{Fanfic} It's Not Me, It's You (6b/?)
{Part 1}
Natalya Arlovskaya was unhappy. This was a common emotion for her, but at that particular moment, she felt especially displeased. Her brother's unrelenting infatuation with his former secretary was the only reason he had chosen this venue for their sister's bachelorette party. Why such an occasion was even necessary-a bachelorette party-Natalya didn't know. She glanced around the table slowly, frowning at the mindless girls who her sister was silly enough to consider friends as they giggled loudly and picked at their food-all on some diet or the other- and talked about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they had wasted on clothes and vacations. If Natalya ever married-and there was only one man on earth she desired enough to wed-a bachelorette party would be the first thing she would say that she didn't need. The only reason she was there that night was because her brother had pleaded with her to attend and she could never resist Ivan anything, especially when he begged. Now, not only did she have to deal with ten irritating women, but there was also the issue of the man she had encountered by the restroom. Toris had promised that neither he nor his companion would disturb the party but she didn't trust Toris's judgment; he had already proven himself a fool by quitting a job that was coveted by countless people across the world, herself included. Natalya felt a spike of anger as she remembered how casually and inappropriately the man had spoken to her. He was a troublemaker, no doubt, and she would rip out every strand of that white hair of his if he even dared look at her again or do anything to ruin the night.
"Natalya! Nats!" said a shrill voice in her ear.
Natalya suppressed the urge to scream. She had already said multiple times that she disliked being calls 'Nats'. She was a person, not a bug, and they should refer to her by her given name. She turned, glaring, to the woman who had called her.
The woman paled slightly when those dark eyes focused on her but then she put on her best smiled and said, "The girls and I have been talking and we've realized that there are no strippers at this party. You can't have a bachelorette party without male strippers."
"I don't know the types of parties you attend but there will be no strippers at this one," Natalya said firmly.
The woman dared to speak up again. "But we're bored and there's nothing to do here. Katyusha wants them too."
Natalya glanced at her sister, who was shifting nervously in her chair. "Is this true? You want male strippers here?" she asked bluntly.
Katyusha's cheeks reddened. "Well, I, it was just a suggestion and I thought, perhaps, maybe, it would be, uh, nice to have them," she said softly.
"Our brother would never approve," Natalya said. "For you to even suggest it is ridiculous."
Katyusha blushed even harder. "I was, uh, thinking that we wouldn't tell him."
"You want me to lie?" Natalya asked surprised. Toris asking her to lie was one thing, but now her sister? She had a strange feeling that this night was going to end in brilliant chaos and who was she to stop that?
Tears appeared in the corners of Katyusha's eyes. "I-I know it sounds terrible and I hate doing it but you know how Ivan would get if he knew. It's just a little bit of fun."
"Yeah Nats, a bit of fun," the woman from before said.
Natalya gave her her deadliest look and the woman sunk back into her seat.
"And who is going to pay for this entertainment?" she asked.
"I'll take care of it," another woman said from down the table. "My father just added more money to my bank account. I'm set for the next six weeks."
"Do, do you have a place in mind?" Katyusha asked shyly.
The woman nodded and pulled out her cellphone. "My cousin got married last week and her bachelorette party was ah-mazing. She gave me the number for the place she used. I'll call them now."
But when the woman dialed the number, she was informed that all the services were booked for the night and would not be available for at least 48 hours. An offering of more money was only able to bring that down to 24 hours.
"Well that was a dead end," the woman said as she dropped the phone into her purse. "And I don't know anywhere else."
None of the other women knew of any such establishments either.
Katyusha visibly deflated in her seat. "And, and I was really looking forward to them," she said.
Natalya guessed that peer pressure was more the reason for her eagerness but said nothing. Her sister was getting married and was going to be 30 in a few months. It was about time that she started standing up for herself and stop crying. Unfortunately, when her sister was upset, her brother was as well and Natalya hated when her brother was upset.
"I think I know where you can find your entertainment and for free too," she said.
"Really Natalya? You do?" Katyusha asked, sitting up in her seat.
Natalya nodded and said, "And the best part is that they're already here."
.
.
.
Francis knew something was wrong immediately when both Toris and Feliks came around the corner, although the looks on their faces would have been enough to let someone know that they were about to receive some very bad news.
"We need your help," Toris said, looking at the floor.
"More like your bodies," Feliks said.
Francis stared at him.
"Are you proposing a foursome?" Gilbert asked. The beer bottle in front of him was only half empty so alcohol could not be blamed for the stupidity of his question.
"What? Like, no way," Feliks said. "We don't want your bodies, the girls do."
Francis narrowed his eyes. "What girls?"
"The ones here for the bachelorette party," Toris said quietly. "They've…they've requested that you…play the part of male strippers."
Francis's jaw dropped. Even Gilbert looked shocked.
"You're kidding, right?" Francis asked even though he could see the seriousness on their faces.
"I'm so sorry Francis," Toris said.
"Isn't there anything you can do?" Francis asked, beginning to feel irritated.
"When Ivan paid he said explicitly that anything his sister wanted she was to be given and if he found out that she was unhappy, it would make him unhappy," Toris said.
"Which basically means he'll torture us, kills us and then burn down the restaurant with our bodies inside," Feliks said.
Francis stood up from the table. "This is absurd," he said. "I'm going to go talk to these people."
Toris paled. "That's not a good idea. You don't want to make Natalya angry."
"You might want to listen to him Francis," Gilbert said. "That girl is scary."
"I don't care if she's the grim reaper. I don't strip for just anyone." Francis pushed past Toris and Feliks and strode towards the center of the restaurant. They both followed him with Gilbert bringing up the rear.
A collective giggle rose up from the table when the women saw him. One even whistled. A woman with long blond hair stood up from the table and walked towards him slowly. He assumed this was Natalya.
"They've been waiting for you," she said. "You still need get dressed though."
"More like undressed!" one woman yelled. There was more giggling.
"Actually, I just came out here to tell you that neither I nor my companion will be taking our clothes off for you ladies tonight. Find yourselves some professionals," Francis said.
"We aren't asking for your services. We're demanding them. You have no choice in this matter," Natalya said.
Francis drew himself up to full height. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.
Natalya didn't even blink. "No and I don't care. Now, if you don't do everything my sister asks, I will have you castrated."
"Oh Natalya, don't be so mean!" A woman with the largest breasts Francis had ever seen stood up from the table. As she walked over to them, everything bounced and he found that he couldn't tear his eyes away.
"Hello, I'm Katyusha Braginski and I'm the one getting married. I'm sure neither of you were expecting this and I'm so sorry for putting you in such a position but my friends and I would very much enjoy having you, well, entertain us," she said sweetly. "Please?"
"I'm in," Gilbert said.
"Wait, so what do we get out of this?" Francis asked, tearing his eyes away from Katyusha's chest to face Natalya.
"You get to stay a man," she said. She nodded at Toris and Feliks. "And these two idiots won't have their restaurant burned down."
"I knew it," Feliks whispered.
Francis glanced at Gilbert. He was still staring at Katyusha. Francis reached over to pinch his arm.
"What was that for?" Gilbert whined, rubbing his arm for the second time that night.
"What's your decision?" Francis asked.
"I already said that I'm in. This actually sounds like fun."
"Yes, fun," Francis said dryly. He turned back to Natalya. "Fine, we'll do it."
"Good," she said unsmilingly. She went over the table and came back with a pile of clothes in her arms. "These are your costumes." She shoved them at Francis. "Go change."
The 'costumes' turned out to be nothing more than a black apron, a shirt collar and white cuffs.
"Whoa, you guys are, like, the sexiest waiters I've ever seen," Feliks said snickering when they stepped out of the bathroom.
"Why can't you two be the ones doing this?" Francis hissed, struggling to cover his exposed backside. He didn't normally have a problem with nudity but only when it was on his terms and he wasn't being threatened.
"They said we weren't, like, hot enough," Feliks said. "Which is totally untrue. I think you're hot Toris."
"Uh, thanks Feliks," Toris said before he turned to Francis. "I'm really sorry for this again. The party is only supposed to go until 11 so if you can just last a few hours that would be great."
"A few hours? I can go all night long," Gilbert said grinning.
Francis was tempted to hit him. Instead he sighed and said, "Let's just get this over with."
They were welcomed back at the table with hoots and whistles.
Gilbert rubbed his hands together. "So who's first?" he asked.
Nine hands shot into the air. Natalya stood off to the side, watching the events with a bored look. Katyusha squirmed in her seat, her face bright red.
"I'll call the bride-to-be," Francis said.
"That's not fair!" Gilbert protested.
"As if I care. Don't forget, you still work for me. Now go make one of these other ladies happy," Francis said before walking off.
"Nice ass," Gilbert called after him.
Francis turned around and winked. Gilbert grinned and then strolled over to where Natalya was standing.
"I think I've found my first customer," he said.
She gave him a blank look. "I would keep moving if I were you," she said.
"No need to be so cold. Eventually everyone says yes to the awesome me."
"You have three seconds to walk away."
"I love when they play hard to get."
"Three…two…one. Times up."
Natalya reached down to grab Gilbert through the apron. He grunted as her hand squeezed him painfully.
"I told you to keep moving," she hissed. Her grip tightened and Gilbert bit his lip so as not to cry out. "So keep moving or I will rip off your testicles and shove them down your esophagus. Are we clear? I said, are we clear?"
Gilbert whimpered and nodded quickly.
"Good," Natalya said. She released him and he nearly fell backwards. "Get out of my sight."
"What happened to you?" Francis asked when Gilbert walked past him, his face bright red. Francis was currently straddling the blushing bride-to-be and only barely resisting grabbing her ample chest.
"Don't ask," Gilbert said weakly before he hobbled down the table.
"Uh, sure," Francis said. He then turned to the woman in front of him and asked in his most seductive voice, "So tell me, what's the name of your darling fiancée?"
"E-Eduard," she squeaked.
"Well, tonight I want you to forget all about Eduard. It's just you-" he reached up to touch her lips with his index finger "-and me." He brought the finger to his mouth and kissed it. With his other hand he brushed his thumb against the underside of her breasts and she shivered beneath him. "And I think we're going to have a fun time."
"I-I had n-no clue it was going to be like this."
Francis smirked. "None of us ever do," he said.
At that moment Gilbert jumped up onto the table.
"I just can't choose which of you ladies to attend to first," he said. "I think I'll let you decide amongst yourselves." He spread out his arms and yelled, "Who wants me?"
"I do!" one woman shrieked.
"No, me!"
"I saw him first!"
"Pick me! Pick me!"
"I'll give you $100 and take you home with me!"
"I'll give you $200 and take you home with me!"
"$500!"
"$1000!"
Gilbert stood there grinning as the woman called out their rising offers.
"$5000! I have a twin!"
"$6000 and I'll make you breakfast in bed!"
"$10,000 and I've been told that I give the best blowjobs this side of Lake Michigan!"
Francis almost burst out laughing. Gilbert knew how to sell himself, that was for sure, but he hoped that these women knew that he was the only one Gilbert would be going home with that night.
"Wow, your offers are all very tempting but I just can't make up my mind and this apron is getting awfully hot," Gilbert said, teasing the tie at the back of the apron.
"$20,000 and you can have my dad's Mercedes!"
"What's going on in here?"
Everything suddenly went quiet and they all turned to see a tall man in a long dark coat standing at the front of the room. He was accompanied by five muscular men, all similarly dressed. The man who had spoken had a smile on his face but seemed anything but pleased.
"I hate my life," Toris moaned from the corner.
"I-Ivan!" Katyusha gasped. She rocketed out of her seat, sending Francis to the floor. "O-Oh no! This, this isn't what it looks like!"
"I know exactly what this is my dear sister," Ivan Braginski said. "And I'm very disappointed that you would engage in such lewd activities. You, on the table, get down. Now."
Gilbert jumped down to the floor and scrambled to stand next to Francis.
"I came here expecting to find my sisters and their friends enjoying a quiet dinner and I am very upset with what I've just witnessed," Ivan continued. "Where is Natalya?"
"I'm here, brother," Natalya said, stepping to the front of the table. Her voice was suddenly sweet and loving.
"It was your job to make sure that nothing got out of hand," Ivan said.
"Oh, I did my best but they all wanted this and I'm only one person," she said. "You know I would never want to let you down but once it started I couldn't stop it."
"It's not Natalya's fault," Katyusha said. She was on the verge of tears. "It, it was my suggestion. I, I thought it would be…fun. P-Please don't be angry Ivan."
"I'm not angry," Ivan said, still smiling. "And I know neither of you is to blame."
Natalya rushed up to him and he flinched as she reached out to grab his hand.
"Thank you, my darling brother. You are too kind," she said.
"T-Thank you Natalya, but something still needs to be done about this," Ivan said. He pointed to Francis and Gilbert. "Kill those two."
Francis wondered if he had heard right. Next to him he heard Gilbert whimper. The men who had come with Ivan began walking towards them.
"No! Please don't hurt them Ivan!" Katyusha said, her eyes bright with tears. "Please!"
"They disrespected you Katyusha and I will have them punished for it."
"No! It wasn't their fault! Please just let them go! Please!"
Toris stepped forward. "No one is going to lay a hand on Francis or Gilbert," he said loudly and firmly. There was a stark contrast between his previous look of terror and the angry glare he wore now.
"I, like, totally second what he said," Feliks said. "But I'm still going to stand back here."
Ivan smiled wider. "You're so cute when you're all determined like that Toris. Now step aside."
"No," Toris said. "This is Feliks's restaurant and you have no right to come in here and threaten our customers."
"Actually, until 11, this is my restaurant," Ivan said.
"You want your money back? You can have it. Just leave us alone."
"I like this side of you Toris. It's a shame you didn't show it more when you were working for me."
"I regret every day that I worked for you, but I'll come back if you promise not to hurt my friends."
Feliks gasped. "Omg Toris, what are you saying? Are you serious?"
Natalya looked furious. Ivan was visibly delighted.
"Really? You'll come back and be my secretary?" he asked gleefully.
"Only on the weekends and only if you promise not to hurt Francis or Gilbert."
"Toris, this is completely insane," Feliks said.
"I'm doing what I have to," Toris replied.
"I won't have my men kill your friends if you work for me three days a week plus weekends," Ivan said.
"Two days a week plus weekends and you've got a deal."
"Deal," Ivan said. He turned to his men. "Now escort these two outside."
"You didn't have to do that Toris," Francis said, although the relief in his voice was clear.
Toris gave him a small smile. "Actually, I did. If you can ever forgive me for what happened tonight I will be forever grateful," he said.
"I already have," Francis said. "I swear I'm dedicating my next book to you."
Toris laughed. "Thank you."
"We will show you out," grunted one of Ivan's men.
Francis gave him a wary look.
"Don't worry," Toris said reassuringly. "If there's one thing I know about Ivan is that he keeps his promises." He leaned in to whisper in Francis's ear. "But please call me tomorrow morning. I won't be able to relax until you do."
The man nudged Francis and Gilbert towards the door.
"I will definitely not be telling Lizzy about this Francis," Feliks said behind them.
They walked past Natalya who gave them a mocking scowl and Katyusha who gave them a teary smile. Ivan didn't even look at them.
"Wait, what about our clothes?" Gilbert asked.
"Shut up," Francis hissed. "We'll get them tomorrow." He smiled up at the man walking behind him. "Would you be kind enough to call us a car?"
"Of course," the man said. He turned to one of his associates. "Call a car for these two."
The other man pulled out his cellphone and promptly called for a taxi.
"Thank you very much," Francis said as they stepped outside. "You can go now. We'll just wait here."
One of the men moved to stand by the door of the restaurant. The others formed a tight circle around him and Gilbert.
"Although we've been asked not to kill you, we've been instructed by Mr. Braginski to give you his gratitude," one of the men said.
"Fuck," Gilbert whispered.
"Is, is this really necessary?" Francis asked quickly.
"Yes."
Someone cracked their knuckles.
"And there's nothing we can do to persuade you not to do this?"
"No."
"O-Okay," Francis said. "Please just not my face."
.
.
.
Francis winced as he set the icepack on his nose. Next to him, Gilbert was spitting into a cup, still trying to clear the blood from his mouth.
"Can't you do that in the bathroom?" Francis asked.
"No."
Francis sighed and leaned back against the couch. It was miracle that they had made it back to his apartment, although his reputation was most likely forever ruined. They had had to walk through a lobby full of people bruised and bloody, wearing only their 'costumes'. Elizabeta was going to be very happy in the morning.
"How's your finger?" he asked.
"I think it's broken," Gilbert muttered.
"I told you not to fight back."
"Just don't talk to me. I want to forget that this fucking night ever happened."
Francis nodded then regretted doing so as pain shot through his neck.
"I can't believe the one night I try and do something nice, I get the shit beaten out of me," he said.
"I appreciate the gesture," Gilbert said, "but next time, let's just go to Antonio's."
"Fine by me. Do you think I'm going to need stitches on my forehead?"
Gilbert leaned over, wincing, to examining the cut. It was crusted with dried blood but didn't look like anything a Band-Aid wouldn't fix.
"Nope, you'll be fine. Want me to help you take care of it?"
"If you would be so kind."
After the cut had been cleaned and disinfected, Gilbert smacked a Band-Aid on it-causing Francis to groan in pain-and then leaned in to place a kiss on the spot.
"There. Feel better?" he asked.
Francis gestured that he should come closer and then he kissed him on the mouth, gentle enough so that neither of them felt discomfort from their injuries.
"I do now," Francis said. "Now help me to bed."
"Is that an invitation?" Gilbert asked, pulling him to his feet.
"Are you serious? 95% of my body is covered in bruises. I can barely lift my head. And you have a broken finger."
"I'll take a rain check then."
Francis smirked as they limped slowly down the hallway together. "You do that."
Natalya Arlovskaya was unhappy. This was a common emotion for her, but at that particular moment, she felt especially displeased. Her brother's unrelenting infatuation with his former secretary was the only reason he had chosen this venue for their sister's bachelorette party. Why such an occasion was even necessary-a bachelorette party-Natalya didn't know. She glanced around the table slowly, frowning at the mindless girls who her sister was silly enough to consider friends as they giggled loudly and picked at their food-all on some diet or the other- and talked about the hundreds of thousands of dollars they had wasted on clothes and vacations. If Natalya ever married-and there was only one man on earth she desired enough to wed-a bachelorette party would be the first thing she would say that she didn't need. The only reason she was there that night was because her brother had pleaded with her to attend and she could never resist Ivan anything, especially when he begged. Now, not only did she have to deal with ten irritating women, but there was also the issue of the man she had encountered by the restroom. Toris had promised that neither he nor his companion would disturb the party but she didn't trust Toris's judgment; he had already proven himself a fool by quitting a job that was coveted by countless people across the world, herself included. Natalya felt a spike of anger as she remembered how casually and inappropriately the man had spoken to her. He was a troublemaker, no doubt, and she would rip out every strand of that white hair of his if he even dared look at her again or do anything to ruin the night.
"Natalya! Nats!" said a shrill voice in her ear.
Natalya suppressed the urge to scream. She had already said multiple times that she disliked being calls 'Nats'. She was a person, not a bug, and they should refer to her by her given name. She turned, glaring, to the woman who had called her.
The woman paled slightly when those dark eyes focused on her but then she put on her best smiled and said, "The girls and I have been talking and we've realized that there are no strippers at this party. You can't have a bachelorette party without male strippers."
"I don't know the types of parties you attend but there will be no strippers at this one," Natalya said firmly.
The woman dared to speak up again. "But we're bored and there's nothing to do here. Katyusha wants them too."
Natalya glanced at her sister, who was shifting nervously in her chair. "Is this true? You want male strippers here?" she asked bluntly.
Katyusha's cheeks reddened. "Well, I, it was just a suggestion and I thought, perhaps, maybe, it would be, uh, nice to have them," she said softly.
"Our brother would never approve," Natalya said. "For you to even suggest it is ridiculous."
Katyusha blushed even harder. "I was, uh, thinking that we wouldn't tell him."
"You want me to lie?" Natalya asked surprised. Toris asking her to lie was one thing, but now her sister? She had a strange feeling that this night was going to end in brilliant chaos and who was she to stop that?
Tears appeared in the corners of Katyusha's eyes. "I-I know it sounds terrible and I hate doing it but you know how Ivan would get if he knew. It's just a little bit of fun."
"Yeah Nats, a bit of fun," the woman from before said.
Natalya gave her her deadliest look and the woman sunk back into her seat.
"And who is going to pay for this entertainment?" she asked.
"I'll take care of it," another woman said from down the table. "My father just added more money to my bank account. I'm set for the next six weeks."
"Do, do you have a place in mind?" Katyusha asked shyly.
The woman nodded and pulled out her cellphone. "My cousin got married last week and her bachelorette party was ah-mazing. She gave me the number for the place she used. I'll call them now."
But when the woman dialed the number, she was informed that all the services were booked for the night and would not be available for at least 48 hours. An offering of more money was only able to bring that down to 24 hours.
"Well that was a dead end," the woman said as she dropped the phone into her purse. "And I don't know anywhere else."
None of the other women knew of any such establishments either.
Katyusha visibly deflated in her seat. "And, and I was really looking forward to them," she said.
Natalya guessed that peer pressure was more the reason for her eagerness but said nothing. Her sister was getting married and was going to be 30 in a few months. It was about time that she started standing up for herself and stop crying. Unfortunately, when her sister was upset, her brother was as well and Natalya hated when her brother was upset.
"I think I know where you can find your entertainment and for free too," she said.
"Really Natalya? You do?" Katyusha asked, sitting up in her seat.
Natalya nodded and said, "And the best part is that they're already here."
.
.
.
Francis knew something was wrong immediately when both Toris and Feliks came around the corner, although the looks on their faces would have been enough to let someone know that they were about to receive some very bad news.
"We need your help," Toris said, looking at the floor.
"More like your bodies," Feliks said.
Francis stared at him.
"Are you proposing a foursome?" Gilbert asked. The beer bottle in front of him was only half empty so alcohol could not be blamed for the stupidity of his question.
"What? Like, no way," Feliks said. "We don't want your bodies, the girls do."
Francis narrowed his eyes. "What girls?"
"The ones here for the bachelorette party," Toris said quietly. "They've…they've requested that you…play the part of male strippers."
Francis's jaw dropped. Even Gilbert looked shocked.
"You're kidding, right?" Francis asked even though he could see the seriousness on their faces.
"I'm so sorry Francis," Toris said.
"Isn't there anything you can do?" Francis asked, beginning to feel irritated.
"When Ivan paid he said explicitly that anything his sister wanted she was to be given and if he found out that she was unhappy, it would make him unhappy," Toris said.
"Which basically means he'll torture us, kills us and then burn down the restaurant with our bodies inside," Feliks said.
Francis stood up from the table. "This is absurd," he said. "I'm going to go talk to these people."
Toris paled. "That's not a good idea. You don't want to make Natalya angry."
"You might want to listen to him Francis," Gilbert said. "That girl is scary."
"I don't care if she's the grim reaper. I don't strip for just anyone." Francis pushed past Toris and Feliks and strode towards the center of the restaurant. They both followed him with Gilbert bringing up the rear.
A collective giggle rose up from the table when the women saw him. One even whistled. A woman with long blond hair stood up from the table and walked towards him slowly. He assumed this was Natalya.
"They've been waiting for you," she said. "You still need get dressed though."
"More like undressed!" one woman yelled. There was more giggling.
"Actually, I just came out here to tell you that neither I nor my companion will be taking our clothes off for you ladies tonight. Find yourselves some professionals," Francis said.
"We aren't asking for your services. We're demanding them. You have no choice in this matter," Natalya said.
Francis drew himself up to full height. "Do you know who I am?" he asked.
Natalya didn't even blink. "No and I don't care. Now, if you don't do everything my sister asks, I will have you castrated."
"Oh Natalya, don't be so mean!" A woman with the largest breasts Francis had ever seen stood up from the table. As she walked over to them, everything bounced and he found that he couldn't tear his eyes away.
"Hello, I'm Katyusha Braginski and I'm the one getting married. I'm sure neither of you were expecting this and I'm so sorry for putting you in such a position but my friends and I would very much enjoy having you, well, entertain us," she said sweetly. "Please?"
"I'm in," Gilbert said.
"Wait, so what do we get out of this?" Francis asked, tearing his eyes away from Katyusha's chest to face Natalya.
"You get to stay a man," she said. She nodded at Toris and Feliks. "And these two idiots won't have their restaurant burned down."
"I knew it," Feliks whispered.
Francis glanced at Gilbert. He was still staring at Katyusha. Francis reached over to pinch his arm.
"What was that for?" Gilbert whined, rubbing his arm for the second time that night.
"What's your decision?" Francis asked.
"I already said that I'm in. This actually sounds like fun."
"Yes, fun," Francis said dryly. He turned back to Natalya. "Fine, we'll do it."
"Good," she said unsmilingly. She went over the table and came back with a pile of clothes in her arms. "These are your costumes." She shoved them at Francis. "Go change."
The 'costumes' turned out to be nothing more than a black apron, a shirt collar and white cuffs.
"Whoa, you guys are, like, the sexiest waiters I've ever seen," Feliks said snickering when they stepped out of the bathroom.
"Why can't you two be the ones doing this?" Francis hissed, struggling to cover his exposed backside. He didn't normally have a problem with nudity but only when it was on his terms and he wasn't being threatened.
"They said we weren't, like, hot enough," Feliks said. "Which is totally untrue. I think you're hot Toris."
"Uh, thanks Feliks," Toris said before he turned to Francis. "I'm really sorry for this again. The party is only supposed to go until 11 so if you can just last a few hours that would be great."
"A few hours? I can go all night long," Gilbert said grinning.
Francis was tempted to hit him. Instead he sighed and said, "Let's just get this over with."
They were welcomed back at the table with hoots and whistles.
Gilbert rubbed his hands together. "So who's first?" he asked.
Nine hands shot into the air. Natalya stood off to the side, watching the events with a bored look. Katyusha squirmed in her seat, her face bright red.
"I'll call the bride-to-be," Francis said.
"That's not fair!" Gilbert protested.
"As if I care. Don't forget, you still work for me. Now go make one of these other ladies happy," Francis said before walking off.
"Nice ass," Gilbert called after him.
Francis turned around and winked. Gilbert grinned and then strolled over to where Natalya was standing.
"I think I've found my first customer," he said.
She gave him a blank look. "I would keep moving if I were you," she said.
"No need to be so cold. Eventually everyone says yes to the awesome me."
"You have three seconds to walk away."
"I love when they play hard to get."
"Three…two…one. Times up."
Natalya reached down to grab Gilbert through the apron. He grunted as her hand squeezed him painfully.
"I told you to keep moving," she hissed. Her grip tightened and Gilbert bit his lip so as not to cry out. "So keep moving or I will rip off your testicles and shove them down your esophagus. Are we clear? I said, are we clear?"
Gilbert whimpered and nodded quickly.
"Good," Natalya said. She released him and he nearly fell backwards. "Get out of my sight."
"What happened to you?" Francis asked when Gilbert walked past him, his face bright red. Francis was currently straddling the blushing bride-to-be and only barely resisting grabbing her ample chest.
"Don't ask," Gilbert said weakly before he hobbled down the table.
"Uh, sure," Francis said. He then turned to the woman in front of him and asked in his most seductive voice, "So tell me, what's the name of your darling fiancée?"
"E-Eduard," she squeaked.
"Well, tonight I want you to forget all about Eduard. It's just you-" he reached up to touch her lips with his index finger "-and me." He brought the finger to his mouth and kissed it. With his other hand he brushed his thumb against the underside of her breasts and she shivered beneath him. "And I think we're going to have a fun time."
"I-I had n-no clue it was going to be like this."
Francis smirked. "None of us ever do," he said.
At that moment Gilbert jumped up onto the table.
"I just can't choose which of you ladies to attend to first," he said. "I think I'll let you decide amongst yourselves." He spread out his arms and yelled, "Who wants me?"
"I do!" one woman shrieked.
"No, me!"
"I saw him first!"
"Pick me! Pick me!"
"I'll give you $100 and take you home with me!"
"I'll give you $200 and take you home with me!"
"$500!"
"$1000!"
Gilbert stood there grinning as the woman called out their rising offers.
"$5000! I have a twin!"
"$6000 and I'll make you breakfast in bed!"
"$10,000 and I've been told that I give the best blowjobs this side of Lake Michigan!"
Francis almost burst out laughing. Gilbert knew how to sell himself, that was for sure, but he hoped that these women knew that he was the only one Gilbert would be going home with that night.
"Wow, your offers are all very tempting but I just can't make up my mind and this apron is getting awfully hot," Gilbert said, teasing the tie at the back of the apron.
"$20,000 and you can have my dad's Mercedes!"
"What's going on in here?"
Everything suddenly went quiet and they all turned to see a tall man in a long dark coat standing at the front of the room. He was accompanied by five muscular men, all similarly dressed. The man who had spoken had a smile on his face but seemed anything but pleased.
"I hate my life," Toris moaned from the corner.
"I-Ivan!" Katyusha gasped. She rocketed out of her seat, sending Francis to the floor. "O-Oh no! This, this isn't what it looks like!"
"I know exactly what this is my dear sister," Ivan Braginski said. "And I'm very disappointed that you would engage in such lewd activities. You, on the table, get down. Now."
Gilbert jumped down to the floor and scrambled to stand next to Francis.
"I came here expecting to find my sisters and their friends enjoying a quiet dinner and I am very upset with what I've just witnessed," Ivan continued. "Where is Natalya?"
"I'm here, brother," Natalya said, stepping to the front of the table. Her voice was suddenly sweet and loving.
"It was your job to make sure that nothing got out of hand," Ivan said.
"Oh, I did my best but they all wanted this and I'm only one person," she said. "You know I would never want to let you down but once it started I couldn't stop it."
"It's not Natalya's fault," Katyusha said. She was on the verge of tears. "It, it was my suggestion. I, I thought it would be…fun. P-Please don't be angry Ivan."
"I'm not angry," Ivan said, still smiling. "And I know neither of you is to blame."
Natalya rushed up to him and he flinched as she reached out to grab his hand.
"Thank you, my darling brother. You are too kind," she said.
"T-Thank you Natalya, but something still needs to be done about this," Ivan said. He pointed to Francis and Gilbert. "Kill those two."
Francis wondered if he had heard right. Next to him he heard Gilbert whimper. The men who had come with Ivan began walking towards them.
"No! Please don't hurt them Ivan!" Katyusha said, her eyes bright with tears. "Please!"
"They disrespected you Katyusha and I will have them punished for it."
"No! It wasn't their fault! Please just let them go! Please!"
Toris stepped forward. "No one is going to lay a hand on Francis or Gilbert," he said loudly and firmly. There was a stark contrast between his previous look of terror and the angry glare he wore now.
"I, like, totally second what he said," Feliks said. "But I'm still going to stand back here."
Ivan smiled wider. "You're so cute when you're all determined like that Toris. Now step aside."
"No," Toris said. "This is Feliks's restaurant and you have no right to come in here and threaten our customers."
"Actually, until 11, this is my restaurant," Ivan said.
"You want your money back? You can have it. Just leave us alone."
"I like this side of you Toris. It's a shame you didn't show it more when you were working for me."
"I regret every day that I worked for you, but I'll come back if you promise not to hurt my friends."
Feliks gasped. "Omg Toris, what are you saying? Are you serious?"
Natalya looked furious. Ivan was visibly delighted.
"Really? You'll come back and be my secretary?" he asked gleefully.
"Only on the weekends and only if you promise not to hurt Francis or Gilbert."
"Toris, this is completely insane," Feliks said.
"I'm doing what I have to," Toris replied.
"I won't have my men kill your friends if you work for me three days a week plus weekends," Ivan said.
"Two days a week plus weekends and you've got a deal."
"Deal," Ivan said. He turned to his men. "Now escort these two outside."
"You didn't have to do that Toris," Francis said, although the relief in his voice was clear.
Toris gave him a small smile. "Actually, I did. If you can ever forgive me for what happened tonight I will be forever grateful," he said.
"I already have," Francis said. "I swear I'm dedicating my next book to you."
Toris laughed. "Thank you."
"We will show you out," grunted one of Ivan's men.
Francis gave him a wary look.
"Don't worry," Toris said reassuringly. "If there's one thing I know about Ivan is that he keeps his promises." He leaned in to whisper in Francis's ear. "But please call me tomorrow morning. I won't be able to relax until you do."
The man nudged Francis and Gilbert towards the door.
"I will definitely not be telling Lizzy about this Francis," Feliks said behind them.
They walked past Natalya who gave them a mocking scowl and Katyusha who gave them a teary smile. Ivan didn't even look at them.
"Wait, what about our clothes?" Gilbert asked.
"Shut up," Francis hissed. "We'll get them tomorrow." He smiled up at the man walking behind him. "Would you be kind enough to call us a car?"
"Of course," the man said. He turned to one of his associates. "Call a car for these two."
The other man pulled out his cellphone and promptly called for a taxi.
"Thank you very much," Francis said as they stepped outside. "You can go now. We'll just wait here."
One of the men moved to stand by the door of the restaurant. The others formed a tight circle around him and Gilbert.
"Although we've been asked not to kill you, we've been instructed by Mr. Braginski to give you his gratitude," one of the men said.
"Fuck," Gilbert whispered.
"Is, is this really necessary?" Francis asked quickly.
"Yes."
Someone cracked their knuckles.
"And there's nothing we can do to persuade you not to do this?"
"No."
"O-Okay," Francis said. "Please just not my face."
.
.
.
Francis winced as he set the icepack on his nose. Next to him, Gilbert was spitting into a cup, still trying to clear the blood from his mouth.
"Can't you do that in the bathroom?" Francis asked.
"No."
Francis sighed and leaned back against the couch. It was miracle that they had made it back to his apartment, although his reputation was most likely forever ruined. They had had to walk through a lobby full of people bruised and bloody, wearing only their 'costumes'. Elizabeta was going to be very happy in the morning.
"How's your finger?" he asked.
"I think it's broken," Gilbert muttered.
"I told you not to fight back."
"Just don't talk to me. I want to forget that this fucking night ever happened."
Francis nodded then regretted doing so as pain shot through his neck.
"I can't believe the one night I try and do something nice, I get the shit beaten out of me," he said.
"I appreciate the gesture," Gilbert said, "but next time, let's just go to Antonio's."
"Fine by me. Do you think I'm going to need stitches on my forehead?"
Gilbert leaned over, wincing, to examining the cut. It was crusted with dried blood but didn't look like anything a Band-Aid wouldn't fix.
"Nope, you'll be fine. Want me to help you take care of it?"
"If you would be so kind."
After the cut had been cleaned and disinfected, Gilbert smacked a Band-Aid on it-causing Francis to groan in pain-and then leaned in to place a kiss on the spot.
"There. Feel better?" he asked.
Francis gestured that he should come closer and then he kissed him on the mouth, gentle enough so that neither of them felt discomfort from their injuries.
"I do now," Francis said. "Now help me to bed."
"Is that an invitation?" Gilbert asked, pulling him to his feet.
"Are you serious? 95% of my body is covered in bruises. I can barely lift my head. And you have a broken finger."
"I'll take a rain check then."
Francis smirked as they limped slowly down the hallway together. "You do that."