Mercurial

[lareenis]

mercury has one of the most amazing properties.
if spilled it can slip through the cracks.
that's how i'm feeling right now.
i feel like i'm falling through the cracks.
the cracks of what?
i don't know.
some of my friends are really stressing me out.
and i just wanna be like...
hey! i got my own shit to deal with.
but i can't do that.
a friend isn't a friend only when it's convienent.
i just need to relax.
and find my place again.
wherever that is.
i feel like i've lost my footing.
and i'm just awaiting the fall.
the well anticipated fall.
is there something wrong with me?
i really don't understand my problem.
it's more environmental.
than personal.
i can't keep being antisocial.
sitting alone in my room isn't cool.
or fun.
especially when i'm not doing anything.
i bet most of my friends can't even tell.
that's one of my best characteristics.
my ability to conceal the truth.
especially about myself.
i think most of my friends would say i'm happy.
i'm really not happy.
well sometimes i am.
but only for short-lived periods.
when i'm actually being social.
lately i feel like i'm standing on the outside.
a ssfc loner.
everyone else is together.
all the time.
hanging out.
having fun.
and me.
i'm sitting alone in my room.
or hanging out with a different crowd.
i like the new crowd though.
they're not so fucking demanding of me.
in terms of expectations that i owe them.
sometimes i wonder...
if this is all just in my head.
and maybe the problem is me.
maybe i'm feeling disengaged.
and they're just reacting to me.
well the change in my state of mind.
am i crazy?
i think i'm going crazy.