(no subject)
I'm angry. Anger always comes from an ideal in conflict with the real. My ideal is that I have plenty of time to meditate, study and practice. The real is that I am doing lots and lots of work.
What am I angry with? Myself for getting me in this position and the ashram as a whole for allowing me to get into this situation.
The ashrams goal is to serve, love, give, purify, meditate, realize. Are the methods in alignment with the end goal? What are the methods? Work, don't think, avoid conflict, everyone should do everything together, want to do anything you are asked.
When I said working on the computer thing makes me feel uncomfortable, he asked me to continue until I could express myself. Discomfort until the expression is forced out?
To me, it appears that the ashram is a place of asceticism. It's encouraged. What is the value of ascetecism? When is it proper to say "I want"?
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The perfect business destroys itself naturally and peacefully, because it fulfills its purpose so completely there is no one left to provide the service or product to. If a business is run on fear of failing, the business, like a person, sacrifices the ultimate goal for some small compromise that ensures its continued operation. Though it may appear that the business has dissolved, it lives on forever as the absence of want -- satisfaction.
Is a person any different?
My goal, then, should be to eliminate the want of other people. I cannot focus on the particular wants, those are endless and regenerate from the seed into new forms. I must cut their desires of me off at the root -- gratify and satisfy them completely -- and my desires of them also off at the root thus also being satisfied completely. But in being willing to satisfy their desires immediately, I have none of them and so there is no conflict. Every act is a meeting of desire and each entity is a bundle of desires to be met so it can extinguish -- like a switchboard with all the lines crossed and wrong numbers reached. Everything just needs to be straightened out. Is there courage?
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I am no longer angry.
What am I angry with? Myself for getting me in this position and the ashram as a whole for allowing me to get into this situation.
The ashrams goal is to serve, love, give, purify, meditate, realize. Are the methods in alignment with the end goal? What are the methods? Work, don't think, avoid conflict, everyone should do everything together, want to do anything you are asked.
When I said working on the computer thing makes me feel uncomfortable, he asked me to continue until I could express myself. Discomfort until the expression is forced out?
To me, it appears that the ashram is a place of asceticism. It's encouraged. What is the value of ascetecism? When is it proper to say "I want"?
---
The perfect business destroys itself naturally and peacefully, because it fulfills its purpose so completely there is no one left to provide the service or product to. If a business is run on fear of failing, the business, like a person, sacrifices the ultimate goal for some small compromise that ensures its continued operation. Though it may appear that the business has dissolved, it lives on forever as the absence of want -- satisfaction.
Is a person any different?
My goal, then, should be to eliminate the want of other people. I cannot focus on the particular wants, those are endless and regenerate from the seed into new forms. I must cut their desires of me off at the root -- gratify and satisfy them completely -- and my desires of them also off at the root thus also being satisfied completely. But in being willing to satisfy their desires immediately, I have none of them and so there is no conflict. Every act is a meeting of desire and each entity is a bundle of desires to be met so it can extinguish -- like a switchboard with all the lines crossed and wrong numbers reached. Everything just needs to be straightened out. Is there courage?
---
I am no longer angry.