Prayers for the Future
The end of Mai has already come. This winter seemed aching and slow, but the spring was so swift on its heels that my head spins to watch it turn away. So much that I'd hoped for, granted. And so much too that I'd longed for and still yet find out of reach. It is the way for mortals, let us never have so much of our desires that we forget what to reach for. For so long, I wasted all my yearning outside of myself. I know better now. And yet in its way, my selfishness has taught me how to be who I'd always hoped to be. In embracing it, doubt has a lighter hold on me, and so I too lift wings towards the sun.
Mai, and so in a few weeks time the twins will find themselves three years of age. How big they seem to me, like foreign beings. Perhaps they become so. It will not be so many years more that they no longer come running to my skirts for affection or to hide from the world. What will it hold for them? Nothing I hope, that I cannot teach them to handle. I never mused overly much on becoming a mother. It did not seem likely. And the moments I did allow myself such dreams, it was never Princes I imagined bringing into this world.
Betimes I wonder if we have enough princes, as it is.
And I wonder too, on where I am going. On how much of what was in my hands was my future, and how much merely steps on the way there, fading on the winds. Does Elua have my answer? And if not...can I find it elsewhere?
Mai, and so in a few weeks time the twins will find themselves three years of age. How big they seem to me, like foreign beings. Perhaps they become so. It will not be so many years more that they no longer come running to my skirts for affection or to hide from the world. What will it hold for them? Nothing I hope, that I cannot teach them to handle. I never mused overly much on becoming a mother. It did not seem likely. And the moments I did allow myself such dreams, it was never Princes I imagined bringing into this world.
Betimes I wonder if we have enough princes, as it is.
And I wonder too, on where I am going. On how much of what was in my hands was my future, and how much merely steps on the way there, fading on the winds. Does Elua have my answer? And if not...can I find it elsewhere?