(no subject)
I don't write in here for anyone to read and think anything, I write in here to vent and get my feelings out. I'm not trying to get anything across or make any impressions or anything. Please don't let yourself get offended by any of this, that is not what I'm trying to do.
Having said that, yesterday, Janelys read my journal for the first time ever, and got horribly offended for what I wrote. I wont take it back, that's not my way; but I will clarify. I was mad, and to my understanding, she had pretty much told me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, which sounds dumb, but weighs a ton regardless. And this weight had been slowing me down this whole weekend, on top of the fact that I thought she was a liar when I would think back on all the beautiful things she would say about our relationship, how it would be everlasting no matter what. I thought that all that shit she had said was just beautiful crap and that she really didn't mean it. So when she said "goodbye", I was disillusioned by everything, and completely caught off gaurd. I was disapointed with her and how she could just toss our relationship aside like that. But then she comes back all like, "yea, nothing happened", and I'm hurt because something did happen, she broke my heart. But whatever, that's what was being expressed yesterday.
We talked, and everythings ok, we're going to work on healing this bruise.
Alex and I went skating again yesterday.. it was fun, I didn't fall once.. lol. Alex fell once, not too bad. I caught him most of the other times.
After skating, we went back to his house and had some alone and personal time. It was fantastic. I love spending time with him, I love seeing him in all those different lights. I see him whens he's not very confident and comfortable but willing, on skates. And I see him when he's loving me, and beyond comfortable, when we're alone in his room. I see him when he's goffy and making jokes, and when he's passionate, when he's upset or disapointed. I love that.. I love every one of his shades and hues. He's a colorful person, and every color is my favorite.
I don't know how this happened or why, but I'm so grateful for every second of this new life that I'm leading.
"Every once in a while, I got lost in the blues and the greens of his eyes. I get lost in the love and sincerity of his voice. Every once in a while, I drown in the warmth of his skin and the creases of his arms. I get lost in the person that he sees in myself, when I'm lost in him."
Having said that, yesterday, Janelys read my journal for the first time ever, and got horribly offended for what I wrote. I wont take it back, that's not my way; but I will clarify. I was mad, and to my understanding, she had pretty much told me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, which sounds dumb, but weighs a ton regardless. And this weight had been slowing me down this whole weekend, on top of the fact that I thought she was a liar when I would think back on all the beautiful things she would say about our relationship, how it would be everlasting no matter what. I thought that all that shit she had said was just beautiful crap and that she really didn't mean it. So when she said "goodbye", I was disillusioned by everything, and completely caught off gaurd. I was disapointed with her and how she could just toss our relationship aside like that. But then she comes back all like, "yea, nothing happened", and I'm hurt because something did happen, she broke my heart. But whatever, that's what was being expressed yesterday.
We talked, and everythings ok, we're going to work on healing this bruise.
Alex and I went skating again yesterday.. it was fun, I didn't fall once.. lol. Alex fell once, not too bad. I caught him most of the other times.
After skating, we went back to his house and had some alone and personal time. It was fantastic. I love spending time with him, I love seeing him in all those different lights. I see him whens he's not very confident and comfortable but willing, on skates. And I see him when he's loving me, and beyond comfortable, when we're alone in his room. I see him when he's goffy and making jokes, and when he's passionate, when he's upset or disapointed. I love that.. I love every one of his shades and hues. He's a colorful person, and every color is my favorite.
I don't know how this happened or why, but I'm so grateful for every second of this new life that I'm leading.
"Every once in a while, I got lost in the blues and the greens of his eyes. I get lost in the love and sincerity of his voice. Every once in a while, I drown in the warmth of his skin and the creases of his arms. I get lost in the person that he sees in myself, when I'm lost in him."