Empty
I'm so empty inside. I'm a walking dead person. I've never felt like this, not even four years ago. I'm still in shock and I don't know what to do. This is going to be the worst month of my life. Yesterday, 5/6 is officially the worst day of my life. I know it's not all on me, it's not all my fault. But I can't help spending every moment blaming myself and wondering what I could have done differently. If it's possible, if I'm given a chance, just a chance, I can be different. I can do it. People can learn and change and be better. I feel so helpless right now, out of control.
I'm glad I'm at work because it gives me stuff to do but I also wish I was at home so I could just lie in bed and never get up again. I have no appetite. I've lost interest in all my hobbies. Everything. And all in less than 24 hours. I sound so freakin' emo that I hate myself and my weakness and that statement itself is emo. Enough. Enough.
I'm glad I'm at work because it gives me stuff to do but I also wish I was at home so I could just lie in bed and never get up again. I have no appetite. I've lost interest in all my hobbies. Everything. And all in less than 24 hours. I sound so freakin' emo that I hate myself and my weakness and that statement itself is emo. Enough. Enough.