The Real Entry
Well, the past few days have had their ups and down. I honestly don't really know how I got through them. Ok so lets start with the bad cause then the good sounds better right?
When I first went to visit my brother with all my family I almost broke down in the car because I didn't want to go in. I really didn't want to see my brother there. I really hate that place. I think its cause I have bad memories of having to see my mother there.
I have offically found out that my mother is having an affair with Andy. She called him her "friend with benfits". That was why I asked the question the other day. My family is falling apart. I hate this. And my mother seems to think that I will get a boyfriend at college and keeps asking me about one. I don't think I will ever tell her about one, if I get one. I honestly hate her. I hate that she kept watching me pack today, I hate that she can't control her drinking, I hate her and Andy, I hate that when she can't control something she yells at it, I hate that she thinks I want to share everything with her, I hate how she yells at my dad, I hate her! I hate how she thinks that I want to hear about her sexlife, I hate how she thinks she can control her drinking, I hate how she thinks I should go out and have sex with the first guy that will do it. She honestly thinks that. She basicly told me that too. And then tried to tell me what to have them do to me. I don't think she gets that I don't want to hear that. That I am not interested in that.
So there is that. And then I cried my whole way over here, to the hotel I am staying in. I don't want to go back to Elmira, but I don't want to stay here. I like it here in California, I honestly don't want to leave. I don't want to leave my brother or my dad. I am worried about them. I can't stop crying either. I don't want to leave Kat, I don't want to leave here. I want to stay here. I don't want to be grown up anymore! My dad offered to let me come home over Febuary break, but I can't. I have to run National History day. I wish I didn't. I wish I could go home.
I also figured out something about myself. I can't ever say any of this out loud. I have prolems with that. It makes it too real. To there infornt of me. I can write about it all I want. I can put it on here. But I don't trust people so much in person.
So, the good stuff. I saw Narnia with Kat last night. Or Friday as it might be. It was still good the thrid time. And then today we made cookies that sounded good, but then not so much in making them.
Peanut butter and chocolate, we ended up buring the chocolate.
So much powered sugar. So much I think it made us sick.
Gave up and needed it together with our hands. And it is the color of poo, that should have tipped us off to something was wrong.
Finished products. There is a cherry inside.
Picture of me eating one. I only had one before being too sick of the sweetness ot them.
So maybe that was not such a good thing to do. It was fun making them though.
Then we went to our old elementry school and swung on the swings. While thinking up LOTR themed lyrics to songs and then claiming guys. Fiction ones. I believe that we both get turns on all the thrones(of men) of Middle-earth. Go us! Then I had to go. We did the whole girly thing. I miss you Kat! I don't want to go! You need to visit! So badly!
So now I sit here, in the hotel room crying my eyes out cause I don't want to go and my family is kind of falling apart and I am scared about my dad and my brother.
Taken from urbancountess:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal/blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.
"They'd by the first thing I would check if I were searching." Meliara in Crown Duel.
When I first went to visit my brother with all my family I almost broke down in the car because I didn't want to go in. I really didn't want to see my brother there. I really hate that place. I think its cause I have bad memories of having to see my mother there.
I have offically found out that my mother is having an affair with Andy. She called him her "friend with benfits". That was why I asked the question the other day. My family is falling apart. I hate this. And my mother seems to think that I will get a boyfriend at college and keeps asking me about one. I don't think I will ever tell her about one, if I get one. I honestly hate her. I hate that she kept watching me pack today, I hate that she can't control her drinking, I hate her and Andy, I hate that when she can't control something she yells at it, I hate that she thinks I want to share everything with her, I hate how she yells at my dad, I hate her! I hate how she thinks that I want to hear about her sexlife, I hate how she thinks she can control her drinking, I hate how she thinks I should go out and have sex with the first guy that will do it. She honestly thinks that. She basicly told me that too. And then tried to tell me what to have them do to me. I don't think she gets that I don't want to hear that. That I am not interested in that.
So there is that. And then I cried my whole way over here, to the hotel I am staying in. I don't want to go back to Elmira, but I don't want to stay here. I like it here in California, I honestly don't want to leave. I don't want to leave my brother or my dad. I am worried about them. I can't stop crying either. I don't want to leave Kat, I don't want to leave here. I want to stay here. I don't want to be grown up anymore! My dad offered to let me come home over Febuary break, but I can't. I have to run National History day. I wish I didn't. I wish I could go home.
I also figured out something about myself. I can't ever say any of this out loud. I have prolems with that. It makes it too real. To there infornt of me. I can write about it all I want. I can put it on here. But I don't trust people so much in person.
So, the good stuff. I saw Narnia with Kat last night. Or Friday as it might be. It was still good the thrid time. And then today we made cookies that sounded good, but then not so much in making them.
Peanut butter and chocolate, we ended up buring the chocolate.
So much powered sugar. So much I think it made us sick.
Gave up and needed it together with our hands. And it is the color of poo, that should have tipped us off to something was wrong.
Finished products. There is a cherry inside.
Picture of me eating one. I only had one before being too sick of the sweetness ot them.
So maybe that was not such a good thing to do. It was fun making them though.
Then we went to our old elementry school and swung on the swings. While thinking up LOTR themed lyrics to songs and then claiming guys. Fiction ones. I believe that we both get turns on all the thrones(of men) of Middle-earth. Go us! Then I had to go. We did the whole girly thing. I miss you Kat! I don't want to go! You need to visit! So badly!
So now I sit here, in the hotel room crying my eyes out cause I don't want to go and my family is kind of falling apart and I am scared about my dad and my brother.
Taken from urbancountess:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal/blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t search around and look for the “coolest” book you can find. Do what’s actually next to you.
"They'd by the first thing I would check if I were searching." Meliara in Crown Duel.