I'm not sure what to say...
Seeing the ocean again, driving home, and coming back to Nac has given me some much needed clarity. First I have to say that the Atlantic is wonderful in the Spring. I really really missed the ocean. I never realize how much I need it until I'm there. I nearly ran into the freezing cold water with all of my clothes on and a cell phone in my pocket. THAT is how much I missed the ocean. Thank God common sense prevails sometimes with me :) Most of the drive home I spent wishing I were staying in Orlando, and wanting to head back the other way. On that drive Laura got 2 job offers, and in the last 2 days I got 2 interviews. But we knew we both couldn't finance this crazy experiment any longer. You can't argue much with "I'm dead broke."
After spending a few days in Nac I feel...quieter. I held a baby for the first time in 4 years or more, and I wasn't scared at all. He was cute and warm and cuddly. He chewed on my shoulder while he did his best to look at everything at once. I also held Laura's niece in my lap as she started to fall asleep last night. That was one of the best feelings I've had in a while. There is something so comforting about having someone trust you enough to fall asleep on you. If it were at all physically within my power I would have carried her in the house. Alas I am a wimp. Being around Laura's kids has made me miss mine. This might have something to do with the fact that they are some of the few members of my family that are not mad at me currently. Yes, the fam is currently in a tear because I quit my job without having a plan. Personally I submit that looking for a job IS in fact a plan, but in the uber-structured world of the McGowan clan it doesn't work that way. Man what a disappointment I'm going to be to them over the years. Maybe I should suggest disownment now so they can avoid the emotional roller coaster. This trip taught me one thing above all else. I love taking risks. I can play it safe, but that usually results in driving myself slowly (or not so slowly) insane. If I think back on how many things I have hidden, or should have hidden from my parents it's amazing that we have anything close to a decent relationship. I suspect if I am honest with them it will continue to steadily deteriorate. In related news...I need a car, and a job, and preferably a place to live.
Lark
"Did you ever want to fly
Over rainbow skies so high.
Did you ever want to know
Why people told you not to try." Rick Nelson
After spending a few days in Nac I feel...quieter. I held a baby for the first time in 4 years or more, and I wasn't scared at all. He was cute and warm and cuddly. He chewed on my shoulder while he did his best to look at everything at once. I also held Laura's niece in my lap as she started to fall asleep last night. That was one of the best feelings I've had in a while. There is something so comforting about having someone trust you enough to fall asleep on you. If it were at all physically within my power I would have carried her in the house. Alas I am a wimp. Being around Laura's kids has made me miss mine. This might have something to do with the fact that they are some of the few members of my family that are not mad at me currently. Yes, the fam is currently in a tear because I quit my job without having a plan. Personally I submit that looking for a job IS in fact a plan, but in the uber-structured world of the McGowan clan it doesn't work that way. Man what a disappointment I'm going to be to them over the years. Maybe I should suggest disownment now so they can avoid the emotional roller coaster. This trip taught me one thing above all else. I love taking risks. I can play it safe, but that usually results in driving myself slowly (or not so slowly) insane. If I think back on how many things I have hidden, or should have hidden from my parents it's amazing that we have anything close to a decent relationship. I suspect if I am honest with them it will continue to steadily deteriorate. In related news...I need a car, and a job, and preferably a place to live.
Lark
"Did you ever want to fly
Over rainbow skies so high.
Did you ever want to know
Why people told you not to try." Rick Nelson