And I hope Rose doesn't take it out on him. She doesn't have anyone smaller to hit any more. *worries* Hopefully she'll slip one day, just enough for dad to realize what he somehow couldn't see while I was there... I didn't say it was much of a hope. Just that It's my hope. I wonder how the police are handling the reports of abuse I made against her...)
The second of solid facts I've got to take shelter in is named Desmond. Also known as my boyfriend. Things are on the up and up with him. It's been really, really good. Even for me, because I don't think I can have a totally normal relationship. Because of me, not him. But... y'know- there are times where we miss each other. And it gets uncomfortable, because... *sheepish* ... I guess I've never had a relationship this... well, quite like this before. Not one where the guy is healthier, more put together than I am, and not into stupid crap like drugs, or beer, or sex under the influence of one or the other. Not that I'm not grateful for the good parts of relationships I've had before, for experience and good times, but... y'know, as much as I have awkward times with trying to figure out what Desmond is thinking, he's really something special. And I wouldn't trade our relationship for anything. It's so the best part of my life right now.