(no subject)

Aug 17, 2004 00:41

ok dont get me wrong I love chalea to death and I love that she is so happy but I feel depressed whenever im around her because she is eather always with Jeff or talking about him which makes me think about my pethitic existance. OMG I HATE THAT I AM JELIOUS! I wish for nothing but happeness for chalea and all my friends but I just dont like when my life is so pethitic that I feel like happeness is all around me but just out of my grasp. I know blah blah blah one day I will be happy too...whatever... I love chalea and I know she is going to read this and I hope she doesnt feel like she has to hide her happiness from me because I dont want her too I just want my "Jeff". But now I would settle for a "Je" save the "ff" for later hehe. I know there is nothing anyone but me can do about the way I feel but I dont know what to do. I am trying my hardest to stop feeling this way but I cant. yet anyway. Maybe because i dont know what it feels like to have someone that cares for me like that. I fucking hate my life. Chalea You deserve the best and I could not be happer for you that u found it. Even tho I just spent 10 mins saying what sounded like the oppisite. It wasnt ment to sound like I resent you or anything. I love you...
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