In a year or so I moved to the city, thinkin' "what have I got to lose?"
And the changes continue. I'm sitting on my bed in my room. In San Francisco. I mean, in a lot of ways, I'm pretty excited to be able to say that. I'm pretty proud of myself for moving out of Alameda. But then sometimes I get this lump in the back of my throat. It's scary. It's scary living with three people I hardly know. Two people I don't know AT ALL. Living in a place I don't know. I lived in Alameda for 21 years. I know it like the back of my hand. And up until three months ago, my mom was 5 minutes away. It was comfortable. It was nice. It was time for a change. But it's still scary.
So, I live in chaos. I'm comfortable in chaos, in mess, I LIKE it. Weird right? Or maybe not. I don't know, but in any case it's true. I'm not an inherently messy person, I don't leave mess in my wake wherever I go. If I stay at your house I will not make a mess. And I can clean a kitchen or a bathroom like nobody's business, I just don't if it's my own. I think it's mostly because I feel like there is so much else to do. Maybe if I was bored I would clean, but I don't think I've been bored since 2007 and that's the truth. Even if by some chance my day isn't ridiculously over scheduled, there is ALWAYS something better to do than clean. I mean give a girl a book and a coffee shop and there goes tuesday. I know, I know, the point is that you make time to clean, you put down the book for a couple of hours and wash the dishes. Well, ok. Maybe YOU do, but I certainly don't. And all of this is really just silliness because yes, I am comfortable in a mess, I don't like it when things are ultra spic and span, but I also know that I used to get back problems when my apartment got to be ridiculous, that the messiness would manifest itself in poor sleeping habits and back pain, which HELLO, how ridiculous do you have to be to not just CLEAN THE PLACE right? I mean I guess I'm just pretty ridiculous. This isn't really news. I also know that there is some part of me that thinks that if I have a clean apartment then I'm not really living. Crazy right? Like if I make time to clean, I am automatically some sad housewife, and oh em gee I would just DIE if THAT were true! I definitely think that a lot of this stems from the mentality my mom had towards anything house-work related when I was growing up, which was basically, "clean your room, but if you get a better offer, go for it." And don't get me wrong, I am the self-assured, adventurous person I am today because of her and because of that, because she was always pushing me to go out, to do more, to see new things, to be in new places AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. But also, as a result, I don't give a flying fuck about the dishes.
The following has nothing to do with the above post.... I just wrote it the same day and didn't feel like making a separate entry:
Hair. Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair. It's taught me some things. First, this is, one hundred percent, no question, hands down, a j-o-b. Which is what I have always feared it becoming. But the second thing this show has really shown me is that that's ok. That sometimes I don't want to go to the theatre, that I am here to get this done and THAT'S the priority, this isn't just hanging out with my friends, sometimes it's not hanging out with my friends at all. Sometimes I want my friends to go the hell away when I'm working. The other thing I've learned is that I'm not going to be friends with everyone and I don't need to try to be. I'm not going to meet someone every show that changes my life. And if I AM going to meet someone like that, it's just going to happen, I don't need to put myself out there so much. Not to say that this cast isn't lovely and that I don't like them, I do. I like pretty much everyone I think, but I'm sort of friends with who I was friends with before. Plus Melinda, lol. This all feels a little cynical, and well, I think it sort of is, but I'm very much just trying to do this show and go onto the next one. And I know I won't feel like that all the time, but I have literally been doing shows nonstop for two years. There has not been a point in the past two years when I wasn't in rehearsals and/or performances for SOMETHING. Two years is not a long time, relatively, but holy jesus, I need a lil break. And yes, ok, I've taken trips, I've had little breaks now and then, but it was always there, waiting when I came back. Anyway, I don't know when I'll get my break, maybe January depending on when Sugar Witch starts, maybe not til Summer, and maybe not at all. In any case, things will significantly slow down once Tommy opens next month. But not for long, never for long, and thank god for that. :)
Speaking of, here's the breakdown boys and girls:
Hair- ACLO: Runs til Sept. 27 aclo.com
Tommy- Ray of Light: Oct. 16-Nov. 7 tommysf.com
Nutcracker- Alameda Civic Ballet: Dec. 19 & 20 alamedaballet.com
Wizard of Oz- Musical Theatre Works: Jan. 15-17 musicaltheatreworks.org
Sugar Witch- New Conservatory: Feb. 26-Apr. 4 nctcsf.org
So, I live in chaos. I'm comfortable in chaos, in mess, I LIKE it. Weird right? Or maybe not. I don't know, but in any case it's true. I'm not an inherently messy person, I don't leave mess in my wake wherever I go. If I stay at your house I will not make a mess. And I can clean a kitchen or a bathroom like nobody's business, I just don't if it's my own. I think it's mostly because I feel like there is so much else to do. Maybe if I was bored I would clean, but I don't think I've been bored since 2007 and that's the truth. Even if by some chance my day isn't ridiculously over scheduled, there is ALWAYS something better to do than clean. I mean give a girl a book and a coffee shop and there goes tuesday. I know, I know, the point is that you make time to clean, you put down the book for a couple of hours and wash the dishes. Well, ok. Maybe YOU do, but I certainly don't. And all of this is really just silliness because yes, I am comfortable in a mess, I don't like it when things are ultra spic and span, but I also know that I used to get back problems when my apartment got to be ridiculous, that the messiness would manifest itself in poor sleeping habits and back pain, which HELLO, how ridiculous do you have to be to not just CLEAN THE PLACE right? I mean I guess I'm just pretty ridiculous. This isn't really news. I also know that there is some part of me that thinks that if I have a clean apartment then I'm not really living. Crazy right? Like if I make time to clean, I am automatically some sad housewife, and oh em gee I would just DIE if THAT were true! I definitely think that a lot of this stems from the mentality my mom had towards anything house-work related when I was growing up, which was basically, "clean your room, but if you get a better offer, go for it." And don't get me wrong, I am the self-assured, adventurous person I am today because of her and because of that, because she was always pushing me to go out, to do more, to see new things, to be in new places AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. But also, as a result, I don't give a flying fuck about the dishes.
The following has nothing to do with the above post.... I just wrote it the same day and didn't feel like making a separate entry:
Hair. Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair. It's taught me some things. First, this is, one hundred percent, no question, hands down, a j-o-b. Which is what I have always feared it becoming. But the second thing this show has really shown me is that that's ok. That sometimes I don't want to go to the theatre, that I am here to get this done and THAT'S the priority, this isn't just hanging out with my friends, sometimes it's not hanging out with my friends at all. Sometimes I want my friends to go the hell away when I'm working. The other thing I've learned is that I'm not going to be friends with everyone and I don't need to try to be. I'm not going to meet someone every show that changes my life. And if I AM going to meet someone like that, it's just going to happen, I don't need to put myself out there so much. Not to say that this cast isn't lovely and that I don't like them, I do. I like pretty much everyone I think, but I'm sort of friends with who I was friends with before. Plus Melinda, lol. This all feels a little cynical, and well, I think it sort of is, but I'm very much just trying to do this show and go onto the next one. And I know I won't feel like that all the time, but I have literally been doing shows nonstop for two years. There has not been a point in the past two years when I wasn't in rehearsals and/or performances for SOMETHING. Two years is not a long time, relatively, but holy jesus, I need a lil break. And yes, ok, I've taken trips, I've had little breaks now and then, but it was always there, waiting when I came back. Anyway, I don't know when I'll get my break, maybe January depending on when Sugar Witch starts, maybe not til Summer, and maybe not at all. In any case, things will significantly slow down once Tommy opens next month. But not for long, never for long, and thank god for that. :)
Speaking of, here's the breakdown boys and girls:
Hair- ACLO: Runs til Sept. 27 aclo.com
Tommy- Ray of Light: Oct. 16-Nov. 7 tommysf.com
Nutcracker- Alameda Civic Ballet: Dec. 19 & 20 alamedaballet.com
Wizard of Oz- Musical Theatre Works: Jan. 15-17 musicaltheatreworks.org
Sugar Witch- New Conservatory: Feb. 26-Apr. 4 nctcsf.org