There's a storm raging (and no place to hide)
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Title: There's a storm raging (and no place to hide)
Characters: Jenson Button, Nico Rosberg
Rating: Blue Flag
Summary: Jenson has one regret. One with a very round bottom. (Set in 2013)
Disclaimer: None of it is real. All imaginary. Fiction.
A/N: Written for an ask on Tumblr, beta-d by the lovely mistress_shiny.
Jenson has matured a lot since he started racing in Formula One. He still enjoys himself, but he’s no longer the playboy he was back then. He’ll be the first to admit shagging most of the grid had been nothing but enjoyable, though perhaps a little too easy. But he grew up and started dating Jessica, leaving no regrets behind. No regrets except but one: Nico Rosberg.
Nico who is, according to Jenson, the most perfect man in Formula One, at a very minimum. Nico is the pinnacle of what all men should be, of what Jenson wishes he was. Fierce but friendly. Polished but cool. Intelligent but down-to-earth. Political but not devious. He’s all those things topped up with a round bottom wrapped so tightly in his race suit it’s almost obscene.
“Jenson?”
Jenson looks away from the Mercedes garage and up at Mikey who is patiently waiting next to him. “Hm?”
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go,” he says with a last look at that perfect arse.
He’s kept busy for most of the day and it’s not until he’s back in his room, alone (Jessie couldn’t make the race), that he lets his thoughts wander back to Nico. It’s not like he had never tried. He had actually put more effort into bedding Nico than he had anyone else. DC, Jake, Seb and Lewis had all been won over with a few winks, smiles and touches. Mark had asked for dinner, but that had been about the biggest effort he had been required to make. Nico just smiled and ignored him every time. Yes, Nico Rosberg is his one regret, his unattainable conquest. He grabs his phone and finds Nico in his contacts.
Wanna come to my room and hang out?
It’s fairly direct, but it’s the one tactic he hadn’t tried.
Sorry JB, need my beauty sleep ;)
Jenson looks down at his phone and frowns. Always can’t last forever. He puts the phone away, ignoring the small emptiness clawing at his chest and lets his hand slide in his pyjama bottoms, letting his thoughts drift to the images of Nico’s arse on full display in his race suit and grunts as he wonders whether Nico does it on purpose, flaunting it around the way he does.
He tries again at the next race, cornering Nico in the paddock. “Drinks after the race?”
Nico smiles at him, the kind that makes Jenson feel like a peasant in Nico’s presence. “Already got plans, some other time maybe,” he says before slipping away from Jenson, his hips swinging as he walks away.
“What’s wrong?” Jessie asks on the flight back. “You haven’t said a word since we got on board.”
Jenson looks at her, feeling guilty for ignoring her, but really not in the mood to talk. The wheels in his head are still turning, trying to figure out a way to get through to Nico. “Just tired from the weekend,” he says, squeezing her hand reassuringly before he closes his eyes so he can think in peace.
They have a fight that week. She knows him too well to believe nothing’s wrong and calls him out on it. He ends up telling her about Nico. He doesn’t think too much of it, Jessie knows about his past dalliances. Although, those were before Jess and him were serious. They’d since found a rhythm that worked and he hadn’t needed, or wanted, to find other company. But Nico. Nico was like an itch he couldn’t scratch and that itch was becoming a gnawing, clawing ache.
“You love him?” she asks, arms crossed.
“No!” Jenson blurts out. “”No, I don’t. It’d just be sex, a one-time thing.”
She gives him a look that would make him beg on his knees if she asked, but she doesn’t. “One time Jense,” she says holding up a finger. “That’s it. One time. And if I ever have a request like yours, you don’t get to say no.”
As much as he hates the thought of Jessie with someone else, Jenson has no right to argue with her, not after what he just asked, so he agrees to her terms. “Okay.”
“Okay,” she repeats before grabbing the handle of her suitcase and gives him a quick peck on the cheek as she walks past him.
Jenson looks at his watch. “Your flight isn’t for another four hours.”
“I’ll wait in the lounge,” she says and leaves without another look in his direction.
Jenson watches from his seat at the bar. It makes him happy to see Nico so blissful. The Monaco race winner is enjoying a well-deserved party and Jenson can’t help but wish he’ll eventually get to add a few more victories to his own tally. After a while and several exchanged glances, Nico make his way over to him. His cheeks are red from the heat, the dancing and the drinking.
Nico gives him a smug look. “You’ve been watching me.”
“What if I have?” he answers nonchalantly, glad that Nico finally noticed.
Nico smiles at the admission. “Want to dance?” he asks as he places his body within the gap of Jenson’s legs. As much as Jenson would love to gyrate against Nico, he feels somewhat too old for that, not to mention they are surrounded by people and cameras.
“How about some fresh air instead?” he counters. Nico nods and leads the way out, navigating around the building until they end up at the rooftop pool with a view of the sea.
“This is nice,” Jenson comments as he takes off his shoes and socks then dips his feet in the pool. Nico sits next to him and follows his lead, splashing the water gently with his feet.
“Yeah, the view in Monaco is always great,” Nico says as he stares into the distance.
Jenson puts a hand of Nico’s thigh. “I didn’t mean the view.”
Nico turns to him and smiles, not reacting to the hand on his leg. “I know,” he says before pulling his shirt off and getting up.
“What are you doing?” Jenson asks with apprehension, though he has an idea of what’s coming next.
“Swimming!” Nico says as he pushes his trousers down and to the side and jumps head first into the pool. “No one is going to say anything, come on!” Nico calls out when he surfaces, floating on his back and looking up at the sky.
Jenson takes a look around, and they’re still alone, so he undresses to his boxers and canons into the pool. They swim and float around in silence for a bit until he decides it’s now or never. He swims up to Nico until they’re treading water just inches apart. Nico looks handsome like this, water drops catching the little bit of light surrounding them, making his eyelashes stick together. He’s still flushed from the club and he looks so young and vibrant.
He leans in a bit, then hesitates. It’s not like him to be so cautious. It’s actually quite unlike him as Mark, David, and well most anyone would attest to. He has groped, French kissed, and even (though he’d like to forget that one) dry humped drivers unceremoniously, in highly inappropriate places before. When his gaze flashes up from Nico’s lips to his eyes, Nico is simply watching him with an inviting look. It reassures him so he leans in all the way for a kiss, pressing his mouth to Nico’s. Jenson gets so lost in the kiss that he forgets to swim and he breaks contact when he starts to sink in the water. Nico is quick to support him by an arm while he regains his senses, but as soon as he does, Nico lets out a laugh and pushes down on his shoulders with all his weight, sending him underwater. They wrestle back and forth in the pool, pushing, shoving and splashing, laughing together.
Unfortunately, when Nico’s phone rings, he swims back to his clothes to answer. “It’s Lewis,” he says when he hangs up. “Toto’s looking for me.”
Jenson gives him a nod from the water and watches as Nico gets dressed in a hurry and leaves with a quick wave of his hand.
Canada and the British Grand Prix are disastrous for him, both from a racing perspective, and from a getting closer to having Nico perspective. Nico acknowledges him in public but Jenson knows Nico is avoiding him.
Things change in Hungary. Nico retires from the race with an engine failure and Jenson can see how disappointed he looks when they cross paths in the paddock. He goes to him that evening, knocking on his door without thinking it through. Nico opens the door an inch. “What?” he asks.
“Let me in.”
“Go away Jenson,” Nico says and closes the door.
Jenson knocks again, harder this time.
“What?” Nico answers, annoyed.
“Let me in, please,” Jenson says, and Nico gives him a stern look but opens the door anyways.
“I don’t need your pity,” he says before Jenson can even open his mouth to speak.
Jenson curves his hand around the back of Nico neck and pulls their foreheads together. “I didn’t come here to give you pity Britney. I thought I might be able to distract you.” He doesn’t wait for an answer this time and catches Nico’s lips with his own, parting them with the tip of his tongue. When Nico doesn’t pull away, he cups his cheek with his free hand, afraid of losing him, of breaking contact like he did in Monaco. They keep kissing, just kissing, and Nico hums softly against his mouth.
“Jenson,” he whispers, corner of his mouth forming a smile between kisses, “I need to breathe.”
Jenson gives Nico one more peck on the lips before pulling away to look at the other man, and his breath catches in his throat. He’s lusted after Nico for so long, wanting to claim that body as his, but he’s never seen him like this. Jenson is used to seeing Nico’s haughty smirk, his unimpressed glares. He’s not used to this, to Nico looking so vulnerable. He strokes Nico’s cheek with his thumb, tracing the smooth skin along his jaw.
“You really are beautiful,” he says, even if he knows Nico might not understand, that he might think he’s being mocked. But he has no other words for it, Nico is the most beautiful man he’s ever met. Nico opens his mouth to protest, but Jenson kisses him again, desperate to show just how much he wants and needs him. He trails wet kisses down Nico’s neck, sucking at the exposed skin. Nico lets out quiet hums and wraps a hand in Jenson’s hair.
“Jenson…” he moans as he cups Jenson’s face.
Jenson keeps kissing Nico and wraps his arms around him, his fingers digging in, forcing them close, so close he becomes urgently aware of his growing erection. He does quick work of Nico’s belt before fumbling with his jeans zipper.
“Jenson,” Nico repeats, louder this time, clearer.
“Hmm?” Jenson asks as he brings his mouth back to Nico’s.
“Stop. Please,” Nico says, and Jenson can’t believe what he’s hearing. His hands still, dropping by his side and he frowns at Nico, trying to figure out where he went wrong, what he misread. Nico takes one of his hands and entwines their fingers. “I want this. I do,” Nico says with a sad smile. “Just…not tonight.” He looks down at the ground before looking up sheepishly at Jenson. “I’m sorry.”
Jenson lets go of the breath he’s holding. He wants Nico, but he has already waited this long. He can wait a little longer. Nico is worth the wait. “Okay,” he says and pecks Nico on the cheek. “We can just sleep,” he says, more a question than a statement, “If you want”. He doesn’t want to pressure Nico, doesn’t want to ruin everything he’s built up to.
“Yeah, I would like that.”
Jenson has trouble falling asleep, his mind busy fretting over the situation he’s found himself in. He’s used to sleeping with people, but he’s not used to actually sleeping with people. He had made it a rule never to stay overnight. It avoided complications and awkward moments. He had broken that rule with Jessica of course, but they had already been together for months then. Yet here he is again, making an exception with Nico, listening as the younger man’s breathing slows and he settles into sleep. Jenson opens his eyes and turns gently to face Nico, watching him sleep, his face peaceful, happy.
He smiles to himself. “Good night Nico,” he whispers, barely audible, and resists the urge to tuck away a strand of stray hair on Nico’s forehead.
When he wakes in the morning, Jenson slips from the bed carefully, wanting to leave unnoticed. He has an early flight to catch, plus, he would rather no one notice where he spent the night. He has his hand on the door handle when he stops and looks over his shoulder at the sleeping form sprawled under the white duvet, the curve of his arse still visible, still tempting. He’s not sure what prompts him to do it, and he spends his whole flight back worrying over it, but he leaves a note by Nico’s phone. Had a flight to catch. x
Worrying had been needless since as soon as he turns his phone back on, there’s a message from Nico, thanking him and asking if he’d be alone in Spa. Jenson’s not sure what to answer really. Jessica has been distant since their talk, but then again they have very different schedules. Jessie has her life, and it’s good that way, he’s never felt she’s demanded more of him that he’s been able to give. Racing is like that sometimes. He knows she’s booked solid for the next few weeks, so it’s doubtful that she’ll make the races. It’s okay though, it’ll give him a chance to get closer to Nico.
Jenson spends the next race weekend sneaking off with Nico and while previously that would have meant quickies against tyre stacks or handjobs between practice sessions, it’s not the case now. Now he’s running in the woods around the Spa circuit, trying to avoid the sea of fans after the autograph sessions, pulling Nico by the hand as they zig-zag between trees until they drop to the ground and hide behind a fallen log, Nico’s body pressed against his while they try to silence their giggles. He has no idea where he is, or if anyone was actually following them, but he hasn’t had this much fun in a long time and he’s happy just staying hidden in the forest a bit longer.
When he absently watches a movie in his room the next evening, Nico asleep next to him, head resting on his shoulder, Jenson realises that there’s more to the man than a perfect arse. There are the things he knew, like how smart Nico is, having a passionate opinion about almost any topic that gets brought up. Then there are things that Jenson never knew, things he had picked up on while spending time with Nico. How terrified Nico is of disappointing his father. How he misses his friendship with Lewis, despite never letting it show in front of the cameras. How he’s never sure exactly how to define himself because he’s German and Finnish and Monegasque, but at the same time he’s none of those. Jenson rests his head on Nico’s, glad to have gotten to know Nico better, just content to be here with him.
Monza is just another adventure. First, Jenson gets them lost looking for the best cassoeula in Monza because that’s what Nico is craving. When they finally find it, Jenson insists on ordering for both of them, even if he stumbles with his Italian so much that he has Nico reduced to tears from laughing so much. His order is not quite what he expected, which he can only blame his bad pronunciation for, so Nico ends up sharing his dish with him as a thank you for the entertainment. Then there’s the drivers’ parade. He takes a spot next to Nico, leaning backwards against the railing while the younger man talks to a bunch of rookies. Nico’s fingers brush his wrist as he talks animatedly, and it’s enough to make Jenson forget that they’re not alone, his focus completely on Nico. He doesn’t even realise he’s been staring until Max nudges his foot and repeats a question. Jenson tries to hide his reaction with a joke, but it takes him the rest of the parade to push aside the faint flush on his cheeks and the odd feeling it has left him with, falling silent as he waves to the fans while they go around the circuit.
He catches up with Jessica before turning in for the night. The phone call is quick, she’s off on a trip overseas, but she tells him she has a surprise for him when they meet up after the weekend. Jenson says good night and heads over to Nico’s room. Lately hotel rooms seem too large and Nico always seems happy to let him spend the night. He still has the one-time pass from Jessie, but Nico continues to stop him at kisses. Jenson still longs for Nico’s touch and wants to feel and taste every inch of him, but there’s an ease about the wait. He doesn’t mind just laying next to his friend. It feels right and he’s happy just holding Nico in his arms while they fall asleep, Nico’s face nuzzled in the crook of his neck.
Coming home after the weekend feels nice. Jess tells him about the house she bought for them in Hawaii, the one they’d talk about for months. They do yoga by the ocean, and Jenson finds a rhythm with her again as they breathe and move in sync, one that he’d let slip away lately. He’s known her for so long, she’s his best friend, and sometimes he forgets just how much he needs her, how much he relies on her support, on her understanding. He thanks her for it, promising to make the most of the winter when the racing season is over.
Singapore starts just like any recent race weekend, hanging out with Nico, sneaking off to try some local food away from crowds, getting a run in before spending hours just lazying around one of their hotel rooms. So Jenson can hardly hide his surprise when Nico starts kissing his way down his chest as they lay in bed. He doesn’t say a word but pushes the blankets away and runs his fingers through Nico’s hair. This is it, his one-time.
Nico keeps going down, pressing light kisses just above the waistband of his underwear and on the sensitive skin on his sides, sending shivers through his body. Jenson doesn’t dare move, still stunned at Nico’s sudden initiative, until Nico tugs at his boxers. He lifts his hips while Nico pulls them off, and he tugs at his hardening cock, suddenly very aware that he’s never actually been naked with Nico. He feels self-conscious next to Nico’s younger and tighter body, but Nico doesn’t even show a hint of dissatisfaction, opting instead to wrap a hand around Jenson’s cock and take all of it in his mouth. Jenson moans as soon as he feels the wet heat around him and his grip tightens on Nico’s hair.
“Fuck,” he says, voice strained, and refrains himself from thrusting hard into Nico’s mouth. Not that it’s easy with Nico happily humming around his cock, tongue licking his length and head while he sucks him. He pulls at Nico’s shoulder, guiding him upwards and back to eye level.
“Everything okay?” Nico asks with concern on his face and Jenson can’t help the chuckle that escapes his lips.
“You’re kidding, right?” He says and grabs Nico’s face with both hands before kissing him. “You’re something else,” he says and rolls Nico on his back, taking his time to look at him as he runs his thumb along Nico’s lips and jaw line then dips in for another kiss. He explores Nico’s body for the first time, feeling every inch of him with his hands, tasting the soft skin with his lips, tracing curves with his tongue. Jenson loves that Nico is giving himself openly, tossing his head back and encouraging him along with a chorus of satisfied noises. It’s even better than what his imagination had come up with. He loves how Nico’s skin raises into goosebumps under his touch, how his stomach sinks in with every sharp breath intake. He loves how Nico squirms and grasps at the bedsheets as the kisses get lower and lower.
Jenson mouths at Nico’s cock through his underwear, smiling at its hardness and the way it pulses in anticipation. He sits up and straddles Nico’s legs, fingers teasing at the edge of his boxers. Nico opens his eyes and runs his hands up and down Jenson’s thighs. “Don’t stop,” he says, cheeks already flushed.
If Nico had said that just a few months ago, Jenson would have pounced on him immediately. Tonight though, he doesn’t want to rush, he wants this to last. He wants to feel Nico in his arms while he kisses him, wants to look into his eyes and see him smile when he enters him. “Patience,” Jenson says when he leans forward and kisses Nico, slow and deliberate, savouring every second their mouths touch. He lets out a chuckle when Nico grinds against him. He digs his teeth in Nico’s shoulder enough to create a dull pain but not enough to mark, then kisses his way back to Nico’s mouth. “I said patience.”
Nico whines in response, but settles under Jenson, caressing his head, his back, his arse, and every other part he can reach. Jenson runs a hand through Nico’s hair and they stare at each other, a smirk on their faces. “Can’t believe we’re here,” Jenson says, amazed at how this has come to be.
“I can,” Nico answers with a depth in his eyes. “I want you in me. I want to feel you, all of you,” he says with an ease that takes Jenson aback.
Jenson doesn’t know how to answer. Yes. Of course yes. He presses his lips to Nico’s once more before removing his boxers and helping Nico out of his. Nico puts a pillow underneath him and spreads his thighs wide for him. Jenson nips at Nico’s cock with his lips then closes his eyes as he takes him deep in his mouth, reveling in the warmth and fullness he feels. He’s given head before, but never has he enjoyed having a cock in his mouth as much as he does now. It’s different this time. Every hum and moan from Nico goes straight to his groin, but also to his chest. It makes him smile to bring Nico that kind of pleasure, to be the one to make him happy.
Before Nico gets too far, Jenson brings his fingers to his mouth to slick them up and presses them inside Nico one at a time, kissing thighs and knees and stomach as he relaxes Nico into taking a few fingers at once. He grabs a condom from his wallet on the night table and slips it on. “You okay?” he asks Nico, giving him a peck on the nose. Nico bites his bottom lip and nods at him, hair falling messily on his forehead.
He takes his time entering Nico, pushing in and out of him gently until he can move all the way in. He leans on top of Nico then, wanting to be as close as he can to him, holding him in his arms as he slowly thrust inside him. They lock eyes, their faces so close they’re breathing the same air, their bodies pressed against one another. He doesn’t know how long they stay like this, looking at each other, kissing each other, holding and grabbing. He forgets where he ends and where Nico begins, but it doesn’t matter. He’d stay like this forever if he could, tangled in this embrace. It can’t last though, not when Nico feels so tight around him, not when Nico kisses him like he’s the most desirable thing in the universe. He’s left breathless and drained when he comes, slumping against Nico while the man brings himself over the edge a minute later.
He rolls off Nico and tosses the condom in the trash before spooning against Nico and pressing kisses on his shoulder blades. He feels Nico relax against him, drifting off to sleep. Jenson stares at the head of blond hair next to him. Nico’s breath is slow and even, but Jenson can tell he’s still awake, even if just barely. He’d like to fall asleep with him, his chest pressed against Nico’s warm back and his face nuzzled in the blond hair, but the question keeps him awake. “Why now?”
Nico makes a little noise, letting Jenson know he heard the question. The answer takes a few seconds to arrive, Nico probably pondering what to say. “I needed to be sure,” he says simply, his back to Jenson.
“Sure? Sure of what?” Jenson replies, his hand tracing the vast expanse of Nico’s chiseled back.
“That I wouldn’t be just another victory. That there was more to it.” Nico turns around and looks at him with a romantic air. There’s something so pure and innocent about it.
Dread flows over Jenson. This isn’t how things are supposed to be. Him and Nico, they’re friends. The sex, it’s a one-off, something he needed to get out of his system before settling down with Jessica. A part of him yells, screams, at him that it’s what he wants, what he wanted all along, but it frightens him and he pushes it away. “Look Nico, this was great. You, you were great. Incredible even,” Jenson explains, trying to be as gentle with his words as he can, “but this, this doesn’t come with more.” He expects Nico to be offended, to be sad or angry, but he only smiles and looks at him with a bit of amusement.
“Do you always lie to yourself?” he asks as he cups Jenson’s face and runs his thumb over the scruffy cheek. Jenson tenses under Nico’s touch. His lip quivers as a flood of emotions threatens to drown him. He closes his eyes, squeezes them shut, trying to suppress the need to wrap his arms around Nico and let himself fall apart and come undone.
“Tell me, look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me.” Jenson slowly opens his eyes and the way Nico looks at him is making him squirm inside and doubt everything. There’s no worry in his face, no uncertainty. Jenson wonders how he can be so sure about it and about them. He folds his hands together, trying to stop the tremble, trying to calm the storm raging inside his chest.
“I don’t,” Jenson says, his eyes locked into Nico’s. It’s a lie. Of course it’s a lie. He knows it and he knows Nico knows it too, but what else is he supposed to do? He has Jessica, they have something good. He can’t let that go. He’s not ready to let it go. And even if he was, even if he did leave her, if he admitted to himself that maybe he lo-. Jenson curls in his hands into fists, taking a deep breath. Even if he loved Nico more, if he allowed himself to dream of a future with him, their world wouldn’t be ready to accept the truth.
“Don’t what?” Nico whispers, still calm and smiling as he caresses Jenson’s hair.
“I don’t… I…love you…I can’t,” Jenson says looking away, “I’m sorry,” and he truly is. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Nico.
“So am I,” Nico murmurs before getting out of bed and getting dressed, “I thought you were ready.” He gives him a sad look which Jenson can only assume is pity.
“For what?” he asks.
“For me. For love.” Nico grabs his jacket and tosses it over his shoulder, leaving without a second look.
***
Nico feels restless so he wanders over to the track. He stumbles across the Red Bull and Lotus teams in the middle of some shenanigans. He watches on the other side of a fence, his fingers wrapped around the metal links, and witnesses the loveliest marriage proposal. He smiles to himself at the beauty of it. It makes him hopeful that he’ll have his own ever after someday, no matter how long the wait is, because love is worth waiting for.
.