My World Comes Crashing Down.
Well I finally got Bryan to call me back yesterday. I sent him a text message that read:
Please call me. I love you and I miss you. If I did or said something to piss you off. I'm sorry.
Unfortunately I left my phone in my car and missed his call. He left me a message that was something along the lines of...
"I'm sorry, I know I haven't called you in a while. I've been feeling really f*cked up. I'm not mad at you. Alot of things have been on my mind lately. You know my worst fear and it came true. Talk to you later." BTW... Bryan's worst fear is a girl calling him up and telling him that she's pregnant.
So I call him back and guess what... he won't answer his phone. Everything is going through my head. The first thought being Bryan cheated on me and got the girl pregnant. So I call up Tommy hysterical. Trying to figure out what to do. Tommy likes me, we don't always get along but he knows I'm a good person. So he calls Bryan and leaves him a message demanding that Bryan call me and explain to me what's going on. Thankfully Bryan takes Tommy's advise and does call me back. At this point I'm already on my way to his house.
So I talk to Bryan and he explains to me that the girl that he was seeing up to two weeks before he met me called him Tuesday night. She's four months pregnant, and the father is between him and another guy. The reason she waited so long was because she didn't want either of the guys pressuring her into getting an abortion. He didn't know what to say to me so he didn't call and he was sorry about that. All he's been doing is trying to figure out what options he has right now. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, and he said he didn't think it was fair for me to have to go through this with him. I told him that I was his girlfriend that that was what you do when you love someone. I told him it would be just as unfair if he just left me now. So he was saying that he was going to go now, and I asked if I could come over. He told me that he wouldn't be very good company. I asked him if that was a yes at my own risk? He said I could come over if I wanted too.
So I got over there and we talked alittle more. He said that they will have a better idea of if it's his or the other guy's next week after the ultrasound, but it won't be definate until the child is born and paternaty test are taken. I didn't even have the heart to ask him what happens if it is his. I think I'm scared to death to know the answer.
So around 11PM he said that he really need to get to bed, and I asked him if that meant I had to leave. He said that I could stay if I wanted too. So I stayed. I curled into bed wit him. Kissed him and had passoinate sex, and when it was all over I laid there in bed thinkign.... what if this is the last time? Everything feels likes it's ending. I didn't want to leave this morning. I felt like if I left everything was over, that I was gonna lose it all. I kissed his back and neck and shoulders for two hours this morning. Finally I pulled myself away got dressed and went to work. I feel like that was the last time I'll ever be with him. I'm scared. Even with Bryan's imperfections, neglect, and lack of time... I still love him. I feel like I'm about to lose everything, and there's nothing I can do about it.
If the child is not his, and if he will still be wit me, then I'm gonna stay with him, but if the child is his... I think we are going to have to go our own way. I'm not ready for a child to be apart of me life, especially one that isn't mine. I know that's terrible to say, but... I'm pretty sure it's true. Next week we will ahev a better guess of who the father is after the ultrasound, but nothing will be definate until DNA testing can be done after the child is born... which isn't for another five months. I don't know if I'd survive being with Bryan for five months, especially because as long as their is a possibility that the child is his he's going to do the right thing and be there for the girl, and then find out at the end that the child is his. That would kill me, not to mention the hell I'd be in for the whole five months. So what am I saying? What am I going to do? I don't know, and I really don't want to know... because all signs point to me losing the only thing I've ever loved as much as music. Kill me.
Anyway... that was my night, and I still haven't recovered. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers. But one thing is for sure... I forgive Bryan for not calling me for a couple of days.
Signed Sincerly Me,
Larizel
Please call me. I love you and I miss you. If I did or said something to piss you off. I'm sorry.
Unfortunately I left my phone in my car and missed his call. He left me a message that was something along the lines of...
"I'm sorry, I know I haven't called you in a while. I've been feeling really f*cked up. I'm not mad at you. Alot of things have been on my mind lately. You know my worst fear and it came true. Talk to you later." BTW... Bryan's worst fear is a girl calling him up and telling him that she's pregnant.
So I call him back and guess what... he won't answer his phone. Everything is going through my head. The first thought being Bryan cheated on me and got the girl pregnant. So I call up Tommy hysterical. Trying to figure out what to do. Tommy likes me, we don't always get along but he knows I'm a good person. So he calls Bryan and leaves him a message demanding that Bryan call me and explain to me what's going on. Thankfully Bryan takes Tommy's advise and does call me back. At this point I'm already on my way to his house.
So I talk to Bryan and he explains to me that the girl that he was seeing up to two weeks before he met me called him Tuesday night. She's four months pregnant, and the father is between him and another guy. The reason she waited so long was because she didn't want either of the guys pressuring her into getting an abortion. He didn't know what to say to me so he didn't call and he was sorry about that. All he's been doing is trying to figure out what options he has right now. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, and he said he didn't think it was fair for me to have to go through this with him. I told him that I was his girlfriend that that was what you do when you love someone. I told him it would be just as unfair if he just left me now. So he was saying that he was going to go now, and I asked if I could come over. He told me that he wouldn't be very good company. I asked him if that was a yes at my own risk? He said I could come over if I wanted too.
So I got over there and we talked alittle more. He said that they will have a better idea of if it's his or the other guy's next week after the ultrasound, but it won't be definate until the child is born and paternaty test are taken. I didn't even have the heart to ask him what happens if it is his. I think I'm scared to death to know the answer.
So around 11PM he said that he really need to get to bed, and I asked him if that meant I had to leave. He said that I could stay if I wanted too. So I stayed. I curled into bed wit him. Kissed him and had passoinate sex, and when it was all over I laid there in bed thinkign.... what if this is the last time? Everything feels likes it's ending. I didn't want to leave this morning. I felt like if I left everything was over, that I was gonna lose it all. I kissed his back and neck and shoulders for two hours this morning. Finally I pulled myself away got dressed and went to work. I feel like that was the last time I'll ever be with him. I'm scared. Even with Bryan's imperfections, neglect, and lack of time... I still love him. I feel like I'm about to lose everything, and there's nothing I can do about it.
If the child is not his, and if he will still be wit me, then I'm gonna stay with him, but if the child is his... I think we are going to have to go our own way. I'm not ready for a child to be apart of me life, especially one that isn't mine. I know that's terrible to say, but... I'm pretty sure it's true. Next week we will ahev a better guess of who the father is after the ultrasound, but nothing will be definate until DNA testing can be done after the child is born... which isn't for another five months. I don't know if I'd survive being with Bryan for five months, especially because as long as their is a possibility that the child is his he's going to do the right thing and be there for the girl, and then find out at the end that the child is his. That would kill me, not to mention the hell I'd be in for the whole five months. So what am I saying? What am I going to do? I don't know, and I really don't want to know... because all signs point to me losing the only thing I've ever loved as much as music. Kill me.
Anyway... that was my night, and I still haven't recovered. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers. But one thing is for sure... I forgive Bryan for not calling me for a couple of days.
Signed Sincerly Me,
Larizel