woot..bermuda shorts
i tried to buy burmuda shorts today. i failed. my legs are just too short to properly wear said shorts...instead, they turn into capris. and the pair that DID look like actual burmuda shorts on me were too small in the hips and waist...damn. one more thing to top off a largely unhappy day.
yes. i am about to complain about my day. because sometimes, i need to do that... whether people read this or not, i will write it. first of all, i have not had the chance to work out in three days. and i feel like a million pounds. like a beached whale, like a tank on dry land..most of all like a failure, because that's how i feel when i feel fat. fat is an emotion, it is like sadness and fear and unhappiness and self-conciousness all rolled into one. i feel like i've hit a brick wall, like i'm stuck in soggy caramel, like nothing is moving forward (when really my world is moving forward faster than i would like it to) because i'm stuck where i was always. my sophomore year i spent fucking up. my junior year i spent mending, but still fucking up. my senior year? not off to a great start. i am not being reborn with the spring, like i felt last year... i feel like i'm out of luck, end of the line, out of friends.
I wonder if it's a conincidence that the only time i was without drama was when i was between friends. not part of one group, not part of another...just me. goes to show you what effect i have on people. and now, i begin to think that old wounds will never heal, as long as there are friends to cut them open again. yes, i have a boyfriend. yes, i'm mostly extremely socially retarded. i never know what to say, becase i'm too afraid that i'll say the wrong thing... forgive me, i haven't had a best friend in two years. i try. i have the best of intentions. but as always, they go wrong.
I would apologize if i knew what i did wrong. i understand, i am annoying and i have no eloquence or sense of other people, and i get that would suck. sometimes i wonder why i even am blessed with friends at all. if i'm better off alone, then maybe i should take the hint..and stay that way
yes. i am about to complain about my day. because sometimes, i need to do that... whether people read this or not, i will write it. first of all, i have not had the chance to work out in three days. and i feel like a million pounds. like a beached whale, like a tank on dry land..most of all like a failure, because that's how i feel when i feel fat. fat is an emotion, it is like sadness and fear and unhappiness and self-conciousness all rolled into one. i feel like i've hit a brick wall, like i'm stuck in soggy caramel, like nothing is moving forward (when really my world is moving forward faster than i would like it to) because i'm stuck where i was always. my sophomore year i spent fucking up. my junior year i spent mending, but still fucking up. my senior year? not off to a great start. i am not being reborn with the spring, like i felt last year... i feel like i'm out of luck, end of the line, out of friends.
I wonder if it's a conincidence that the only time i was without drama was when i was between friends. not part of one group, not part of another...just me. goes to show you what effect i have on people. and now, i begin to think that old wounds will never heal, as long as there are friends to cut them open again. yes, i have a boyfriend. yes, i'm mostly extremely socially retarded. i never know what to say, becase i'm too afraid that i'll say the wrong thing... forgive me, i haven't had a best friend in two years. i try. i have the best of intentions. but as always, they go wrong.
I would apologize if i knew what i did wrong. i understand, i am annoying and i have no eloquence or sense of other people, and i get that would suck. sometimes i wonder why i even am blessed with friends at all. if i'm better off alone, then maybe i should take the hint..and stay that way