(no subject)
I wrote part of this in the last post but I wanted to expand on it and also have a separate post to discuss the problem, because on thinking about it, it's the single biggest problem in my relationship right now and also a huge obstacle to us living together, getting married, etc. (Namely that neither of us really wants to live together until we can actually get some damn sleep) So I apologize if you've read this before, but PLEASE comment and help!
As far as I can tell, sleeping in each other's arms (or, really, even in the same bed) is a terrible fucking idea that just doesn't work ever, and I don't know how married couples possibly manage to do it for years without murdering each other.
Any time one of you wants to move, you wake up the other person. Because they're not already being woken up enough by your snoring, and your flopping around, and your tossing and turning, and your stealing the blankets and pillows (two blankets solves one problem, but even then my pillows get stolen because Bobby throws his pillows on the ground and then takes mine while half-asleep). And your kicking, and farting, and sleeptalking, and snorting, and coughing, and scratching an itch, and getting up to pee, and getting a drink, and swatting a bug, and taking some motrin, and putting on a heating pad, and turning on the fan, and flipping your pillow over, and getting up to see what that weird light is, and fixing the curtain so the sun isn't in your eyes in the morning, and letting the cat out of the room in the morning, and deciding you're too hot/cold and need to change pajamas, and waking up crying from a nightmare - you know, everything that happens during the night.
Nobody ever gets enough sleep and everyone wakes up pissy because they slept poorly. I have to catch up on sleep during the week because on the weekends it is so hard to sleep soundly. Sleeping with somebody else in the same bed is a HUGE BITCH and SUCKS ASS. It is the single worst part of being in a long-term relationship. It's still probably the cause of over 50% of my fights with Bobby. And it is not in any way romantic, unless you have a weird fetish for sleep-farts or something.
Someone suggested a better mattress would solve our problem, but I really don't think it would. Bobby already has a mattress covered with over one mattress-thickness of memory foam pads, so basically a Tempurpedic but much cheaper and easier to move. It doesn't solve anything, really, since lying on it you make a dent and the other person has to try not to roll into it all night. Snoring, farting, getting up to get a drink, waking up from nightmares, anything that makes noise all still happen, plus kicking, rolling over, stealing pillows... basically it's not the mattress that's the problem.
The problem is that nobody sleeps like in the movies, where you lie down on your back with your arms folded on your chest and wake up in exactly the same position ten hours later. People shift positions, pull up or take off blankets, get up, talk... and that just doesn't translate to two people being able to do those things together.
I'm terrified we'll need separate bedrooms when we move in together or else we'll never get any sleep, but everything I hear about separate-bedroom-couples always seems to imply that it's a breakup/divorce indication... I just don't know how anyone makes it work otherwise.
I have enough coupled/married friends that might be able to give some insight into how the fuck sleeping together works. I don't understand how two people can go to bed at the same time and get up in the morning to go to work with enough rest in their systems to function at all. I always have to sleep in on Mondays to make up for all the lost sleep over the weekend when Bobby was here, and when I go to visit him during the week, I get the majority of my sleep during the day while he's at work.
Sleeping together is the absolute worst thing about being in a relationship. I hate it and I dread going to bed because of how unpleasant it is just to try to even find a comfortable position next to someone else. UGH.
There are all these romantic love songs about how it's so hard to sleep alone and I just don't know why that would be. It's so much easier to sleep alone than with somebody, you have the whole bed to spread out and nobody taking your pillows and making annoying noises. What the heck are these people doing differently?
So people... what do you do? How do you fix these problems? How do you possibly ever get enough sleep when there's always someone right there waking you up right as you were about to drift off? I can't stand it anymore, I'm at the point where I wish Bobby would hang out with me all day but then sleep in a different room at night. When we went on vacation the hotel we stayed at had two queen beds in the rooms and it was amazing, we both had enough space and didn't affect each other with motion and things, but even then he still woke me up snoring more than once.
I love him absolutely to death and we aren't going to break up over this, but I am sick and tired of fighting about it almost every night we're together, and it's part of what is motivating me to NOT want to move in together or get married yet or anything else. I don't want to get married until we've solved this problem, but I don't know how. Help me, married LJ-friends, you're my only hope!
As far as I can tell, sleeping in each other's arms (or, really, even in the same bed) is a terrible fucking idea that just doesn't work ever, and I don't know how married couples possibly manage to do it for years without murdering each other.
Any time one of you wants to move, you wake up the other person. Because they're not already being woken up enough by your snoring, and your flopping around, and your tossing and turning, and your stealing the blankets and pillows (two blankets solves one problem, but even then my pillows get stolen because Bobby throws his pillows on the ground and then takes mine while half-asleep). And your kicking, and farting, and sleeptalking, and snorting, and coughing, and scratching an itch, and getting up to pee, and getting a drink, and swatting a bug, and taking some motrin, and putting on a heating pad, and turning on the fan, and flipping your pillow over, and getting up to see what that weird light is, and fixing the curtain so the sun isn't in your eyes in the morning, and letting the cat out of the room in the morning, and deciding you're too hot/cold and need to change pajamas, and waking up crying from a nightmare - you know, everything that happens during the night.
Nobody ever gets enough sleep and everyone wakes up pissy because they slept poorly. I have to catch up on sleep during the week because on the weekends it is so hard to sleep soundly. Sleeping with somebody else in the same bed is a HUGE BITCH and SUCKS ASS. It is the single worst part of being in a long-term relationship. It's still probably the cause of over 50% of my fights with Bobby. And it is not in any way romantic, unless you have a weird fetish for sleep-farts or something.
Someone suggested a better mattress would solve our problem, but I really don't think it would. Bobby already has a mattress covered with over one mattress-thickness of memory foam pads, so basically a Tempurpedic but much cheaper and easier to move. It doesn't solve anything, really, since lying on it you make a dent and the other person has to try not to roll into it all night. Snoring, farting, getting up to get a drink, waking up from nightmares, anything that makes noise all still happen, plus kicking, rolling over, stealing pillows... basically it's not the mattress that's the problem.
The problem is that nobody sleeps like in the movies, where you lie down on your back with your arms folded on your chest and wake up in exactly the same position ten hours later. People shift positions, pull up or take off blankets, get up, talk... and that just doesn't translate to two people being able to do those things together.
I'm terrified we'll need separate bedrooms when we move in together or else we'll never get any sleep, but everything I hear about separate-bedroom-couples always seems to imply that it's a breakup/divorce indication... I just don't know how anyone makes it work otherwise.
I have enough coupled/married friends that might be able to give some insight into how the fuck sleeping together works. I don't understand how two people can go to bed at the same time and get up in the morning to go to work with enough rest in their systems to function at all. I always have to sleep in on Mondays to make up for all the lost sleep over the weekend when Bobby was here, and when I go to visit him during the week, I get the majority of my sleep during the day while he's at work.
Sleeping together is the absolute worst thing about being in a relationship. I hate it and I dread going to bed because of how unpleasant it is just to try to even find a comfortable position next to someone else. UGH.
There are all these romantic love songs about how it's so hard to sleep alone and I just don't know why that would be. It's so much easier to sleep alone than with somebody, you have the whole bed to spread out and nobody taking your pillows and making annoying noises. What the heck are these people doing differently?
So people... what do you do? How do you fix these problems? How do you possibly ever get enough sleep when there's always someone right there waking you up right as you were about to drift off? I can't stand it anymore, I'm at the point where I wish Bobby would hang out with me all day but then sleep in a different room at night. When we went on vacation the hotel we stayed at had two queen beds in the rooms and it was amazing, we both had enough space and didn't affect each other with motion and things, but even then he still woke me up snoring more than once.
I love him absolutely to death and we aren't going to break up over this, but I am sick and tired of fighting about it almost every night we're together, and it's part of what is motivating me to NOT want to move in together or get married yet or anything else. I don't want to get married until we've solved this problem, but I don't know how. Help me, married LJ-friends, you're my only hope!