(Batfic) Everything In Between, chapter 5
Previous chapters and fics: speak_sing
There were anxious, beady little eyes trained on her. Rachel knew it. She could feel them, and even though her internal clock was slowly adjusting to Ava’s current feeding schedule and Jack wasn't there besides, it still told her that it was too early for him to be up, so it had to be five at the latest.
If Susie didn’t stop breathing so quickly, she was going to hyperventilate. She couldn’t be that eager for Christmas morning. Rachel was set on ignoring her until a few sniffles crept out, and then she opened her eyes. Sure enough, Susie was clinging to the edge of the bed at eye-level, having apparently moved Ava’s bassinet out of the way, and what Rachel could see of her nose was twitching with sniffles as tears glistened in her eyes.
“What’s wrong, Susie?” Rachel mumbled. It hadn’t been that long since Ava’s last feeding, and just wanted to go back to sleep.
“Mommy used to wake us up on Christmas morning,” the child whispered. “She’d show us the cookies and milk that Santa had eaten, and, and the carrots that the reindeer had eaten, too.” She was breaking down and Rachel pulled the covers back with a sigh. She pulled Susie close when the girl climbed into the bed with her, stroking her hair gently. “And, and Daddy --- my real Daddy --- would show us where Santa caught his beard on the fireplace, and we’d have cocoa and caramel popcorn when we opened presents. I miss Mommy and Daddy,” Susie sobbed after taking a huge gulp of air.
Rachel held her tightly and let her cry, blinking away her own tears. She hadn’t thought to ask Susie how she was doing; she’d seemed to be adjusting well, so Rachel hadn’t given it a high priority. She whispered soothingly into Susie’s ear and hugged her close, reassuring her that nothing had been her fault, not her mother dying, not being kidnapped, nothing. Rachel loved her, she promised, and she wasn’t going to let the state take Susie and Janet away. The mere mention of being separated made Susie cry harder, burying her face in Rachel’s breasts as she shook. She was terrified of being alone. Even when she started falling asleep, Susie struggled to keep her eyes open and didn’t let Rachel go. Every time she nodded off, she’d wake up with a jerk and a whimper.
“It’s all right,” Rachel whispered as she rubbed Susie’s back. “Go to sleep, Susie. I’m right here. We’ll call Jack and open presents in a few hours. Go to sleep, sweety.”
“I love you, Rachel,” Susie whispered.
Rachel smiled down at her. “I love you, too, Susie.”
~
The video conference room had been cleared out for him. Technically, it was just his turn to use it to call his family on Christmas, but Jack preferred to think that it had been cleared out especially for him regardless of the normal operating procedure at Arkham. It was a method of thinking that Morgenson had talked about changing, some new therapy he was working on. Jack hadn’t been paying any attention; the good doctor had been trimming his beard for him, and he’d been almost hyperventilating as he’d fought to not throw a fit. No amount of persuasion had gotten him to agree to be shaved, including the threat of not being able to call Rachel today. Jack had just raised his eyebrows and repeated what he’d been saying from the first day, that, according to Arkham’s own rules, so long as a patient (him) posed no threat to themselves, neatly-groomed, trimmed facial hair was allowed. That was why he’d squirmed his way through the morning’s trim, feeling like a sullen child being groomed by his parent. He’d never felt that way; every time he remembered being in front of his father, fear was the overwhelming emotion. To had felt only faintly naughty and somewhat put-out was new, and frankly exhilarating.
“Don’t you have to spend Christmas with your wife?” he asked Morgenson. The doctor looked up from the book he was reading in the corner and shrugged.
“We had breakfast together, and we’re going out to dinner tonight. She understands that this is important.”
“Tell her hi for me. My kid’s first Christmas and I have to be stuck in here,” Jack scoffed irritably as he hunched down in his chair and leaned his arms on the table. He’d been read the rules prior to leaving his cell, and now Arkham himself was telling the same thing to Rachel.
“Do you understand why you’re in here?”
“Of course I understand,” he replied with a roll of his eyes. “I saved Rachel, my daughter, and two kids from dying, killed a bunch of people who really deserved it, stopped a pair of serial killers, and got rid of the mob in Gotham. Now I’m being punished for it.” He rubbed an itch on his nose before continuing on in a mumble. “And I went crazy, and, uh, withheld information from the police --- which the FBI said was the best thing to do, in retrospect --- and, uh . . . I’m crazy.”
“And killed people.”
“They deserved it,” Jack shot back with a scowl. “Johnny MacKenzie was a serial rapist who specialised in little old grannies, and he wasn’t even the worst that I killed. What is the fucking problem, Doc? Look, fine, I know why I’m in here --- I just don’t understand it. Can we leave it at that? Because I doubt I’m ever going to understand it.”
“You need to demonstrate that you’re going to abide by society’s rules if you’re going to be let out of here,” Morgenson told him evenly. “You needn’t understand them, Jack, just follow them. I know you hate the idea, but it’s what’s going to get you back to Rachel.”
“Who’s better off without me.”
“I really hope that wasn’t about your wife,” Arkham said from the screen. Jack started violently and whipped back around, his hands half-raised in a defensive posture before he realised that Arkham had come on the line. He lowered his arms with a scowl. “If you’re ready, Mr. Dawes, I’ll transfer you over.”
“Thank you,” Jack said with exaggerated politeness. He had the heart-pounding, antsy feeling in his chest that he’d been assured was nervousness. He was never nervous. He hated the feeling. He hated the shortness of breath it gave him, he hated that it made him think Rachel would decide that she didn’t want to talk with him. He’d stopped them on the drive back to Loleta as often as possible, taking every moment he could to hold Ava, to learn everything about her that he could and now here he was, not having seen her except in pictures for eighteen days, and how much had he missed in eighteen days? How much bigger had she gotten? How was anybody getting along without him there? Jack was sure that they needed him, but there was a tiny sliver of doubt in the back of his mind that said maybe they’d discovered that they didn’t need him, after all.
Then Arkham’s face disappeared and in its place was Rachel, holding a red and green bundle in her arms. Ava was awake and waving her arms around slowly as Rachel rocked her. Jack stared at them for a long time.
“She’s bigger,” he finally managed.
Rachel nodded with a smile. “She’s going through a growth spurt right now. How are you?”
He ignored the question and craned his neck to get a better view of the infant. “Let me see her. I can’t see her.”
“Here, look at Daddy,” Rachel said as she shifted Ava in her arms, sitting the girl up against her chest. She wiggled her fingers in front of the computer screen and Ava’s eyes tracked the movements. “See? There’s Daddy, who needs a shave and a haircut. Mom’s here; she brought the outfit. Doesn’t she look cute?”
Jack leaned forward and nodded because that was what Rachel needed. “Precious. Hey, minion. Hey, yeah, look at me.” Ava seemed to focus on him and he kept tilting his head to keep her attention on him. “What’s up? Are you behaving? You’ve got Rachel’s eyes and hair. What’s up with that? I helped, too, you know. Can’t I get a little credit?”
“Blue eyes are recessive. She’ll probably end up with brown eyes. They should settle on their permanent colour in eight months or so. She’s got your curls, though.”
“Hey, Doc, check it out,” Jack said when Rachel tugged the little cap off of Ava’s head. He pointed at her small dark curls. “I gave her those.”
“Curly hair is an incompletely dominant trait. Someone with pure straight-hair genes and someone with pure curly-hair genes will produce a child with wavy hair. Rachel also has wavy hair. Ava would probably have had some wave to her hair even if you had straight hair.” Jack let out a disgusted sigh as Morgenson leaned over his shoulder. “With your hair texture, she’ll probably be more curly than wavy. Good job.”
“Thanks,” Jack mumbled. “Way to help a guy’s self-esteem. So,” he coughed, “how are you?”
Rachel looked down, then back up through her eyelashes. “I miss you. We all miss you. Ah, Tom and Helna are coming over for dinner. Mitzi just loves Ava; she and Susie fight over who gets to hold her.”
“’Cause Mitzi’s a dyke. No, she is,” Jack insisted when Rachel gave him a Look. “She smells like one. Smell her!”
“She smells gay?”
“Yeah,” Jack nodded, “she does. She’s my little dykling.”
“And what about Ava?”
Jack looked down and wiggled his fingers at his daughter, smiling when she tried to shove her mitten-clad hand in her mouth as her eyes followed him. “Too soon to tell. Bring her when you visit and I’ll take a sniff.”
Rachel winced a little. “I . . . It may have to be just me, just for the first visit,” she told him. Jack pursed his lips and nodded, not looking up at her. “I’m sorry, Jack, it’s ---”
“For Ava’s safety. I know, Rachel. The seventh and eighth are on a weekend, so you don’t have to take time off of work. Oh. When are you going back to work?”
“Whenever I feel like it,” Rachel said when he looked up at her. “Mark said to take all the time I need, and I can do some things from home to ease back into the routine.”
“What about Ava?”
“Janet can watch her, and hopefully you’ll be home by then.”
Morgenson coughed slightly and Jack licked his lips. His moustache tickled his tongue. “Uh, yeah, about that. Uhm . . . I thought that I’d, y’know . . . The courts aren’t going to want me around the girls, you know?” Rachel’s face took on the pinched look it got when she was trying not to let something he’d said or done affect her until he’d explained himself. “And, uh, I asked Doc, and he agreed. I mean, I was thinking I could get a, an apartment in town when I got back. I want to come home,” he hurried on at the stricken look on Rachel’s face. “I really, really want to come home. I wanna help with Ava, I wanna spend --- I wanna be around you all. I need to be with you. I just . . . it might be for the best for a while, if I wasn’t in the house. I could, uh, take you to work and pick you up, or uhm, take the girls to school . . . or daycare . . . or something . . . There are apartments open above Shotz,” he finished lamely. “Doc said the courts would like that idea. So they don’t have to take Janet and Susie away. Or Ava. How is Ava? You’ve lost a lot of weight. Are you eating right?”
Rachel was nodding as she closed her eyes, licking her lips. “I’m just losing some baby weight,” she whispered. “I’ll be all right.” Then she cleared her throat and looked at him again, smiling. “I love you, Jack. I’ll let the courts know,” she went on as he mumbled it back at her, “and I’ll talk with Marshal about the apartment. I can put some money down to hold it until you’re home. That’s . . .” She looked down at Ava for a moment. “That’s a good idea. It is, Jack. I don’t like it, but it’s a good idea.”
“Doc wants to start me on some new therapy. Something about changing the habit of being schizo or something. I have to try not to think that I deserve more than everyone else. We’ll let you know how that goes.”
“James is a good man,” Rachel said. She looked to the side and cleared her throat. “Susie wants to talk with you. I said we could open presents when we called you.”
“How’s Janet doing? Does she hate me?”
Rachel sighed and turned Ava toward her when the baby started wiggling and squeaking a bit. “Janet . . . is coping as much as she can. She feels guilty, and . . . She’d rather not talk with you right now. I’m sorry, Jack.”
He shrugged. “I figured she wouldn’t want to. But she’s getting good help?”
“Yes,” Rachel nodded. She looked to the side again and nodded, pulling her blouse up to feed Ava. The baby started rooting with more enthusiasm, her dark eyes looking up at her mother.
“You’re beautiful,” Jack breathed as he stared at them. He felt for his paper and pencils, his eyes crawling over Rachel and Ava as he started a rough sketch. “Don’t ever stop breastfeeding.”
That prompted a laugh that, from the surprised look at Rachel’s face right after, hadn’t happened in a long time. “I can’t breastfeed her forever.” She kept looking down at Ava, but glanced at Jack out of the corner of her eyes. He was transfixed. Even when Susie crept up and settled next to her, his gaze stayed on his baby and the smile on his face was small, but genuine and full of hope and love.
“Then we’ll have more,” Jack said at the same time Susie spoke.
“Merry Christmas, Daddy.”
Jack focused on her but his sketching didn’t falter. “Hey, kid. How are you?”
“I miss you. Did you get my letters?”
“Yeah, I did. Didn’t I send one back? I’d send more, but there’s not that much to say. I got your pictures, and I put them up on my wall.” He looked at Rachel, who nodded in encouragement. “I wish I was there, Tootsie-pop.”
“Me, too. Rachel said I can open your presents for you.”
Jack smiled at her. “Go ahead; show me what I got.” He kept glancing between the screen and his sketch as Susie was handed some presents. “Hi, Bethy.”
“You behave yourself, Jack,” was her off-camera reply. “Coming home to these four is your highest priority right now, do you understand me?”
“Completely.”
“This is from me, to you.” Susie showed off her wrapping paper with a grin. As soon as Jack had admired it appropriately, she tore into it with glee. It was a handmade ceramic mug with pictures in a mosaic pattern all around it. “Charles showed me how to make it. Do you like it? It’s got you, and me, and Rachel, and Janet, and Ava. See? And there’s Rory, and there’s Schro.”
“Who’s Schro?”
“Schroedinger! The kitten you gave me. Doc was letting me read about Schroedinger’s theory, and when I was looking for Schro the other day, I could hear him in the laundry room, but I couldn’t find him. He was there, but he wasn’t!”
Jack laughed. “Wow. What else is there?”
“This one is from Rachel. Oh, it’s mine!”
She continued to open the presents, setting aside the ones for Janet, keeping up a narrative about each one. Bethany sat down in the background and Tom, Helna, and Mitzi followed her. He got waves from them, and Mitzi struggled out of Helna’s arms and came over to babble at him.
“No, she’ll try to take Ava!” Susie protested.
“Ava’s not done eating yet,” Rachel told her.
Mitzi was trying to touch Ava, but Susie was holding her back. “Baby! Mine!”
“No, that’s Rachel’s baby! Rachel’s and Jack’s, and she’s my little sister, not yours!”
“Hey, stop,” Jack told them both. Helna had to come get Mitzi, and Susie glared at the toddler. “Knock it off. Mitzi loves Ava as much as you do, Susie. They’re going to be lesbians together and have lots of cats.”
“What are lesbians?”
“Women who love and have sex with other women,” he told her as the adults rolled their eyes. “And they’re awesome.”
“. . . Oh. But I still get to burp Ava.”
“Only until I get home. I want to help, too. Are you being helpful?”
“I burp Ava,” Susie repeated. “And I change her diapers sometimes. And I make sure Mr. Nashton doesn’t be mean to her.”
“Who’s Mr. Nashton?” Jack asked.
“He’s got the hots for Rachel. But he doesn’t like kids. And he’s a red-head! I don’t trust him. He knows Charles, too! And he’s writing a book. I bet it’s a stupid book.”
Jack raised his eyebrows at Rachel. “Really? Oh,” he backtracked a bit, “that mystery author. Are you supposed to be out in the cold with Ava? What if you two get sick?”
“We have lunch with Tom and Helna while Susie and Janet are with the psychologist,” Rachel told him. “He stops by the deli sometimes. He knows I’m married, and he’s very polite. He wanted to interview me for his novel, but I told him that Mark would be a better choice right now.”
“He make any moves on you?”
“You wouldn’t be able to do anything about it if he had,” Jack was reminded, “and Tom and Helna are always with me.”
“Hey, I . . . I’m just worried. You did just get kidnapped.”
“And he knows Charles. She says he’s nosy, but harmless.” Rachel and Jack both took deep breaths and then she coughed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so touchy.”
“I don’t have much room to complain,” Jack told her. “Besides, of course he wants you. You’re hot.” The five minute timer went off and he rolled his eyes. “So, I’ll, uh, I drew some pictures. I’ll have Doc send them off to you. Is Bethy going to stay a while?”
“A few more days, at least. She’s a big help.”
“We got you presents, too,” Helna piped up. She moved next to Rachel and slid her arm around the other woman’s shoulders. “But you have to come home to open them.”
“But you’re Jewish.”
“Doesn’t mean we can’t give you presents on an international gift-giving holiday, no matter how inaccurate it is.”
“I think all religion is inaccurate.”
“But yet, God loves you anyway.”
Jack raised his eyebrow at Helna. “Yes, God does. Think very hard about that, Helna, and then tell me if you’re still religious after the logical conclusion has been reached.”
He got a sweet smile, but what was better was the smile on Rachel’s face as she looked down at their daughter. No one had mentioned anything to him, but Jack had been worried about post-partum depression. He wanted Rachel to love Ava, even when he wasn’t there. Tom came over to join in the heckling, and Susie was handed Ava to burp after a while. The only thing missing, really, was Janet. As the time left counted down, goodbyes were said hurriedly and tearfully, and Jack got the tight, panicky feeling in his chest again. He pressed his fingers to his lips and then to the screen, and Rachel did the same.
“At least I’ll see you during the trial,” he said lightly.
“We’ll be down every weekend we can.” It was a promise, and Jack nodded.
“I’ll hurry home. I . . .”
“I know,” Rachel murmured. “I love you, too.”
There were anxious, beady little eyes trained on her. Rachel knew it. She could feel them, and even though her internal clock was slowly adjusting to Ava’s current feeding schedule and Jack wasn't there besides, it still told her that it was too early for him to be up, so it had to be five at the latest.
If Susie didn’t stop breathing so quickly, she was going to hyperventilate. She couldn’t be that eager for Christmas morning. Rachel was set on ignoring her until a few sniffles crept out, and then she opened her eyes. Sure enough, Susie was clinging to the edge of the bed at eye-level, having apparently moved Ava’s bassinet out of the way, and what Rachel could see of her nose was twitching with sniffles as tears glistened in her eyes.
“What’s wrong, Susie?” Rachel mumbled. It hadn’t been that long since Ava’s last feeding, and just wanted to go back to sleep.
“Mommy used to wake us up on Christmas morning,” the child whispered. “She’d show us the cookies and milk that Santa had eaten, and, and the carrots that the reindeer had eaten, too.” She was breaking down and Rachel pulled the covers back with a sigh. She pulled Susie close when the girl climbed into the bed with her, stroking her hair gently. “And, and Daddy --- my real Daddy --- would show us where Santa caught his beard on the fireplace, and we’d have cocoa and caramel popcorn when we opened presents. I miss Mommy and Daddy,” Susie sobbed after taking a huge gulp of air.
Rachel held her tightly and let her cry, blinking away her own tears. She hadn’t thought to ask Susie how she was doing; she’d seemed to be adjusting well, so Rachel hadn’t given it a high priority. She whispered soothingly into Susie’s ear and hugged her close, reassuring her that nothing had been her fault, not her mother dying, not being kidnapped, nothing. Rachel loved her, she promised, and she wasn’t going to let the state take Susie and Janet away. The mere mention of being separated made Susie cry harder, burying her face in Rachel’s breasts as she shook. She was terrified of being alone. Even when she started falling asleep, Susie struggled to keep her eyes open and didn’t let Rachel go. Every time she nodded off, she’d wake up with a jerk and a whimper.
“It’s all right,” Rachel whispered as she rubbed Susie’s back. “Go to sleep, Susie. I’m right here. We’ll call Jack and open presents in a few hours. Go to sleep, sweety.”
“I love you, Rachel,” Susie whispered.
Rachel smiled down at her. “I love you, too, Susie.”
~
The video conference room had been cleared out for him. Technically, it was just his turn to use it to call his family on Christmas, but Jack preferred to think that it had been cleared out especially for him regardless of the normal operating procedure at Arkham. It was a method of thinking that Morgenson had talked about changing, some new therapy he was working on. Jack hadn’t been paying any attention; the good doctor had been trimming his beard for him, and he’d been almost hyperventilating as he’d fought to not throw a fit. No amount of persuasion had gotten him to agree to be shaved, including the threat of not being able to call Rachel today. Jack had just raised his eyebrows and repeated what he’d been saying from the first day, that, according to Arkham’s own rules, so long as a patient (him) posed no threat to themselves, neatly-groomed, trimmed facial hair was allowed. That was why he’d squirmed his way through the morning’s trim, feeling like a sullen child being groomed by his parent. He’d never felt that way; every time he remembered being in front of his father, fear was the overwhelming emotion. To had felt only faintly naughty and somewhat put-out was new, and frankly exhilarating.
“Don’t you have to spend Christmas with your wife?” he asked Morgenson. The doctor looked up from the book he was reading in the corner and shrugged.
“We had breakfast together, and we’re going out to dinner tonight. She understands that this is important.”
“Tell her hi for me. My kid’s first Christmas and I have to be stuck in here,” Jack scoffed irritably as he hunched down in his chair and leaned his arms on the table. He’d been read the rules prior to leaving his cell, and now Arkham himself was telling the same thing to Rachel.
“Do you understand why you’re in here?”
“Of course I understand,” he replied with a roll of his eyes. “I saved Rachel, my daughter, and two kids from dying, killed a bunch of people who really deserved it, stopped a pair of serial killers, and got rid of the mob in Gotham. Now I’m being punished for it.” He rubbed an itch on his nose before continuing on in a mumble. “And I went crazy, and, uh, withheld information from the police --- which the FBI said was the best thing to do, in retrospect --- and, uh . . . I’m crazy.”
“And killed people.”
“They deserved it,” Jack shot back with a scowl. “Johnny MacKenzie was a serial rapist who specialised in little old grannies, and he wasn’t even the worst that I killed. What is the fucking problem, Doc? Look, fine, I know why I’m in here --- I just don’t understand it. Can we leave it at that? Because I doubt I’m ever going to understand it.”
“You need to demonstrate that you’re going to abide by society’s rules if you’re going to be let out of here,” Morgenson told him evenly. “You needn’t understand them, Jack, just follow them. I know you hate the idea, but it’s what’s going to get you back to Rachel.”
“Who’s better off without me.”
“I really hope that wasn’t about your wife,” Arkham said from the screen. Jack started violently and whipped back around, his hands half-raised in a defensive posture before he realised that Arkham had come on the line. He lowered his arms with a scowl. “If you’re ready, Mr. Dawes, I’ll transfer you over.”
“Thank you,” Jack said with exaggerated politeness. He had the heart-pounding, antsy feeling in his chest that he’d been assured was nervousness. He was never nervous. He hated the feeling. He hated the shortness of breath it gave him, he hated that it made him think Rachel would decide that she didn’t want to talk with him. He’d stopped them on the drive back to Loleta as often as possible, taking every moment he could to hold Ava, to learn everything about her that he could and now here he was, not having seen her except in pictures for eighteen days, and how much had he missed in eighteen days? How much bigger had she gotten? How was anybody getting along without him there? Jack was sure that they needed him, but there was a tiny sliver of doubt in the back of his mind that said maybe they’d discovered that they didn’t need him, after all.
Then Arkham’s face disappeared and in its place was Rachel, holding a red and green bundle in her arms. Ava was awake and waving her arms around slowly as Rachel rocked her. Jack stared at them for a long time.
“She’s bigger,” he finally managed.
Rachel nodded with a smile. “She’s going through a growth spurt right now. How are you?”
He ignored the question and craned his neck to get a better view of the infant. “Let me see her. I can’t see her.”
“Here, look at Daddy,” Rachel said as she shifted Ava in her arms, sitting the girl up against her chest. She wiggled her fingers in front of the computer screen and Ava’s eyes tracked the movements. “See? There’s Daddy, who needs a shave and a haircut. Mom’s here; she brought the outfit. Doesn’t she look cute?”
Jack leaned forward and nodded because that was what Rachel needed. “Precious. Hey, minion. Hey, yeah, look at me.” Ava seemed to focus on him and he kept tilting his head to keep her attention on him. “What’s up? Are you behaving? You’ve got Rachel’s eyes and hair. What’s up with that? I helped, too, you know. Can’t I get a little credit?”
“Blue eyes are recessive. She’ll probably end up with brown eyes. They should settle on their permanent colour in eight months or so. She’s got your curls, though.”
“Hey, Doc, check it out,” Jack said when Rachel tugged the little cap off of Ava’s head. He pointed at her small dark curls. “I gave her those.”
“Curly hair is an incompletely dominant trait. Someone with pure straight-hair genes and someone with pure curly-hair genes will produce a child with wavy hair. Rachel also has wavy hair. Ava would probably have had some wave to her hair even if you had straight hair.” Jack let out a disgusted sigh as Morgenson leaned over his shoulder. “With your hair texture, she’ll probably be more curly than wavy. Good job.”
“Thanks,” Jack mumbled. “Way to help a guy’s self-esteem. So,” he coughed, “how are you?”
Rachel looked down, then back up through her eyelashes. “I miss you. We all miss you. Ah, Tom and Helna are coming over for dinner. Mitzi just loves Ava; she and Susie fight over who gets to hold her.”
“’Cause Mitzi’s a dyke. No, she is,” Jack insisted when Rachel gave him a Look. “She smells like one. Smell her!”
“She smells gay?”
“Yeah,” Jack nodded, “she does. She’s my little dykling.”
“And what about Ava?”
Jack looked down and wiggled his fingers at his daughter, smiling when she tried to shove her mitten-clad hand in her mouth as her eyes followed him. “Too soon to tell. Bring her when you visit and I’ll take a sniff.”
Rachel winced a little. “I . . . It may have to be just me, just for the first visit,” she told him. Jack pursed his lips and nodded, not looking up at her. “I’m sorry, Jack, it’s ---”
“For Ava’s safety. I know, Rachel. The seventh and eighth are on a weekend, so you don’t have to take time off of work. Oh. When are you going back to work?”
“Whenever I feel like it,” Rachel said when he looked up at her. “Mark said to take all the time I need, and I can do some things from home to ease back into the routine.”
“What about Ava?”
“Janet can watch her, and hopefully you’ll be home by then.”
Morgenson coughed slightly and Jack licked his lips. His moustache tickled his tongue. “Uh, yeah, about that. Uhm . . . I thought that I’d, y’know . . . The courts aren’t going to want me around the girls, you know?” Rachel’s face took on the pinched look it got when she was trying not to let something he’d said or done affect her until he’d explained himself. “And, uh, I asked Doc, and he agreed. I mean, I was thinking I could get a, an apartment in town when I got back. I want to come home,” he hurried on at the stricken look on Rachel’s face. “I really, really want to come home. I wanna help with Ava, I wanna spend --- I wanna be around you all. I need to be with you. I just . . . it might be for the best for a while, if I wasn’t in the house. I could, uh, take you to work and pick you up, or uhm, take the girls to school . . . or daycare . . . or something . . . There are apartments open above Shotz,” he finished lamely. “Doc said the courts would like that idea. So they don’t have to take Janet and Susie away. Or Ava. How is Ava? You’ve lost a lot of weight. Are you eating right?”
Rachel was nodding as she closed her eyes, licking her lips. “I’m just losing some baby weight,” she whispered. “I’ll be all right.” Then she cleared her throat and looked at him again, smiling. “I love you, Jack. I’ll let the courts know,” she went on as he mumbled it back at her, “and I’ll talk with Marshal about the apartment. I can put some money down to hold it until you’re home. That’s . . .” She looked down at Ava for a moment. “That’s a good idea. It is, Jack. I don’t like it, but it’s a good idea.”
“Doc wants to start me on some new therapy. Something about changing the habit of being schizo or something. I have to try not to think that I deserve more than everyone else. We’ll let you know how that goes.”
“James is a good man,” Rachel said. She looked to the side and cleared her throat. “Susie wants to talk with you. I said we could open presents when we called you.”
“How’s Janet doing? Does she hate me?”
Rachel sighed and turned Ava toward her when the baby started wiggling and squeaking a bit. “Janet . . . is coping as much as she can. She feels guilty, and . . . She’d rather not talk with you right now. I’m sorry, Jack.”
He shrugged. “I figured she wouldn’t want to. But she’s getting good help?”
“Yes,” Rachel nodded. She looked to the side again and nodded, pulling her blouse up to feed Ava. The baby started rooting with more enthusiasm, her dark eyes looking up at her mother.
“You’re beautiful,” Jack breathed as he stared at them. He felt for his paper and pencils, his eyes crawling over Rachel and Ava as he started a rough sketch. “Don’t ever stop breastfeeding.”
That prompted a laugh that, from the surprised look at Rachel’s face right after, hadn’t happened in a long time. “I can’t breastfeed her forever.” She kept looking down at Ava, but glanced at Jack out of the corner of her eyes. He was transfixed. Even when Susie crept up and settled next to her, his gaze stayed on his baby and the smile on his face was small, but genuine and full of hope and love.
“Then we’ll have more,” Jack said at the same time Susie spoke.
“Merry Christmas, Daddy.”
Jack focused on her but his sketching didn’t falter. “Hey, kid. How are you?”
“I miss you. Did you get my letters?”
“Yeah, I did. Didn’t I send one back? I’d send more, but there’s not that much to say. I got your pictures, and I put them up on my wall.” He looked at Rachel, who nodded in encouragement. “I wish I was there, Tootsie-pop.”
“Me, too. Rachel said I can open your presents for you.”
Jack smiled at her. “Go ahead; show me what I got.” He kept glancing between the screen and his sketch as Susie was handed some presents. “Hi, Bethy.”
“You behave yourself, Jack,” was her off-camera reply. “Coming home to these four is your highest priority right now, do you understand me?”
“Completely.”
“This is from me, to you.” Susie showed off her wrapping paper with a grin. As soon as Jack had admired it appropriately, she tore into it with glee. It was a handmade ceramic mug with pictures in a mosaic pattern all around it. “Charles showed me how to make it. Do you like it? It’s got you, and me, and Rachel, and Janet, and Ava. See? And there’s Rory, and there’s Schro.”
“Who’s Schro?”
“Schroedinger! The kitten you gave me. Doc was letting me read about Schroedinger’s theory, and when I was looking for Schro the other day, I could hear him in the laundry room, but I couldn’t find him. He was there, but he wasn’t!”
Jack laughed. “Wow. What else is there?”
“This one is from Rachel. Oh, it’s mine!”
She continued to open the presents, setting aside the ones for Janet, keeping up a narrative about each one. Bethany sat down in the background and Tom, Helna, and Mitzi followed her. He got waves from them, and Mitzi struggled out of Helna’s arms and came over to babble at him.
“No, she’ll try to take Ava!” Susie protested.
“Ava’s not done eating yet,” Rachel told her.
Mitzi was trying to touch Ava, but Susie was holding her back. “Baby! Mine!”
“No, that’s Rachel’s baby! Rachel’s and Jack’s, and she’s my little sister, not yours!”
“Hey, stop,” Jack told them both. Helna had to come get Mitzi, and Susie glared at the toddler. “Knock it off. Mitzi loves Ava as much as you do, Susie. They’re going to be lesbians together and have lots of cats.”
“What are lesbians?”
“Women who love and have sex with other women,” he told her as the adults rolled their eyes. “And they’re awesome.”
“. . . Oh. But I still get to burp Ava.”
“Only until I get home. I want to help, too. Are you being helpful?”
“I burp Ava,” Susie repeated. “And I change her diapers sometimes. And I make sure Mr. Nashton doesn’t be mean to her.”
“Who’s Mr. Nashton?” Jack asked.
“He’s got the hots for Rachel. But he doesn’t like kids. And he’s a red-head! I don’t trust him. He knows Charles, too! And he’s writing a book. I bet it’s a stupid book.”
Jack raised his eyebrows at Rachel. “Really? Oh,” he backtracked a bit, “that mystery author. Are you supposed to be out in the cold with Ava? What if you two get sick?”
“We have lunch with Tom and Helna while Susie and Janet are with the psychologist,” Rachel told him. “He stops by the deli sometimes. He knows I’m married, and he’s very polite. He wanted to interview me for his novel, but I told him that Mark would be a better choice right now.”
“He make any moves on you?”
“You wouldn’t be able to do anything about it if he had,” Jack was reminded, “and Tom and Helna are always with me.”
“Hey, I . . . I’m just worried. You did just get kidnapped.”
“And he knows Charles. She says he’s nosy, but harmless.” Rachel and Jack both took deep breaths and then she coughed. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so touchy.”
“I don’t have much room to complain,” Jack told her. “Besides, of course he wants you. You’re hot.” The five minute timer went off and he rolled his eyes. “So, I’ll, uh, I drew some pictures. I’ll have Doc send them off to you. Is Bethy going to stay a while?”
“A few more days, at least. She’s a big help.”
“We got you presents, too,” Helna piped up. She moved next to Rachel and slid her arm around the other woman’s shoulders. “But you have to come home to open them.”
“But you’re Jewish.”
“Doesn’t mean we can’t give you presents on an international gift-giving holiday, no matter how inaccurate it is.”
“I think all religion is inaccurate.”
“But yet, God loves you anyway.”
Jack raised his eyebrow at Helna. “Yes, God does. Think very hard about that, Helna, and then tell me if you’re still religious after the logical conclusion has been reached.”
He got a sweet smile, but what was better was the smile on Rachel’s face as she looked down at their daughter. No one had mentioned anything to him, but Jack had been worried about post-partum depression. He wanted Rachel to love Ava, even when he wasn’t there. Tom came over to join in the heckling, and Susie was handed Ava to burp after a while. The only thing missing, really, was Janet. As the time left counted down, goodbyes were said hurriedly and tearfully, and Jack got the tight, panicky feeling in his chest again. He pressed his fingers to his lips and then to the screen, and Rachel did the same.
“At least I’ll see you during the trial,” he said lightly.
“We’ll be down every weekend we can.” It was a promise, and Jack nodded.
“I’ll hurry home. I . . .”
“I know,” Rachel murmured. “I love you, too.”